Princess MoMo

In April of this year, this particular specimen messaged me on a dating website.   Shortly thereafter, we spoke on the phone.    We made plans two weeks in advance to meet for dinner on April 29.  Communication was extremely light during those two weeks.  Frankly, I just wasn’t into this guy because of the infrequent contact and the few times we had spoken, he was a little too goofy in an unfunny way.  On April 28, another online dating specimen stepped on the text scene and lured me in with his words.  In an admittedly asshole fashion, I decided to bail on the first specimen in favor of the second one.   Needless to say, specimen 1 was not pleased with my bullshitary.  He sent me a text stating, ” sorry you feel that all dating is a joke…i was even stupid enough to get you a gift. it was a glass zebra bobble head bank.”   My conscience kicked in and I felt terrible.  I apologized profusely through various channels of communication (voice mail, text and facebook).  Three days later, he accepted my apology.  A month later, the mail guy in my office came by with a package for me.  I saw the name on said package and immediately knew what it was – the zebra bobble head bank.  I thanked the sender via facebook.

Fast forward almost three months.  I posted a status on facebook regarding a job opening at my place of employment.  Zebra bobble head specimen messaged me that one of his friends might be interested.  We ended up talking on the phone.  This time around, he was very funny.  I again apologized for my previous assholeness.  He was accepting of my apology and even suggested that we go to dinner at the same place we had originally planned.

On August 20, we met.  It had been almost a month since I had been on a date because I was fed up with specimens.  So I went into this date with no expectations.   And, as an added bonus, his shirt didn’t suck.  He showed up with a bottle of wine and a mini goose bottle.   Like the zebra bobble head, this was a much appreciated thoughtful gesture.   His hilarity level was quite high throughout dinner.  I hadn’t laughed that hard in quite some time.  Being of the same pure bred ethnic background, we related on a cultural level.   After we finished eating, we sat on a bench outside because I was showing him a youtube video (teach me how to dougie) on my device.    As I held my device securely in my grasp, I felt a foreign presence on my precious hand.  I immediately recognized the presence as a very large insect.  My fight or flight instinct kicked in.  I chose flight.  I flew off the bench and frenziedly ran about 20 feet into the parking lot, screaming as if a demon were being exorcised from my body.  Of course, throughout my epileptic-like episode, I did not drop my device.   He just sat on the bench looking at me like, “Ummm wtf?!”  After I was able to regain my composure, I returned to the spot of the assault to find the bug waiting out for me.  It was indeed a very large creature – a praying mantis.  I photographed it and then we left the area.

After my traumatic encounter with the mantis, I was about ready to go home.  But the specimen suggested that we continue hanging out.  The stars must have been aligned in some sort of odd cosmic orientation because I didn’t feel like drinking (aside from wine with dinner).  And I hadn’t had the desire to drink for about a week at that point.  Luckily, the stars are back in proper order and I’ve regained my healthy appetite for adult beverages.   So, we were tasked with thinking up an activity that didn’t involve drinking.  He suggested bowling.  That was a no go.  I suggested air hockey, but he didn’t know of any places with an air hockey table. (We were around his neck of the woods, not mine.)  We ended up playing pool.   Then, we drove around on the quest to find an air hockey table.  We failed that mission, but we had a lot of fun during the drive.  To my amusement, he was playing Arabic music and belly dancing while driving.   I tried to capture a video of his entertainment skills, but he was camera shy.

Overall, the night went very well.  It was by far my best first date in 2011.  (Since February 25, 2011, there have been 15 “first” dates.  I use the term first loosely because two of those dates were actually not first dates in the literal sense.  One was literally a second date, with the first date having been about eight months prior.  And the other non-literal first date was with a specimen that I had met via online dating back in 2004 and then again in 2011, but I didn’t remember the 2004 date at all.  So it was like the first time for me.  That story is actually very interesting, but it happened pre-blog, so I didn’t write about it.)  After we parted, he texted me communicating that he had a great time.   Thereafter, there were sporadic texts and facebook wall postings, but it was about a week and a half before he called.  Waiting that long kills much of the previously established momentum.  I expressed that to him.  Also, we were supposed to go see a comedy show, but it was canceled due to Hurricane Irene.

On September 4, we had our second encounter.  He invited me to his friend’s shore house.  We didn’t have much one-on-one time, but his friends were pleasant and a good time was had by all.  However, his shirt game fell off this time.  Before we left the shore house to go to the bar, he changed into the most detestable of male shirt patterns – flannel.  Luckily, it was dark outside and in the bar, so the shirt wasn’t too visible.

THE END