Went viral in March, made you shelter in place Had you relegated to your cellphone and cyberspace Deemed you nonessential, Put you in crisis, beyond existential Turned commercial into residential No more parties, solitary confinement is preferential Don’t touch the surface, because it has infectious potential Stacking up cases, super sequential Underestimated my potency and […]
Young Covid
I’m Young CovidWhen you see me,Stock up on TP.I cripple the world with fear,Like the end is near.Can’t contain my spread,Ya’ll on ya knees; pandemic head.Coming, unsanitary, without warning,Despite your sanitizer hoarding.Wear a mask or not,You’re still gonna get got. I started out in ChinaNow I’m fuckin’ worldwide vaginaFrom Australia to North CarolinaI’m the new […]
Mr. Halloween and Mr. Hashtag
Mr. Halloween and Mr. Hashtag It’s been a while since I’ve regaled you with my dating tales and misadventures. To make up for lost time, I will introduce you to two characters in this entry. It was a cold Halloweeny October 31, 2017. One we will call Mr. Halloween and I matched on Bumble. Messages […]
Social Experiment: Have a baby by me, baby
Introduction: This report discusses a social experiment exploring the willingness of men to father (and, ideally, co-parent) a child with a female they’ve never met and know little to nothing about. The objective of the experiment is to test male people’s willingness to fully abstain from “soul mate” interaction or traditional parenting paradigm in agreeing to create […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: A Worthy Opponent
DrMantisToboggen 2/8/2016 2:01:31 AM Report this message for inappropriate content Ok ok. Mic check. Ok. Princess from somewhere, shine like a sun glare I need SPF like uncle phil needs some hair See I read your rhyme so in kind I had to blast one Seven or eight boyfriends? Now meet your last one All […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part V
ThePureRican Stalking you? LMFAO…Princess, The King’s Back, damé beso, yeah gimme kiss/Sorry, you just came up first when I searched for worst poet on Plenty of Fish/Gawkin? in disgust, Babygirl, more like hackin’/Swiped left on “Meet Me”, NEXT, King got back to mackin’/Now you can see how much your lyrics are just a small […]
“Dear Fat People” Response
My two cents on the “Dear Fat People” video: 1. It wasn’t funny, but not because of the subject matter. It just wasn’t funny. I haven’t watched anything of hers that I found funny. She’s annoying and her videos make me feel epileptic. 2. This “I’m so offended, boy who cried bullying” epidemic needs to […]
Ashley Madison Leak: Is Ignorance Bliss?
Hell hath no fury like a hacker scorned. One such hacker or group of hackers epically unleashed this fury by obtaining the personal information of a multitude of users of the infidelity-promoting dating site Ashley Madison. Do I personally have any sympathy for those exposed? Nope. None. Zero. Initially, a little part of me like […]
Dating: Too many toothpastes
It’s 7 a.m. (Ok, it’s really 7:14 a.m. because it took you 14 minutes to get out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready for work.) So, it’s 7:14 a.m. You rub the sleep out of your eyes while reaching for your pink toothbrush. The oral kingdom needs to be cleaned! To your disappointment, […]
Sister Roma is AMAZING #MyNameIs
In spite of everything else Sister Roma has on her plate, she was kind enough to advocate on my behalf. Thanks to her, my identity on Facebook was reinstated after Facebook had stripped me of it. Many thanks!
Mr. Mark Richerson – LinkedIn Scammer
A friend received a peculiar message on LinkedIn. Through some internet research, she determined it was a scammer. She then did what any rational person would do and referred the scammer to me. Below is the message he sent her: Her Response: Mark’s Reply: Within days, Mark requested that I add him to my network. Gladly, […]
Potential Roommate
Someone I know is looking for a roommate. A potential tenant responded with a ridiculous set of questions. My opinion was that the reply should be equally ridiculous. The questions are below. Buncha questions that I am curious about How is cabinet/fridge space handled? How are house chores shared? What are the house rules about […]
The Meaning of Life
Imagine this scenario: You are an adult occupying the “real world” sphere. It’s whatever o’clock a.m. and an ever annoying sound assaults your ears. Your state of deep sleep is disrupted and you nearly jump out of your skin. You’ve barely succumbed to the forced consciousness as you reach for the source of the auditory […]
Online Dating Fails: Mr. Plagiarizer
Plagiarizing Specimen: fcuking sh*tyour profile is longer than mine ! FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK ! Now I might have to write and add more humor to it. Gee thanks ! Vik Princess MoMo: Yours isn’t even original. It mirrors posts I’ve seen on craigslist. Step your game up. —————————————————————————————————————— Coincidentally, the day before this specimen messaged me, I […]
MoMo’s Mama
My mom told me the following story today (9/12/11): One of the secretaries at work today was all smiles. I said to her, “You must have had a great weekend. She said, “Yeah, I got married.” I asked her if it was a surprise. She said, “Kind of. We weren’t even engaged, we just did […]