Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Why the hell is he here??

Posted by Princess MoMo on May 18 in MoMo's Musings, rap battle

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Hey soooo I’m trying to rap battle you but I don’t think it’s going through.


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Fresh princess, I think your rap invites creative
But it also just so happens, that I’m a central jersey native
Im also pretty sure, we have a bit-of-a common click….
I think my friend is your friend too, he goes by Dominick.
But unfortunately me lady, our mutual friends arent gonna save you.
Did really you just rewrite fresh prince and do a poor job too?
Girl, if you are rare, I think I’ll be taking mine well done.
you sure your mom wants grand kids? She probably wishes she had a son!
And if your profiles fresh then I’m really afraid to see shitty,
Its as if the Special Olympics crossed with Sex and the city.
Special people are the best so I don’t mean to be outta line,
But I might as well have just been comparing you to Albert Einstein.
Attorney? Really? I think it’s cool that you took the bar.
Replace “cool” with “gross” and “took”with “blew” and that’s more accurate by far.
I saw that you have a website did it take you long to set that up?
Not the princessmomo one, Im talking about twogirlsonecup
You dress like Princess Jasmine but keep wishing upon your star,
Try someone of closer resemblance, like aladdin or Jafar.
Seven or eight boyfriends? they were idiots perhaps…
Or they probably just took off as soon as they had to hear you rap.

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All these raps aside I hope I didn’t hurt you at all,
You’re actually kind of beautiful going by everything I saw.
You must be an awesome person, to have a rap battle in your profile.
You seem to have good taste too, high intelligence, and style.
I don’t think much will come of this though, you seem way out of my league.
Dating is really tough these days, and I’m genuinely fatigued.
I swear I’m not an ***hole, I just didn’t want to go too easy.
Ask lunetta, I’m not a jerk and only just a little sleezy.
I’m going to try to end this now, cuz I think im over due,
Do your worst and rip me to shreds, I pass the mic to you.

Mannn, you comin’ at me with some rhyme leprosy
Dropping insults, yet you’re tryna get with me
You need to be quarantined, placed outta sight
Cuz you’re just a fuzzy lil bunny in this big dog fight
You droppin’ names like you’re on a guest list
Only thing you signed up for is to get dissed
You can’t come in, no wrist band, no stamp
Maybe you should call Genie, rub on his lamp
Wish for some game and better etiquette
Until then, you’ll just have to settle with being celibate

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Get with you? More like forget you. Girl you are mistaken.
However if we did get down, I’d probably be the one whos fakin
I’d gladly be quarantined if it keep me far from you
I’d rather be a bunny that a “shit” without the “zhu”.
Guest list? get dissed? Band on my wrist? For your show? Well get this.
I’d rather stay home and drink my own piss in comparison to hearing you thatd be fucking bliss
If I had a one wish, it would be for world peace although it’s really tempting to ask for to cease
All attempts at raps and rhymes from now until forever,
Ettiauette? I read your site, you wanted someone aggressive someone clever,
I think the time has come for me to give this game a rest
I’d much rather talk to you like normal, that would honestly be best

This game’s on meth, never goes to rest
Continually played only by the best
But I get it, you’re tired, you’re exhausted
From taking a beating, getting lyrically accosted
It’s nice, you read my site, studied me a little bit
Not educated enough, though, still comin’ off as an idiot
Part of me’s just playin’, I’m really not this harsh
But you slung fighting words from the very start
I love battling, so fun, energizing
Stimulating workout, intellectual exercising
You’re like a fish on my hook, took the bait, took a bite
Ain’t ready to release you, wait, be still like a crook in the night
But I hear you, and I’m coming for your sorry little life
No need for machine guns or even a knife
I’ll just mentally annihilate you, verbally violate you
Savagely decimate and dismally devastate you
Until you give up and I get that victory, win
If you can’t finish, why’d you bother to begin?

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If this game is meth then you can call me Mr. Heisenberg
And I’d call you Jesse Pinkman but your more like Jesse Eisenberg
I’m only tired of your act and im No where near exhausted,
I was attempting to end this well but you’re ending it like LOST did
To fully research you I would need a neuroscientist
Your brain must have abnormalities for you to even bother trying this”Coming off as an idiot?”  Spare me, I’m incisive through and through.
Switch “off” to “on” and scratch the “as” thats how guys describe sex with you.I know you’re not this harsh and you’re aware neither am I.
Its fun to know that you’re someone who’d rather brawl instead of cry.

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I slung fighting words hoping you’d be a worthy opponent
But I was wrong, and felt pitty so don’t confuse it for atonement.
Just a fish? Girl, I’m a shark and I’ll sink your little tawler.
Your rhymes vs mine are Quint vs Jaws and we both know mine are bawler
You’re coming for my sorry life? Oh no I’m really scared.
A little girl who calls herself princess who’s mind is worse for wear…Lets be fair and share the truth about your despair the proof that you’re aware your youth doesn’t have a prayer”
Why can’t you finish” I’m sure you say that to men a lot
They know your words are cheap and weak but they go along because you’re hotYou can’t mentally try me I’ve experienced it all
If you think you’re going to decimate me then your kingdoms gonna fall

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Your rhymes are idiosyncratic so awful they’re traumatic thoughts  clear as static so your failures automatic I’m almost sympathetic luckily you’re aesthetic your hapless unapologetic really it’s pathetic

So no I won’t stop unless we hold a truce, I’m sure soon enough you’ll need a break from this abuse,
but at the end of the day, I really enjoy our interaction,
I want to quit so we can talk but I won’t give you the satisfaction.


Look at you dropping line after line, trying to hang on like Mufasa
There’s only room for one lioness here, and this is rightfully mi casa
So make your way back to the shadowy place from which you emerged
Because any conception that you’ll beat me in this battle’s absurd
“You must take your place in the Circle of life,” you demon hyena
You’re dancing around on my ground, like a graceless pink ballerina
Slide your slippers off, strip your skirt, take off your tutu, take a seat
Time for time out, you’re hurt, coming off cuckoo, easy to beat
Because you’re talkin’ crazy ish, need a checkup, perhaps a lobotomy
Fabricating reckless sexual references, like you don’t wanna be on top of me
But the truth is, I’m in complete control, dominating you, sodomy
A shark? More like Mediterranean Avenue, cheapest property in monopoly
Not even that property, a mere prostitute, unappealing, living in poverty
Used up, nasty, yet still talking shit, nothing scholarly, here only to bother me
Maybe you’re bad at math, unable to grasp and calculate our inequality
You’re zero, I’m infinity, yet you act like we’re even, it’s quite an oddity
Give it your best, in the end, I’ll make nothing of you but a mockery.

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Well Hakuna Matatta you Disney obsessed Natta
You’ll never be able to tell your kid
That “You know his fadda”
You say there’s room for one lioness but I don’t see any, your highness,
why you even trying this,
When you know you’re getting dissed
Shadowy place? Oh, You mean hell from whence you came?
Fine. Hell or in your presence, I guess it’s all the same.Maybe I should give in and go get that lobotomy,
then we’ll finally be equals
And match up intellectually

Look, you ambulance chaser
You’re just a little hater
You’re imagining bdsm with me
So you can touch yourself to it later….


The monopoly reference was clever so I’ll give you credit where it’s due,
I’ll make you aware when your lines are fair since so far there are so few

You’re right I’m not a math head Im more into String theory, quantum physics, a multi-verse, and infinite possibility

Except one law across them all will consistently remain,
in any of these infinite worlds my rhymes win cuz yours are lame.


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I have to admit. I spit coffee everywhere at the “cheapest property in monopoly line” ??


That’s right, address me as highness, and give credit where it’s due
Only bdsm here is this royal whipping of you
You’re nothing but a cuckold, a bitch, a gimp
Here to follow my orders, like I am your pimp
Now bow down to this diva, modern day Queen of Sheba
You mindless, menial, anaerobic amoeba
I’ll never be on Jerry Springer or the Maury show
Not this chic, better known as Princess MoMo
I’m clean, and pristine, with unparalleled hygiene
Only thing’s I’m a little mean, this maybe obscene, but truth is you belong in a latrine
Flush you down like the sewage you are
Send you into exile like evil Uncle Scar
Banish you once and for all
So you can no longer stand tall
Oh, wait, though, you never did, just 5’7″
If I’m from hell, call me Lucifer, angel fallen from Heaven
You’re playing with fire and you’re bound to get burned
I thought after this schooling, you’d have learned
That’s ok, you’re slow, stuck on stupid
Mind like a landfill, putrid, polluted
All I can say for now is thanks for the trash
You’re probably used to the burn, like the one from your rash

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Nice but I have to respond later. ?

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