Online Dating Fails: Mr. Plagiarizer

Posted by Princess MoMo on Sep 27 in Miscellaneous

Plagiarizing  Specimen: fcuking sh*tyour profile is longer than mine !

FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK !

Now I might have to write and add more humor to it. Gee thanks !

Vik

 

Princess MoMo: Yours isn’t even original. It mirrors posts I’ve seen on craigslist. Step your game up.

 

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Coincidentally, the day before this specimen messaged me, I stumbled across a post on craigslist that read:

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I’m a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies like AOL and FORBES FUCKING MAGAZINE. That’s right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in Boston, and I have no fucking clue where to live. My new office is located in Cambridge, so I guess I want something in that area. Honestly, I’m moving there in 3 weeks, so I don’t give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your shit. If you leave shit out, I’m just like, “Oh fuck I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.” I turn off lights. I clean toilets. Fuck it. I’ll even cook for you. That’s right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I’ll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that shit in bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don’t eat meat? That’s fucking FANTASTIC! I’ll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.

I also read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesday’s with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James Fucking Taylor. AWWWWWW SHIT YEA!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Alabama. Are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That’s the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?

I own almost nothing! I’m driving my car from Alabama to Boston in which I’ll be transporting two duffelbags of clothes, one laptop computer, one guitar, one cell-phone with charger, 8 pairs of shoes, one picture frame, probably some condoms and a shitload of beef jerky and Pringles for the trip. Though, you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival. Unless you’d like me to pick up some on my way into the city. See?! I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. I’m offering to buy you shit already!

Am I interested in your pad? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require 4 walls, a ceiling and a floor to shelter me from the elements. Other than that, anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I’m taking being a roommate to the next level. Email me! I’ll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I’d like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation roommate who consistently blows your fucking mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I’m ready to give you money.

The plagiarizer’s profile reads:

Konichiwa bithces. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fcuking BOY FRIEND that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fcuking found him. I’m a 26-year-old professional software consultant with experience at bad-ass companies in New York fcuking City. That’s right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Drexel University and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to WASHINGTON DC to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post sh*tlike this on POF ever again.

A bit about me: I’m respectful, quiet, clean and I won’t bother any of your shit. If you leave sh*tout, I’m just like, “Oh fcuk I better not mess with this shit, because it’s not mine.” I turn off lights. I clean toilets. fcuk it. I’ll even cook for you. That’s right! My dad is a chef and taught me everything there is to know about cooking southern cajun cuisine. I’ll fry green tomatoes, cover them with marinated crab meat and smother that sh*tin bearnaise. EVERY. GODDAMN. NIGHT. Don’t eat meat? That’s fcuking FANTASTIC! I’ll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fcuking socks off.

I also read a lot. I fcuking LOVE books. Vonnegut, Palahniuk, Hawthorne. All that shit. I read Tuesdays with Morrie the other day. It’s a sad story, but I learned something about life, love, knowledge and the pursuit of something greater than myself. FCUKING SMART. Do you like movies? I fcuking love them. We can watch the sh*tout of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, hike, play video games or play a game of one-on-one basketball, or I don’t have to talk to you at all. It’s completely UP TO YOU!

Sometimes I play guitar. Are you going to love getting baked and listening to Bob Dylan and Pink Floyd? LIVE? WHENEVER THE **** YOU WANT? Of course you are! I’ll take requests and learn any song you like, because I have the voice of an angel and the acoustical stylings of James fcuking Taylor. AWWWWWW sh*tYEA!

A lot of people ask me, “Hey, you’re from Washington DC and you are HISPANIC/INDIAN…..but you only date WHITE WOMEN are you racist?” And, the answer to that question is, no. I’m not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I’m a secular humanist. I FCUKING LOVE PEOPLE. That’s the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fcuking cool right? But I prefer white women because my sense of humor is loved by them mostly besides my brown fcuking sexy metro style looks. THATS RIGHT MOVING RIGHT ALONG….

I have a good sense of fashion and besides hot white women damn GAY FCUKING DUDES hit on me too. ITS FCUKING RIDICULOUS !!! Every time I go on dates I carry a pack of jerky bites and munch on them listening to HOUSE MUSIC with my windows down in my bad ass 2011 BMW M3….. you can expect the jerky to be gone upon my arrival though. Unless you’d like me to pick up some on my way for you. See?! I’m the most considerate person you’ve ever met. I’m offering to buy you sh*talready!

Am I interested in you? You can bet my nomadic ass I am! I only require someone with a good fashion sense, mind boggling sense of humor, a clean individual and above all independent ….. anything else will be considered a convenient plus. I’m taking being a cool ass BF to the next level. Message me! I’ll hook yo ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of karate trophies and a list of the top 10 women I’d like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation BOY FRIEND who consistently blows your ****ing mind with awesomeness, then hit me up. I’m ready to give you my valuable time.


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