Princess MoMo

Sometimes, we want a guy to fight for us.  Other times (in my case, most of the time), we want a guy to fuck off.  The guy below has been awkwardly lingering for over 3 YEARS now.  At what point does one cease and desist? After the narrative explaining how I met this specimen are most of the messages he’s sent me this year, none of which I’ve responded to.

On May 30, 2009, I met this character.  I had moved to NJ from DC one week prior and had to stock up on some fresh produce (i.e., new specimens).  I went to a BBQ with a friend. I scoped out the scene and honed in on Christopher because I thought he was the most attractive specimen there (but, remember, it’s all relative).  I determined that he was there without a female counterpart and then decreased the proximity between us.  Without fail, I was able to lure in my prey.  We talked for several hours and exchanged numbers.

Within minutes of leaving the BBQ, he texted me that he missed me, wished I’d come over and a bunch of other nonsense.  Crimson red flag.  The next day, he texted again asking if I wanted to come over for family BBQ.   Stupidly, I agreed.  I drove to his house to find that there was no BBQ going on and he lived in his parents’ basement.  According to him, the others who were there for the supposed BBQ had left.  We talked for a while and I assume he fed me.  (My memory isn’t 100% on this encounter because it was over 3 years ago.)  Then, he started telling me about some girl he met the night before he met me and how hot and amazing he thought she was.  Turn off.  Here’s a clue, guys, if you’re trying to mack it to a girl, telling her about how hot and amazing you think some other girl is probably isn’t the best of strategies.  I politely listened to his crap and eventually left.

That night, he texted non-stop about how great he though I was and how he couldn’t wait to see me, blah blah blah.  I responded with something to the effect of, “I think we’d be better off as friends.”  He flipped out via text and demanded a phone call because he couldn’t understand how I could break things off that way.   I didn’t understand what the fuck his problem was given we had met about 24 hours prior.   But, again stupidly, I called him.

He pled his case about how he didn’t know what went wrong and he didn’t want to lose me.  I remained calm and told him that he didn’t even know me, he should pursue the other girl and that my decision was final.  An hour and 11 minutes later (I remember that because I was highly annoyed at the waste of my time that I allowed to happen), he was repeating himself.  I said, “We’re just going in circles now after one hour and 11 minutes.”  I finally got off of the phone.

The next day, he texted me some total garbage about wanting to take a picture of me next to a beautiful rose bush.  Now, I was convinced of his insanity.  I responded with something about him missing the point of our one hour and 11 minute conversation.  He proceded to tell me about how great I am and how great we’d be together.  I ignored him.  A few days later, I noticed on facebook that he had defriended me and that he was listed as in a relationship (with the girl he had told me about).  The good news: I am way hotter than her.  The bad news: It’s irrelevant.  Within a week, that relationship was over and he sent another friend request.  Denied.

He kept texting me.  I ignored him.  Ignoring only fuels the crazy.  On June 13, 2009, he sent me the following facebook message:

I wanna fuck you.

really fucking amazingly.
quit the shit and call me.

bye.

What a ladies’ man.  Throughout the days, he continued his contact and I never responded.  Every so often, he’d send me a friend request and I’d either reject it or let it sit in facebook friend request purgatory.  I really had my hands full at the time I met him because I was dealing with another Stage 204982304823032 Clinger that I had met just one week prior to this clown and I had recently escaped yet another Clinger by moving from DC to NJ.  Eventually, all three fucked off (with the exception of continued periodic friend requests from all three).  Or so I thought until Mr. Christopher resurfaced on a dating site.

TheBestNothingLess 4/6/2012 1:23:09 PM Gonna leave me hanging out to dry hmm? It’s a pity. I truly felt we would be great for each other. Best of luck Monica

TheBestNothingLess 5/13/2012 12:52:42 PM You know? you hated my guts just because I happened to be talking to someone else at the time and I was completely honest about it. That certainly isn’t the case now and we had such great chemistry and so much in common. Why don’t you put your arrogance away and just come and hangout with me. I really like cheese and I still do now and I’d like to see where it goes if we actually gave it a shot. we are both very special and very unique and its gonna b another 1,000,000 times before you find another me so stop being so stubborn

 

everythingheisnt 6/10/2012 9:03:05 PM what do I have to do? I would like to marry you. So stop messing around and get in touch =]

TheBestNothingLess 9/25/2012 10:54:03 AM I still want my hunny back ;)

TheBestNothingLess 10/18/2012 8:04:27 PM I still want you ;) I’ve got it all now babe! Why would you not Give me a shot? LoL blind hatred!

TheBestNothingLess 10/21/2012 9:56:25 PM Still want you everytime I see you ;)

everythingheisnt 11/22/2012 9:55:31 AM Oh comeonnnnnnn. Just Go out to dinner with me and I’m sure everything will fall into place. We had an amazing time when we first met, we had so much in common, and we are awesome together! I just happen to be dating somebody else at that time but now the timing isn’t bad. So stop being so stubborn and call me 732REDACTED plus I am rich now and have all my Shit together =pHappy thanksgiving and warmest regards! Christopher

TheBestNothingLess 2/3/2013 4:06:39 PM I love you!