Princess MoMo

Subject: My Opinion On MoMo-pinion

Ordinarily, I am cultured enough to know that relaying the following sentiments to you would be uncouth since they strictly pertain to your life. However, since a) you have so generously (and humorously) opened up your dating vault for me to enjoy and b) you’re savvy enough to dig my musings, I feel very comfortable sharing my unsolicited advice, opinions, and thoughts about your love life. Oh, and also I’m just kinda bored and feel like bugging you…so deal with it.

If we were to extend Heisenberg’s principle of uncertainty to our quest to finding a significant other, the chances that two people supposedly perfect for each other to collide AND also recognize that they are perfect for each other would be practically impossible.

Accordingly, the pursuit of one’s “soul-mate” is a fruitless endeavor and we should just aim for an adequate-mate. Let’s abandon any hopes of finding the uber-attractive person with the dynamite personality who also happens to be really into us and simply settle for the best we can find within two to three years of active hunting.

In light of my brilliant deduction, I say you should date a dude who is not as attractive as you because that guy will most likely be eternally dedicated to your happiness knowing that you’re settling for less on their behalf. The caveat is that if you DO decide to board the U.S.S. Average Looks, the ship should sport a fabulously dynamic and affable personality to make up for its sub-par appearance. It’s a calculus that involves you adjusting the respective levels of physical attractiveness, hygiene, wealth, wardrobe style, and personality etc. as needed to come up with Mr. Ada Quate. So, for example, if the dude has thinning hair but loves giving you footrubs while you watch Project Runway, or the guy has six-pack abs but doesn’t know how to spell “February,” then you might consider the fellow to be breaking even.

Love the new entries! Keep ’em coming.

Best,

MoMo’s Friend

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Princess MoMo’s response:

Your deduction is so brilliant, that I already thought of it and even executed it once.  While it sounds good in theory, its application is not as good.

First, if  I am not particularly physically attracted or smitten with a specimen, I find it very difficult to tolerate his existence on any sort of regular basis.  Love makes people more flexible, even MoMo.  I have to have some level of attraction to love, and if I don’t, I remain rigid and at times downright mean.

Second, Pink Magic and I have certain standards for objects (animate and inanimate) in our photographs.  Dating an aesthetically compromised specimen may inhibit our excessive photo-taking habits because we wouldn’t want to capture a homely man in picture form, especially not beside me.

Third, when I applied your proposed theory, people frequently asked, “Why are you with him? You’re so much hotter than him.”  While I generally don’t put too much stock in the thoughts of others, these comments started to get to me.  I did not enjoy having to defend my choice of mate.  It should be obvious on its face (and from his face) that we are a good match.

Fourth, and perhaps most important of all, I would be spiting evolution if I ultimately procreated with Mr. Ada Quate.  Physical attractiveness signals genetic suitability.  As I once explained to Dennis the Menace, even animals traditionally believed to be less intelligent than humans (though judging by some of the individuals who message me on these dating sites, this notion of lower intelligence may be false), select their mates based on appearance.  If I am to one day spawn mini-MoMos, I want to ensure that the ingredients (genes) that are mixed to create these little masterpieces are of the highest quality.