Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Ode to Aladdin

Posted by Princess MoMo on Jul 23 in Online dating, rap battle

7/22/2016 9:40:11 PM
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I finally found a girl who likes to spit
waited all day and all damn night but sh!t
it seemed like im the only one who could drop a line
but then I found a rappin jasmine, and damn was she fine
I had a couple girlfriends but aint got no kids
Perhaps I’ll get a reply, since I’m loaded with wits
but if I don’t its all good, she’ll remember me though
shes a diamond in the rough amongst plenty of hoes

I got a recording studio, this is what I do for fun. You won my quick message in requiring it be in rap context lol, i make rap songs and throw them out into the internet. Screw the band phish, I just turned Chicago – hold me now, into a rap song today


7/23/2016 4:04:02 AM
Quoting lines from Aladdin, going in for the win
A dude digging Disney delights this sassy Jasmine
Not like these other fish failin’ at swimmin’
Ugh, where should I even bother to begin?
Endless messages, with trash contained therein
Givin’ me headaches, needin’ acetaminophen
Then they get hit with the rhymes and they cry, thin skin
They’re not men, just pussies, need a flippin’ O-B-G-Y-N
I devour these fish like I’m a fuckin’ pelican
Sometimes I wonder, are they even human?
Half them are crazy, belong in a looney bin
Mental imbalances in things like their serotonin
Other actin’ like they’re possessed by jinn
Got stage 5 clingers tryna be my Siamese twin
Need to block them out with a wall like was in Berlin
Others are more boring than a shapeless mannequin
It’s just sad, someone cue the violin
You’ve now entered my zone, in which you’ll find there’s no spin
Could be controversial like the novel Huckleberry Finn
Bringing fire to this game, like my name is Satan
But even devils need to rest, I’m going back to sleepin’

7/23/2016 12:38:48 PM
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sounds like you seen it all, this site is almost a joke
but then I appeared, in a clap of lightning and smoke
im possessed by the jinn which is why I can rhyme
even aladdin had his genie, most of the time
got no monkey friend think his name was abu
I make these monkey men look like plenty of goo
If you puttin up walls like this is berlin
Im more controversial then mister finn
Some of my friends, they call me ni**er jim
Cause I can rap like slim, im italeeyin
not black but would fool ya in a heartbeat and
take ya out for fried chicken in the middle of the hood
but who am I kidding, your 5 star hollywood
If theres no chandelier we’re not going in
We need a fountain in the lobby and then we’ll begin
to consider our future and carve out our path
It appears I found my other half


7/23/2016 3:12:38 PM
Verse two, here we go, got me continuin’
Gimme the mic, because I’m about to go in
I know you like my style, sittin’ there with a grin
Or is that my hubris, just a classic cardinal sin
I’m over here killin’ it, smooth assassin
You holdin’ it together or you need a bobby pin?
You used your in place of you’re to my chagrin
Then instead of than had me frownin’
Grammar is no circus, no room for clownin’
I like my specimens eloquent, linguistically excellent
Not negligent, spewin’ out written excrement
Now take a seat, watch me get petulant
Like the Microsoft paperclip, this chick flips when the script’s English takes a dip, like you shootin’ from the hip into the abyss
And you missed, now you got this little miss kinda pissed
Ignorance is bliss, but
I would be remiss if I dismissed errors such as this
Do you get the gist?
Verbally, I’m like the mythological Pegasus
While you fuckin’ up, disastrous, modern day Oedipus
Next time, spell check or just cease and desist on tryna arrange a tryst

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