Princess MoMo

A blog reader and now cyber friend has been reporting her dating ongoings to me.  Initially, she started with an interesting mission: 30 dates in 30 days.  I did not get reports on each of the guys, though.  When she told me of her idea, I expressed my skepticism and asked a series of questions.  It did not seem feasible because, unless dating is one’s full time job, it is difficult to conceive that running through specimens at that rate would allow the proper time to assess them.  Anyway, her 30 day trial period did not yield her Prince Charming.  She continues to date and send me periodic reports.  I found the message exchange between us (cut and pasted below) entertaining.  As usual, the pink Editor’s Notes are my comments and the blue text indicates a link.

December 19, 2011

Female Friend: I accepted a date from a marathon runner. We are going for an early morning run this Thursday but thinking it over several things came to mind:

1- I am not a morning person
2- I run but not like he does
3- I can’t wear make up
4- I will be wearing work out gear on a first date which is a first for me
5- it’s fucking cold out
6- I get the feeling if I go through with it I will be angry and probably curse him out for even suggesting a morning run on a first date.

Princess MoMo: So why not suggest a later running time or postponing this activity to a second date?

Female Friend: I might need to postpone and suggest a dinner date and if that goes well I will suck it up and go running with him

Princess MoMo: Or perhaps you could compromise and run to the restaurant for dinner, at which point you can change and freshen up in the bathroom!

Female Friend: Lol.. That might work too. But I normally don’t do well with compromising especially with someone that I just met. He intrigues me though so I will give it serious consideration.

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December 22, 2011

Female Friend:  The date with Marathon runner was great. He showed up on time , had a great smile and nicely built. It was a bit awkward in the beginning but once we started running the conversation just flowed. He has a great sense of humor. At some point though I realized the running was getting in the way of getting to know each so I suggested we take a stroll instead and enjoy the beautiful weather. As we walked he made a comment about my height as in I thought you would be taller.. I asked him didn’t he see my profile, it clearly states that I am 5’4″. A short while later, he makes another comment that almost ended the date.. You looked slender in your profile pictures and I stopped the “stroll” and told him that profile picture was taken last month and I did not gain any weight . I told him thus far you have made 2 rude comments and if you want to continue the date please watch you say. He apologized.
After the run/stroll we went to get lunch and ended up staying at the restaurant for about 4 hours.. It definitely didn’t feel that long.
We spent 6 hours total together. We left it off with a hug. He has potential …

[Editor’s Note:  The running portion is a seemingly novel first date idea.  You wouldn’t catch me agreeing to that because I’m a firm believer that the only time I need to run is if my life or that of someone I care about is at risk.  But being that these two individuals shared that common interest, good for them.  Run to nowhere, lovespecimens.]

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December 28, 2011

Female Friend: I had a date with Marathon runner a few nights ago.. Umm, I really didn’t want to go out that night but I finally caved in. We spoke about where to meet and there was a miscommunication so I ended up on one side of train stop and him on the other side. Once we meet up, he went on and on but how I don’t follow direction.  [Editor’s Note: Lectures on a second date? No thanks.  This reminds of me Mr. Plane’s bullshit statement with respect to me exiting his aircraft, “Why can’t you learn to do anything right?”]  I wanted to turn right around and hop on the train to my house but I went along with the date. He takes me to a spot where he frequents often. Once we were seated the waiter asked what I wanted to drink and I said a glass of wine specially merlot. The staff looked at me like I was crazy and politely said we don’t serve alcohol and I replied with whatcha you mean Willis? Apparently it’s bring your own booze spot and So I asked marathon why didn’t you tell me earlier of this cause I would have bought a bottle.. He replied with we don’t need to drink to have a good time and I said oh hell yes we need booze. As I sipped on my water, the conversation is going well till he starts telling me about me and why I’m single.. I craved that glass of wine so hard as he went on& on &on.. [Editor’s Note: Again, lectures on a second date? No thanks.  And, likely (though not necessarily as I learned a few weeks ago with Mr. Surprises) he is single too.  So why doesn’t he lecture himself about his singleness before he starts schooling others?]  Finally once dinner was finished I told him I wanted to go but he kept on insisting we stay longer. 4 times I told him I needed to head out but he wanted to stay.
At some point I was like fuck this bullshit so I asked for the bill and he isn’t paying as he wants to hang out so I pulled my card out and told the waiter we are done. Waiter informs me we don’t take cards, just cash. At this point I had my coat on already so I got up went to ATM they had inside, paid for the dinner and told the staff to wish marathon runner a good night and kept it moving.  [Editor’s Note: Keepin’ it gangster! Run along now, Mr. Marathon Runner.]

Next day he called and wanted to know what happened.. I explained that when I say I’m ready that means I am ready. I did apologize for walking out without saying good bye.
He is cooking me dinner tomorrow night & this time there will be wine on that table. Lol [Editor’s Note: He didn’t call until the next day to find out what happened.  That means he wasn’t too concerned.  Men are like dogs.  I’m not trying to alienate my male readers, but it’s the truth.  In fact, I like dogs.  So perhaps I’m alienating dogs with this comment.  Fortunately, to my knowledge, most dogs don’t read my blog.  When dogs do something wrong, they know it and they come groveling back for their owner’s forgiveness.  That’s what Mr. Marathon Shithead is doing here.   I have to say, I’m surprised she agreed to go out with him again.  If I were in her shoes, the shoes that walked out on date two with this specimen, I would not have agreed to another date with him.]

Princess MoMo: Where was he when you paid the bill?

Female Friend: He was sitting down at our table and as I walked to the ATM machine, he tells me you are sexy and I like it that you angry.. Which made me more angry. [Editor’s Note: Intentionally and continually pissing off a female specimen with whom you’re on a date is probably not the best move, unless you’re shooting for angry bump and grinding.  But, when the female is seeking any possible method to pay and peace out, the opportunity to get it in has been foreclosed.]  We were the only customers in the spot. I think he called me feisty which irked me more.. We spoke this morning and apparently he never meet a woman like me before .. With her own “swag” as he said and I replied that word is retarded and you obviously have not met a woman that’s has her own mind. But he brought up a point though, I don’t know how to compromise.. I told him there’s a difference between compromising and being stupid..[Editor’s Note: Going out with him again is stupid.  He sucks.  Oh, and on a another topic, a commentor recently asked, “I’m left wondering, do some men really like bitches?”  Yes.  They do.  They perceive it as a challenge.  It’s also true that many females like guys that are kind of dicks.  Again, it’s the whole challenge thing.  The psychology is simple: We generally appreciate things we have to work for more than things that are just handed to us.  Of course, there are limits.]   I am on my iPhone so please forgive me on my grammar.. Autocorrect is not the business . No joke [Editor’s Note: Bless your souls for typing up these things to me on touchscreens.  Your fingers are warriors.]