So, after being in a de facto relationship for six or seven months, my first date was with Mr. 24. (The aptronym is obviously based on his age.) I figured, why not try the younger specimen thing? We exchanged a few messages on the stupid dating site and then he suggested we meet for dinner. It was forward. I like forward. We made dinner plans for a Sunday. However, we hadn’t spoken on the phone yet. Spontaneity seemed like the way to go.
But, then came Sunday. I started to fear the worst. Would he have a weird voice? Could he hold a conversation? Did he sound serial-killer-ish? I called him. He had an accent. Call me uncultured, but I don’t dig dudes with accents. I am able to get over that, though. But then, he told me he is a student. I don’t dig dudes that are students. Sigh. Fortunately, he suggested that he’d drive out to the bumblefuck in which I reside to meet me. At least that saved me travel time.
He didn’t look like his online dating picture, but he was attractive. We sat down to eat. Each of us reviewed the menu. And, guess what? It turns out he’s a vegetarian. Sigh. I love animals, but they’re so delicious. I only have one slot available in my life for a vegetarian and that slot is filled. (Shout out, Ben! You better read this entry, otherwise, I’m decapitating that BFF bear!!!! And then eating it.) He then proceeded to tell me about a business idea he has. I wasn’t impressed. I expressed my apprehension in the nicest way I possibly could, which by common standards, may not be that nice.
Dinner ended and we parted ways. Shortly, thereafter, I got the “I want to see you again” text. It read, “It was nice to meet you I had a really good time tonight.” Dating advice: If you want to see a girl again, it’s always good to close the date night off with the “I want to see you again” text. It doesn’t necessarily mean that she’ll want to see you again, but it helps your cause.
He wanted to meet the next day for happy hour, but I was already on my way home and did not want to turn around when he made his request. We planned to meet for happy hour that Wednesday. I bailed Wednesday afternoon. We spoke a few times after that and he began grating on my nerves with stupid comments.
Annoyance Example #1: After his “It was nice to meet you…” text, I apologized for the restaurant food being mediocre (which I probably shouldn’t have because he picked the place, I just took responsibility for it because it was in my neck of the woods). He replied with, “Who cares about the place when they have your eyes to look at:)” So far, that doesn’t seem so bad, right? Well, it gets exponentially more annoying from there. First, lame lines like that are unnecessary. I responded with, “haha my ‘tough’ eyes.” It was an inside joke because he said something about my bark being louder than my bite and that my eyes made it obvious that I am not really that tough. A few days later, it somehow came up that I wear contacts. He asked if they are colored. I said yes. He then proceeded to get mad at me for not telling him sooner. He said something to the effect of, “I made a comment about your eyes and you just accepted it without telling me they’re contacts.” Hell[fucking]o, I am a dark haired, tan skinned, of Middle Eastern decent human being. Is it really likely that my eyes are naturally blindingly blue? Notably, no one’s natural eye color is the shade of blue that my contacts are. I explained that it should have been obvious and that I had no obligation to disclose this information without being asked. I said to him, “If you told a girl with breast implants that you liked her breasts, is she under an obligation to tell you that they’re fake?” He said, “That’s different.” No. It’s the same and it’s annoying.
Annoyance Example #2: I told him I get my students (I teach a college course) candy. He asked what kind and I told him that I currently had lollipops. His response: “You’re a cheap teacher.” The thing is that I am not required to get my little learners candy. It is a nice gesture. I don’t need some douche telling me that my act of sweet kindness is cheap.
Annoyance Examples #3 and #4: Then, I happened to be on the phone with him when I went to re-up on candy. He said, “More candy? You’re going to give them diabetes.” He also said, “What are you going to get me?” Let’s take these annoyances in turn. Like I am not required to get them candy, my students are not required to eat the candy I give them. So, if they happen to get diabetes, it’s because of their own choices and family history. The point is that, again, he was putting a negative spin on my good deed. As for the, “What are you going to get me?” question, the answer is nothing. The reason is because he deserves nothing. It was a dumb question (yes, there really are dumb and stupid questions despite what anyone else says) and it was particularly dumb because it followed the “diabetes” comment.
These annoyances may seem like trivial comments. Perhaps I could have interpreted one or two comments of that nature as trivial, but every time we spoke, he said things that got under my skin. Eventually, I had to choose between him and the comfort of my skin. I chose my skin.
He wanted to go skiing on a Sunday. I texted him late Saturday night to let him know that I didn’t feel like waking up to do that. He said we could meet up Sunday and do something else. When he texted Sunday, I didn’t respond. When he called Sunday, I didn’t respond. I typically prefer being direct to utilizing the ignore method, but the ignore method is so much easier and doesn’t subject me to hearing more nonsense from the other party involved. He called and texted a few more times, but quickly got the hint.
THE END
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