Princess MoMo

Today’s online dating fail is courtesy of a friend of mine. She received the message below on PlentyofFish:

hello my name is erik and i am 33 and a christain how about you u single have kids u drive i live in sicklerville with my mom and step dad i hope thats ok with you i am 5/6 i dont drive yet and i am not working not my friend does not have work for me yet but i am going to make some hip-hop beats and sell them on line i dont smoke i dont drink i dont do bars or i dont do clubs i like bowling shooting pool the movies and the mall the wildwood for the rides i am a very sweet careing guy that will make you laugh my music is holy hip-hop jazz hip-hop beats blues gospel r&b and me and my mom and step dad goes to chruch on sundays at the middle school in willimastown its called the word they start at 10am to 12pm and i pray every day and read the word and i am also a loveable man too and i love to talk and talk but the only thing i get around is my bike cycle if you wanta go out on a date some night let me know 867-REDACTED call me after 9 weekends any time text me any time i hope u like my message and my pictues and i hope u dont turn me down i get up set when they say that there not interrester in me u have facebook my is www.facebook.com/erikREDACTED and i do holy hip-hop rap and i have my own small recording studio in my room and it get the job done but i still have to add more stuff to my studio and my dreams are to have my own music name and record name soon i make cd covers and christain movies and christain rap videos and i love to make music and i am also a nice sweet kisser too so hope to talk to u soon god bless

MoMo Analysis: Ok, dude is 33, lives with his parents, has no job BUT he can make hip hop beats! Perfect, because that’s exactly what women these days are looking for in a potential mates. And, not just any hip hop — holy hip hop!! But wait, there’s more: Act now, and you get a free ride on his “bike cycle.” Please don’t turn him down though because he gets very “up set when they say that there not interrester.” I’m not even going to touch the grammatical flaws.  I may actually go to hell for this one because he is possibly legitimately retarded, in which case, forgive me Jesus for I do not intend to make light of the disabled.