Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: 90s Rap Theme

Posted by Princess MoMo on Feb 8 in Dating, Online dating, Poems

1/26/2016 5:11:41 PM

Yo, Philosophish, let’s kick it!
Hey hey baby
Hey hey baby
All right stop
Read this email and listen
Jay is here with a brand new invention
The beach grabs a hold of me tightly
Favorite place to spend my days both daily and nightly
Will it ever stop?
Yo, No way, I know
Spend my days at work and I’ll glow
To the extreme I design houses like a professional
Loving what I do is better then chumps that arnt original


But finding the right girl to make me go boom
Is harder then you think when there are no women in the room
Shes the one when I hear a dope melody
Anything less that the best is a felony
Love it or leave it
I’d like to say hey
You are pretty awesome
Makes me want less work and more play
There shouldn’t be a problem
Hitting it off a bit
So I’m hoping I get a message back and evolve it

I’m jason, word to plenty of fish


1/26/2016 5:22:05 PM
Really good. Driving now. Will respond later.

1/26/2016 10:32:56 PM
As I swim through the sea of the plenty of fish
I take a look at my life and realize I need a wish
Cuz I’ve been dating and being courted so long
That even my mamma thinks that my mind is gone
But I ain’t ever crossed a fish that did deserve it
Me be treated like a guppy, you know that’s unheard of
You better watch how you baitin’, and what you statin’
Or you and your pole might not captivate
I really hate to bite, but I gotta hope
As they try to poke I deny them even a little stroke fool
I’m the kind of shark little goldfish wanna be like
Never on my knees in the night, trying to get off this site

1/26/2016 10:46:03 PM

1, 2, 3 and to the 4
The only beat I know is when I’m on the dance floor
But for you I’ll make an effort so back on up
(Cause you know pof Fishing isn’t what’s up)
Get me off this dating poll first so I can bust like a bubble
Me and Philosophish together: now you know you in trouble
It would so nice to get to know you , baby
Two singled out professionals so we’re crazy
Get us together and we could rock, maybe
Ungramerable, so please don’t try to spellcheck this
But um, back to the lecture at hand
You rock and are pretty , so You understand

Ain’t nothin like a rap pickup line baby…..


1/27/2016 7:40:21 AM
Picture me rollin in my 300 Benz
I got no love for these fishes, there’s no need to be friends
They got me reading spam mail, lack of creativity be tellin
Know there’s bs bein sold, but I ain’t the one sellin!
Don’t want to be another number
I got a fuckin full inbox of nonsense makin’ me wonder
The fishes, my profile they haven’t read
Fishes have vacancies in their head
Now I got six chihuahuas by me bed, I feed em bread
Now I’m cyber dating, how will I live? Will God forgive me
for all the dates a princess did, some with skids?
One life to live, it’s so hard to be positive
when fishes showin up at your crib
Mama, I’m still pluggin’, POF is a war zone
Some fishes were inmates, and most of them dead wrong
Full grown, finally a woman, just dreamin’ on ways
to put another hand inside the palms of my empty hands
Just picture us strollin’

1/27/2016 4:22:10 PM

ok, so here it is, we have been chatting for a few
but what i really need to do is find a little more about you
do you ski, like the beach? maybe get a little dancey?
whats your favorite drink? is it a martini that you fancy?
i must admit, i was leery if my message came across when id rap it…
but i thought, hey, this girl is definitely worth it
so now i ask if its cool and if you wouldn’t mind
to communicate in sentences that do not exactly rhyme
and there are these things called phones if you weren’t to sure
so maybe we talk on them and i will try to not be to much of a bore
so with that i end this verse of mine
with the hopes of getting to know you more in time
because right now you are my wish
to be the one who ends this fish

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