Zebra

Social Experiment: Have a baby by me, baby

Posted by Princess MoMo on Jan 10 in Miscellaneous

Introduction:

This report discusses a social experiment exploring the willingness of men to father (and, ideally, co-parent) a child with a female they’ve never met and know little to nothing about.

The objective of the experiment is to test male people’s willingness to fully abstain from “soul mate” interaction or traditional parenting paradigm in agreeing to create a human being.  This report presents the procedures for the experiment, the experiment’s results, an analysis of those results, and the underlying data.

The impetus behind this experiment was a combination of watching a documentary and conversations with friends.  The documentary called First Comes Love depicts the journey of an unmarried 41 year old NYC woman who decided to have a child using the male potion of her gay friend.  The film covers the process of her getting/being pregnant, the birth (graphic), the first almost year of the child’s life, and her relationship with her friends and family throughout those stages.  Conversations with some of my friends,  both male and female, suggested that people would prefer to have a romantic relationship and then spawn with that person.  However, the difficulty in finding “perfection” in a mate causes them to think about alternate arrangements in terms of creating and/or raising children.

[Note: If you’ve never read this blog before, know that this is not intended to be science or even pseudo-science; it’s entertainment.]

Procedure:

In this experiment, I posted an ad on Craigslist that read as follows:

Have a baby by me, baby (Downtown)

Hello. Here I am in my early 30s and I have yet to deliver into the world a human being. I’ve spent a considerable amount of time in my life dating in an effort to find romantic love that would ultimately lead to the traditional union and spawning. For better or for worse, I have not met my match. As such, I’ve repeatedly snoozed my biological clock.

More and more, people are steering away from the societal familial paradigm are creating non-standard family structures. This is where you come in, perhaps literally.

Are you looking to have a child, but not necessarily have to a romantic relationship as the foundation?
If so, let me know more on your thoughts in this regard.

Hypothesis:

Now, at this stage of my life, I’m about 100% (+- 0) certain that one can find a willing participate for almost anything on Craigslist.  So, I knew my post would receive responses. The question was a matter of volume and substance.  I hypothesized that there would be a few respondents authentically interested in chromosomal combination. I expected the balance of the messages to be dick pics or hate mail suggesting the ridiculousness of the post.

Results and Discussion:

  • The experiment ran from 1:23 pm to 3:46 p.m (2 hours and 23 minutes).
  • A total of 50 messages were received during that time period.
  • That means a message was received every less than two minutes, on average. (One message per every 1.66 min to be more precise.)

The virtual sperm bankers wasted no time messaging me about their willingness to make deposits. Some sought appraisals of the collateral; others seemed to care only about the low interest rate without paying any mind to any other factors.  The level of involvement they sought subsequent to DNA exchange varied from nothing to co-parenting.

Perhaps the most astonishing result in this experiment is that no dick pics were received. None. That’s incredible considering an ad to sell a couch on Craigslist is likely to result in a dick pic.

I was also surprised by the rate at which the flood of semen cyber offers filled my email box.  Like people are just sitting there perusing personals on CL, come across what I deem to be a pretty drastic proposal, and say to themselves, “Hmmz, yeah, why not arbitrarily make a homo sapien*?”

*Homo sapien is not the singular form of Homo sapiens, but it flows better in this blog post.

Conclusion:

Overall, the experiment succeeded in showing that it’s fairly simple to find a seemingly reasonably qualified farmer willing to plant a seed in your reproductive garden. No need for dating apps. No need for dates. No need for love. Just straight up biology.

In the words of 50 Cent, “Have a baby by me, baby…who the hell cares?”

 

Appendix: 

Response Index:

Messages, of course, followed by my commentary in pink:

MESSAGE 1:

Hello my name is Fernando. I’ve been in the same predicament for quote sometime now. As years pass me by, and with them, a bunch of non-lasting relationships. I have came to believe that I am just naive to think that I will find some one for me.

Having a child is something that is taking a priority now a days is mind, but not always easy to find the right person either. In an effort to have a better idea of you, would you mind telling me what type of man are you looking to be your baby’s daddy?

[Fernando’s response is quite decent.  He explains his motivation, which appears rational, and seeks further information.]

MESSAGE 2:

Hello how are you doing today ? Happy new years by the way .. I just read your posting and it definitely  caught my interest ,anyhow here is a picture ..let me know if your interested ..Good day

[Fail. It’s like this guy didn’t even read the post.]

MESSAGE 3:

You want to have a baby not sure our Chemistry would click. I am 49 years old divorced single father not
to sure you would be interested in me but lets see if i get a email back from you. Please no games

[Too much self doubt. No one wants doubt-y sperm. Also, of course you’re not sure “our Chemistry would click” considering you have no idea who the eff the poster is and vice versa…]

MESSAGE 4:

Hi I’m 38 Italian in queens . Clean and looking for an ongoing curvy lover . Are you looking for a sperm donor or something more.

[Ok, here we have the first message that brings to light how little consequence some male specimens associate with knowingly remitting their procreative fluids into a medium in which said fluids potentially/likely will activate the formation of a human. “Are you looking for a sperm donor”? Let alone any sort of moral or emotional considerations, there are potential financial/legal consequences associated with the “donation.”  A Craigslist arrangement does not automatically absolve a donor of those consequences.]

MESSAGE 5:

can I see a picture please. I can filled you up today. perfect weather to do this

[Act now, operators are standing by! What does the weather have to do with it? The weather on the day of this experiment was below freezing.  Is he serving frozen meat?]

MESSAGE 6:

I’m Los 44age 160lbs 5’9 in Queens NY looking for LTR with a female to build with. Email: [REDACTED]@yahoo.com or pic texts 646[REDACTED]

[Reasonable.]

MESSAGE 7:

Ley have a baby and get married

[Spontaneous.  Also, interesting that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about who he’s messaging.]

MESSAGE 8:

Good afternoon,

Saw your post and was struck by the fact I am looking for the same thing. I don’t believe you have to be married or beyond the physical act required to create the baby romantic with someone to have children or be a good parent in raising children. Life isnt the way it was “in the good old days” as long as both parties agree on having and raising children they don’t necessarily need to have a relationship based on romance.

[Rational.]

MESSAGE 9:

Good afternoon.  Is this  serious post?   I ask because I’ve been looking for something along those lines, for some time.   I’d love to chat with you and explore if we are both looking for similar things

[Decent.]

MESSAGE 10:

Hi,

How are you? I read your post on CL and I’m interested in what you posted. Can I see pics of you?

I’m white, over 30, 5’6″, 140lbs. athletic fit body.

Get back to me and let’s chat. Thanks.

[Neutral.]

MESSAGE 11: 

Hey are you still looking? I am a very good looking white 26 year old who would love to help you out. Lmkand I can send pics!

[Overeager.] 

MESSAGE 12:

Most men here are garbage.

Married or have gf and kids, theyre just loooking for easy pussy. One might even trick you into free raw sex and disappear after

[Realist.  It’s like I sent this message to myself!]

MESSAGE 13:

Save your breath. Craigslist is home to perverts loooking for a rotation of vaginas. No man ever leaves craigslist…too much easy paid or free pussy here

[I believe this is the same sender as Message 12 based on the timing.]

MESSAGE 14: 

Sounds like we’re looking for the same thing. I’ve actually put an ad up myself:  [REDACTED]
I’m tall, dark, handsome, intelligent, kind, and sweet, d/d free and healthy. Shall we chat?

[NOTE: He included a picture of himself; he’s good looking. And his ad is proposal is very rational. Here’s the content of his ad:

Let’s be friends and have a baby. 

Are you interested in having a baby but are also tired of dating? Maybe I can help. I’d like to form a friendship with someone and have a child. No dating, no marriage, no games–a real, fun friendship. Just a friendship that happens to include sex and the creation of a child.


I’m tall, attractive, educated and intelligent. I have a career that requires a bit of travel, so a ‘traditional’ relationship is a little more difficult for me. If you’ve been looking for someone to make your quest for motherhood more personal and want to avoid the sperm bank, lets talk.pregnant baby child family sperm donor
]

 

MESSAGE 15:

Hello
How are you? I am from North Jersey.
I am 5ft9″ 149 lbs light tan skinned Indian male.I am a us Citizen, I am a computer engineer. My hobbies are reading and listening music.
I adore books like “Tuesdays with Maurie or Angela’s ashes or even Leo Buscgalia’s books”, what type of involvement you are looking for from the father?

[On weekends, he enjoys long walks to the bathroom. Did someone say something about a baby?]

MESSAGE 16:

I’m definitely looking to have a family

[And?]

MESSAGE 17:

Hi I would like to know more about you.
Im 40 5’11, work, drive and DDF. I’m also family orientated, come from a big family
I like going out as well as staying in. I play guitar, watch movies, love to eat out and go out for drinks, walk around explore the city. If you’re interested and would like to know more? I hope to hear back from you,

[Ok.]

MESSAGE 18:

Im 34 white and very interested in what you have in mind as to this non traditional baby making ;)
Ive been wanting to have a child also
But haven’t met a mother material woman yet

[Good.]

MESSAGE 19:

Hello!

I’ve been thinking and feeling the same way. I want to have a baby with the same “relationship” you describe. I’m 180 pounds, 6 feet, hazel eyes, dark brown hair.
Would love to hear from you and talk

[Good.]

MESSAGE 20:

hi, how are you? read your post and i’m interested. i would enjoy knowing more about you. please send a pic if for real. here is a pic of me from the summer on my boat. hope to hear from you. enjoy your day, pete

[Ok.]

MESSAGE 21:

You have captured the interest of this intelligent (educated anyway), patient, kind hearted, passionate, open minded, compassionate, down to earth, and relatively tall (6’5″) man. First and foremost, I consider myself a mindful gentleman. I have never been married and I do not have any children. I am in Connecticut about 70 minutes north of NYC.

[Ok.]

MESSAGE 22:

Hi,
I have to admit your offer is extremely irresistible. I have an incredible passion for life, I’m tall 6’3″(so is the rest of my family), reasonably good looking and fit, with an intensity that has allowed me to climb from the bottom rungs in life (a foster child) to my present hotel manager position in Brooklyn. I’m 32 years old white male, good genetics (naturally perfect teeth, better than normal vision, still no glasses!) and my grandfather was one of the heads of NASA, he ran many missions, one of them was discovering the galactic center by infrared scan for the IRAS mission. I joined the navy as a submariner(I was, at the time, too tall to become an airforce pilot), didn’t fit the profile, and went back to my home state of California. I’m an aspiring artist and a writer, I have been designing and engineering a detailed magical world that remakes and tweaks existing scientific knowledge with a magical spin, to both have more realism in fantasy and to innovate in modern fiction. Check out my kickstarter by googling “tabletop cartographer”.

I’d enjoy meeting and if you are interested, seeding. Really deep, the way it was meant to be. I have one child and I’ve never had any trouble convincing a cervix to open, it’s one of the best things in life really! I’m Drug and Disease free. I’d enjoy conceiving at work, why not? No relationship works for me. I’m sure we’d sign paperwork and such.
Here is my facebook: [REDACTED]

[This message started out strong, but then he got into his magical world engineering and his self-purported ability to “convinc[e] a cervix to open.” Seriously? Maybe in his under construction magical world he has no problem opening cervixes, but in the real world, his pursuit of a cervix on Craigslist belies his claim.]

MESSAGE 23:

Hi my name is [REDACTED] and I am very interested in having a child. Time has seemed to go by so fast and my expectations of what was suppose to happen in my life has not come true as of yet. I am 32 years old and I feel I come with a tad of baggage( great thing to say to the woman you want to have your child) but I am a bit of a perfectionist. I had an accident a few years back and it has made it almost impossible for me to put the courage together to try to form a lasting relationship. I’m going to go out on a limb here and tell you something no other person in the world knows. I got into an accident and lost a testicle. I can still do everything a reg guy can do I’ve just been so embarrassed. So why am I telling you this. I already know this is not jumping me to the front of the line. I just want to be honest.

[The consequence of his accident doesn’t seem like it would be a relationship deal breaker. He needs to muster up figurative “balls” to get over the lack of a literal one. Overall, he seems decent.]

MESSAGE 24:

im 5’8 155 nice job i want kids now like asap but id like to get married as well whats your ethnicity?

[Well, he should know that if he wants them in the natural way, the baby doesn’t come out “now like asap.” It’s not like a gumball machine where the input almost instantaneously triggers the output. It takes some time to bake.]

MESSAGE 25:

[picture by sender of Message 24]

MESSAGE 26:

Hello
How are you

[Blog post on opening messages]

MESSAGE 27:

Hi miss .
How are u this is Ally
I’m ready to get a child with u.
This is my number [REDACTEd] please lets talk and know each other
Thanks Ally

[Ok, let’s head to the child store “to get a child.” Or are they available through Amazon? Yes, I understand this is likely a non-native English speaker; the phrase “get a child” amuses me nevertheless.]

MESSAGE 28:

Any pics

MESSAGE 29:

30 Manhattan Italian I’m interested

MESSAGE 30:

Many guys are willing to help it just falls apart because many

Girls get cold feet! 30 Manhattan Italian in school to be a clinical therapist

MESSAGE 31:

Im very interested in your cl ad. Im 44 and want to be a dad and feel as if time is running out. Id rather a traditional relationship/ family but i guess thats not in the cards. Lets chat.

[Good.]

MESSAGE 32:

I’m on the same page, but just to be clear, you are looking for a co-parent, or are you looking for a sperm donor?
Also, what is your race/ethnicity? (I am White and looking for same.)

[I should have clarified that my objective did not include a racial/ethnic component]

MESSAGE 33:

My thoughts are anything is possible with the correct matching personalities ☺☺

[Do fortune cookies respond to Craigslist ads?]

MESSAGE 34:

Send me a pic

MESSAGE 35:

Hey baby call me plea$e I’m 38 I’m hung 9 I’m in queens 917[REDACTED] Eric I’m European Im 5.10

[Eric is the closest to a dick pic type message. Eric is an idiot and doesn’t understand that women don’t need his garbage dick.]

MESSAGE 36:

Hey I am a single 27 year old white male who is looking to have a child without settling down into a relationship. I have been a sperm donor in the past so I have all the proper tests and paperwork to prove I have healthy genetics. Let me know if you are interested and we can talk about the next step towards having a child together.

[Good.]
MESSAGE 37:

Please send some recent full body pics, also, please detail your academic and health history.

Kind regards,

[I like this one because he’s factoring in important considerations related to creating a person, such as whether the creation would face potential health risk or mental flaws.]

MESSAGE 38:

yes,but one that may lead to a solid respectful relationship.

MESSAGE 39:

I have an impregnation fetish. I’ll get you pregnant but want no relationship afterwards.

[Thanks, Genghis Khan. He included a picture, based on which someone should get him intervention for his fetish because if his fetish is left unchecked, it may lead to an environmental disaster.]

MESSAGE 40:

I really want a wife and have baby asap
Do you love older men would you move for mr right

[I mean, I guess it depends on how many goats he’s willing to offer my family in exchange for marrying me.]

MESSAGE 41:

38 male from Manhattan single 6’3

[Now that we’ve covered a/s/l, let’s make a baby…]

MESSAGE 42:

That’s a big step for you and me

[The first step is admitting you have a problem…]

MESSAGE 43:

Yes!

[So profound!]

MESSAGE 44:

Hey I’m 30 years old white 6 ft tall looking to have a family. If your still looking to have a baby

[you’re*]

MESSAGE 45:

I already have a child, another on the way and I would want more. Think “great DNA to share”. Not looking to be involved at all, just spread my dashing good looks, brilliant mind and extreme athleticism.

What do you say to that?

[Here we have another Genghis Khan.]
MESSAGE 46:

Hi 37 Jamaican black male 6’1 ddf clean, non smoker, Ambitious and Goal-Oriented Brooklyn

MESSAGE 47:

great guy here, coo, fun, and smart :)

MESSAGE 48:

Very interesting proposition.

I’m late 30s, clean, fit, and open to talking (for not too long, if your clock is ticking). :)

Please send a photo, to start, and tell me a bit about yourself (like interests, education).

And also would you want to raise the child together; how do you picture this?

Thank you,
C

[Good.]

MESSAGE 49:

Interesting proposition you have there. Do you have a picture for me to consider?

MESSAGE 50:

Hello ilike to get to know u what do u think


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