Princess MoMo

The seemingly endless stream of messages that flow on the dating sites is not laden with vitamins and minerals.  Instead, the stream contains mostly contaminants.  So, from time to time, I take matters into my own hands, run searches, and initiate the messaging.  Unfortunately, once I filter to site members through my criteria, there aren’t many left from which to pick.  Mr. Dracula made it through this process and advanced to round two.   Now, there were several red flags from his profile alone.   Some of the information he included was inaccurate; hence why he made it through the filtering process.  But, I found his profile, a profile in which he wrote that he is secretly a vampire, highly amusing.  So, I threw caution to the wind and wrote to him.  He responded.  I wrote back.  He responded and asked for my number.   That was a tad aggressive.  I like aggressive.  I gave him the number and the endless texting ensued – 138 of them in one day.

His texts were a bit erratic in substance, but I attributed that to his sense of humor and rolled with the punches.  (He explained on the date that he had been inebriated during that conversation and when he reread it the next day, he thought it was ridiculous and that he didn’t give me enough credit for my wittiness.)  During that text conversation, he evaded answering several basic questions.  By way of background, he’s 36 and his profile stated that he is a student.  I have a policy against dating full time students, but I assumed that given his age, he is a part time student.  In the texts, I asked if he works or just goes to school.  He replied that he had just graduated.  I asked what he was doing there at 36 and his response was, “I was waiting for you, duh.”

Soon thereafter, I asked, “So what are you doing now that you graduated other than sucking the blood out of people?

Him: Sucking the blood out of people is my number one priority, but other than that talking to really cute girls I met online named MoMo seems to be holding my interest at the moment.

Me: You’re evasive, albeit cleverly evasive.

Him: Well if I tell you every thing about me then there will be nothing to talk about on our first date.

Me: When is that?

Him: Our first date? Sooner rather than later

Me: I like your style.

Him: I agree, we should meet

Me: I’m assuming it must be after sun down when we meet, right?

Him: Of course.  I’m hoping you and I can meet for sushi and a drink, I’m easy

[Back and forth uninteresting texts.]

Him: Best thing to do is meet, if we vibe cool, if not that’s cool too

Me: Agreed

Him: Good. We should meet

Me: You’re not planning to feed on me, are you?

Him: You know I am.  You’re just going to have to risk it

Me: Turtle neck it is.  When do you want to meet (assuming you think we should meet because I’m not clear on your stance with respect to meeting)?

Him: Meeting is the best part of these sites, no one is looking to waste the others time

His insistence on meeting was a little overboard, and that led me to believe that perhaps I’d need a lifeboat if I were to meet him.  In other words, I was debating his level of psychosis.  Now, going back to refusal to disclose his line of work:  In my assessment, that meant that:

A. He is unemployed;

B. He is underemployed; or

C. He really believes he’s a vampire.

Of those choices, I settled with A.  Why, you might ask, would I proceed to meet this character?  Well, here are the reasons:

1. His profile was well written and signaled that our senses of humor are strongly aligned.

2. He’s 6’3” (that’s my favorite height in men).

3. He lives nearby.

4. He claimed that he graduated from an Ivy League school, hence he wasn’t likely to be a total idiot.

5. WTF else was I going to do on a weeknight living in the sticks?

We agreed to meet the following day at 7:30 p.m.

TO BE CONTINUED…