Princess MoMo

Background: I receive fairly interesting communications on a daily basis.  This time, an individual I knew from middle school (and maybe high school?)  sent me a facebook friend request accompanied by a message.  Below is the exchange.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: hey u remember me?

Princess MoMo: Yes. Mandy’s cousin?

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: your right
[Editor’s Note: Strike one.]
now tell me if u remember this? just see if your memory is on point
“francis the praying mantis” if u can tell me why im saying this than you really have great memory
[Editor’s Note: What is this? Another riddler? Also, Strike Two.]

Princess MoMo: Because it’s all about the Benjamins?

[Editor’s Note: “It’s All About the Benjamins” is the fourth single released from the Puff Daddy album No Way Out.  Look up the lyrics.]

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: yea its from that song but why did u say it to me when i was in 5th grade and u were in 8th…

Princess MoMo: I have no clue.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: lol its one of the reasons i remember u… for some reason i brought a praying mantis to school and u were like “francis the praying mantis” and bc of that i never forgot u from that phrase
mad random!
[Editor’s Note: Strike Three.]

Princess MoMo: I see. Wow, I’m quite memorable! Did you name the praying mantis Francis?
But, my name is Princess MoMo on here. I guess you think I look the same?

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: u told me 2

Princess MoMo: But, I was asking if you actually named him Francis. Did you?

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: I think u look the same but more mature… i always thought u were pretty

Princess MoMo: Aww, thanks.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: i dont remember if i did or not…
u like a model or sumin?

Princess MoMo: No. I’m a lawyer.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: o word?!
Thats really impressive
You married? lol

Princess MoMo: No.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: Your a corporate lawyer… you should be really proud of yourself not too many people make it that far now a days
[Editor’s Note: Strike One, again.]

Princess MoMo: Thanks.
So, I’m impressed that you remembered the praying mantis bit. Now, I would like to tell you something else. I hope 14 years from now, you’ll remember this as well.
Also, don’t take this as being condescending.
“You’re” and “your” have two different meanings.
“You’re” is a contraction. It’s properly used in place of “you are.”
“Your” indicates possession.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: lol you really are a lawyer i love it!

Princess MoMo: Oh, there’s more.
“Then” and “than” have different meanings, as well.
“Than” is used in instances of comparison.
“Then” pertains to time.
That is all for now.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: i wanna hang out with you…

Princess MoMo: If only it were that simple.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: make it simple
I like that u corrected me… its intriguing i finish getting my mba this year and i want more friends like u
[Editor’s Note: Strike Three, again.]

Princess MoMo: Next lesson: it’s vs. its

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: lol hahaha

Princess MoMo: “It’s” is another contraction. It’s used in place of “it is.” (See, I even embedded an example in the explanation.)
“Its” indicates possession. Yes, this is counter to the standard rule that an apostrophe followed by ‘s’ indicates possession. I don’t make up the rules. I just follow them.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: thank you i will be cautious of this from now on as if im still in 5th grade…
this is not an excuse but besides these minor grammer mistakes im pretty smart…
[Editor’s Note: Strike Four.]

Princess MoMo: Dude, really? It’s “grammar,” not “grammer.”
You’re digging yourself a grave here.
Why would you stop using proper English after 5th grade?
I’m not sure what you plan on doing with your MBA, but regardless of what you do, it will likely involve written communication.
I can assure you that I’m not the only one who judges based on misuses of you’re/your, then/than, its/it’s, etc.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: Okay I am digging a grave… let me explain
So maybe you reconsider my potential
You’re the first person that has EVER corrected me including my professors. I sincerely want to thank you for that. To be straight up I never read a text book or even a regular book EVER. I still get good grades easily without ever having to study bc I can retain information sometimes within a glaze (depending what it is, numbers stick in my head) or I just need to understand something to remember it. I accomplished a lot without proper grammar to give you an idea of what I mean without my resume I was a RA, Student Ambassador, Freshmen and Sophomore Class President, VP of Committees, Student Body President, Student Trustee, Graduate Assistant, Human Rights Activist, and I currently work for MetLife. I literally taught myself everything I know from analyzing my surroundings, as a kid my parents weren’t on point. When it comes to street smarts I am a genius but books I am a dumb ass. Kind of the reason I did not pursue law tell you the truth. Hence, the reason I admire you. Had the Republicans try to recruit me to run for Councilman in Woodbridge, turn them down bc I’m still discovering my potential. This isn’t an excuse I know I need to fix this bc people really look up to me. They even engraved my name on a state-of-the-art science center, supposedly one of the most energy efficient buildings in NJ. I am not saying this to brag bc I’m not even all that but I’m just trying to give you an idea of what kind of person I decided to become. You’ve already made me a better person and I would SIMPLY like to pick your brain more if possible.
That is by far the longest message I have ever wrote on facebook

Princess MoMo: written*
It’s the “longest message [you] have ever written* on facebook.”
I’m not an avid reader either.
I did not study grammar or English after high school.
Somehow, with the advent of social media, I became a grammar nazi.
Unfortunately, I don’t have any accolades to show for my cyber grammatical OCD.
Anyway, great job on all of your accomplishments. I’m not sure why you feel as though you have anything to prove to me.
Oh, and you’re welcome. (In response to the “thank you” at the beginning of your message.) I’m glad you appreciate it, unlike many others who take it offensively.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: People who take offensive are insecure about their flaws. I try to embrace mine to change for the better hopefully.
lol “accolades to show for my cyber grammatical OCD”

Princess MoMo: And, look! Your grammar is already improving!!! This is so exciting!

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: I think that is a good habit
Also I know I dont have to prove anything I was attempting to digg myself out lol

Princess MoMo: My rule of thumb is if the communication is synchronous, then grammar rules need not be strictly followed (though, you’re/your, then/than do not fall into that exception). But, in asynchronous communication, grammar rules apply.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: What school did you go to?

Princess MoMo: [REDACTED] for a B.S. in marketing. [REDACTGED] for a J.D.

Mr. Francis the Praying Mantis: That’s really good! Do u plan on getting more degrees?
I can why this isn’t going to be simple… your on a different level
See**
you’re on a different dur
[Editor’s Note: His correction really pleases me. Yes, I’m a weirdo.]

Princess MoMo: I do not plan on furthering my formal education in the near future.