Zebra

Mr. Super Annoyer’s Messages Annotated by Princess MoMo

For the backstory, click here.  Below are my notes/comments (in pink) to Mr. Super Annoyer’s messages.

Have you ever wondered what a girl is thinking when she doesn’t respond to you?  See below.

 

everythingheisnt

3/31/2012 11:35:01 PM

Oh my godddddd! I can’t believe I found you here! [Me neither.  Apparently, I can run, but I can’t hide on the interwebs.] Do you remember me?? [Unfortunately, yes.]  I hope so. Some of the best days ever.  [I’ve had better.] You’re ridiculously delicious ;) [Ok, I agree.]  anyway I’ve grown and times have changed and I’ve only gotten better so I’d love nothing more than to reconnect! [Ahmadinejad sent a monkey to space; I wish he had sent you instead.  But, unlike the monkey, I hope you don’t come back.  I also hope there’s no internet in space so that I don’t have to read messages from you anymore.]  I’m in law now and life is great!  [So you’ve decided to ruin mine?] I’d love to make some more amazing memories and you truly are an intelligent wonderful free spirit and i think we would just take the world over by storm ;) [New  Jersey has barely gotten over Sandy; we don’t need to inflict any further damage on the populace.]   just text me as soon as you get this! [Me: Alex, I’ll take “opposite of yes” for $400, please.  Alex: No.  Me: Am I going to text Christopher ever?  Alex: That is correct!]
Christopher
732REDACTED
TheBestNothingLess

4/6/2012 1:23:09 PM
Gonna leave me hanging out to dry hmm? [I know this may come as a surprise, but when I said I didn’t ever want to talk to you again and then spent over an hour detailing the reasons why and then reinforced my decision repeatedly, I meant it.]  It’s a pity. [It truly is a pity that you keep trying.]  I truly felt we would be great for each other. [Reasonable minds can differ, though I’m hard pressed to characterize your mind as reasonable.] Best of luck Monica
TheBestNothingLess

5/13/2012 12:52:42 PM
You know? you hated my guts just because I happened to be talking to someone else at the time and I was completely honest about it.  [Actually, I did not hate you.  I found you uninteresting and then, when I told you I didn’t want to talk to you, you exhibited psycho stalker tendencies.  I see not much has changed.]   That certainly isn’t the case now and we had such great chemistry and so much in common.  [After meeting, we hung out once.  That was all it took for me to realize that I didn’t want to repeat the experience.  So, if by great chemistry, you mean like combining bleach and ammonia, then maybe we do have great chemistry.] Why don’t you put your arrogance away and just come and hangout with me.  [It is not my arrogance that is stopping me from hanging out with you; it is my sanity and good judgment.]   I really like cheese and I still do now and I’d like to see where it goes if we actually gave it a shot. [Why do you have to bring cheese into this?]  we are both very special and very unique and its gonna b another 1,000,000 times before you find another me so stop being so stubborn  [Yes, we are both very special; however, the variety of special differs.  The odds that it’s going to be another 1,000,000 times before I find another you are too high.  For the sake of mankind, I was hoping that you were one of a kind.]
everythingheisnt

6/10/2012 9:03:05 PM
what do I have to do? [Stop messaging me.] I would like to marry you. [Why would you wish such a terrible thing upon me?] So stop messing around and get in touch =]  [Get out of touch.  It seems you’ve accomplished that with respect to reality.  Redirect your out-of-touchness and apply it to me!]
TheBestNothingLess

9/25/2012 10:54:03 AM
I still want my hunny back ;)  [I was never and will never be your hunny and you never had me!]
TheBestNothingLess

10/18/2012 8:04:27 PM
I still want you ;) I’ve got it all now babe! Why would you not Give me a shot? LoL blind hatred!  [Ok. You’re bat shit crazy.]
TheBestNothingLess

10/21/2012 9:56:25 PM
Still want you everytime I see you ;)  [I’m flattered, but we can’t always have what we want.]
everythingheisnt

11/22/2012 9:55:31 AM
Oh comeonnnnnnn.  [You comeonnnnnnnnn, dude.  Do you really think I’m playing hard to get for 3.5 YEARS?!  No, I’m playing I don’t want to be gotten by you.  Comeonnnnnnnnnnnn!!!]   Just Go out to dinner with me and I’m sure everything will fall into place.  [I bet you have a basket with my name on it that you want me to put the lotion in after I rub the lotion on my skin.  And, I bet you have a hose too.]   We had an amazing time when we first met, we had so much in common, and we are awesome together!  [No we didn’t and we aren’t.]  I just happen to be dating somebody else at that time but now the timing isn’t bad.  [Yeah, you happened to be dating someone else for a week after which point you wouldn’t leave me alone despite several direct communications from me telling you that I wanted nothing to do with you.]  So stop being so stubborn and call me 732REDACTED plus I am rich now and have all my Shit together =p  [Spend some of that money you purportedly have getting therapy.  You need it.  Or, spend it on a hooker.  Do whatever you want with it as long as it doesn’t involve me.]  Happy thanksgiving and warmest regards!
Christopher
TheBestNothingLess

2/3/2013 4:06:39 PM
I love you!  [Just try to contain the crazy a little bit.]
TheBestNothingLess

2/4/2013 12:38:48 PM
Come onnnnnn. You’ve punished me enough.  [It is you who is punishing me.  All I did was go to a BBQ 3.5 years ago and chat up a guy that appeared attractive.  Little did I know you were relentlessly insane.]  These guys are huge losers.   [I don’t disagree, but you are no better.]  Come and see me.   [I don’t have a death wish.]  You will love me forever. [I’m sure you’ll tie me up and put me in a dungeon until you’re convinced that I do.]  We will make it a fairy tale princess. [The princes in fairy tales are not fucking stalkers.]  You’re amazing, so am I, we are meant to be darling ;)<3  [Just euthanize me.  Put me out of my misery.]
TheBestNothingLess

2/4/2013 12:40:12 PM
Breathtaking in that blue dress especially =x you’re one incredible girl. Absolutely incredible ;)  [Thanks.]
TheBestNothingLess

2/6/2013 4:57:46 PM
Call me! [Remember almost a year ago when you wrote to me and asked me to text you right away?  Yeah, about that.  There was a reason that I didn’t.  That reason is because I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU.  EVER.  COME ONNNNNNNNN!!!!!]   732-REDACTED for crying out loud be friends with me at least. [I’m crying right now.  Real tears.  Salty tears, because you just won’t go away.  You know what quality I don’t like in friends?  The annoying as shit quality.  You exhibit that quality in abundance.  So, no, let’s not be friends.  Let’s be nothing.]   Worst case scenario we have a lot of fun and you have a life long friend. [Worst case scenario you capture me and store me in your basement.  I’m not willing to risk it.]  I’m a great guy.  [No you aren’t.  You suck and you’re annoying beyond belief.] You haven’t got any reason to hate me.  [I don’t hate you.  You’re just like that annoying hair that keeps growing back no matter how many times you get tweezed.  It might be time to break out the laser.] I grew up more. I don’t drink or go to clubs or anything anymore. [Hopefully that means that more girls are safe.]  I mean I don’t know what else you can want in a person. [Silly me. What more could a girl possibly want?]  At least be friends with me.  [No.] I know you’re a wonderful girl and you’re so smart and quippy and sarcastic and we are the same person except with different equipment lol. So please let us hang out? Xo  [Just stop.]

comments: 2 »

2 Responses to “Mr. Super Annoyer’s Messages Annotated by Princess MoMo”

  1. Thrown Away says:

    I propose we spare no expense in sending this romantic love bird on his dream date with Princess MoMo. You should definitely agree to have dinner with him… at the closest insane asylum.



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