Princess MoMo

This post is broken up into three parts.  Part one details the elements of a standard scam email.  Part two provides an example of a scam email I recently received.  Part three is my response to the scammer.  Let’s hope he responds.
I.  Elements of a standard scam email:

1. Upfront, state that the email and its contents are legitimate.
2. Present your profession as something fairly uncommon and sophisticated-sounding.
3. YOU MUST STATE THAT YOU ARE FROM NIGERIA. No other country will do. This is perhaps the most critical element.
4. Create a Wikipedia page about yourself. You see, because it’s not like people can just go around making their own Wikipedia pages. Oh wait…
5. Create more bullshit webpages about yourself.
6. Reiterate that it is not a SCAM. Be sure to use caps when doing so, because caps = no scam. Only non-scammers use caps, so make sure to scatter caps throughout the email for effect.
7. State that you have an exorbitant amount of money. Nothing less than several millions will suffice.
8. Explain that you, for some complicated, nonsensical reason need the email recipient’s help moving the funds.
9. Offer an unrealistic percentage of the funds to the email recipient for his/her assistance in the imaginary transaction.
10. Request information from the email recipient.
11. Spell your name differently in the email. For example, the from line may state your name as “Steven,” but throughout the email, you may go by “Stephen.”

II.  Example of Scam Email

From: Steven Oronsaye
To:
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2012 2:56 AM
Subject: Urgent Investment Offer for you !

Dear Friend,

This is a genuine and legitimate request for assistance and co-operation.

My name is STEPHEN ORONSAYE, an astute technocrat and a former HEAD-OF-SERVICE to the Federal Republic of Nigeria. Recently, I have headed several PRESIDENTIAL PANELS/TASKFORCES.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stephen_Osagiede_Oronsaye
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2012/07/jonathan-reconstitutes-nnpc-board-partial-audit-report-out/
http://www.sundaytrust.com.ng/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=10809&catid=3&Itemid=110
http://naijagists.com/nuhu-ribadu-steve-oronsaye-fight-openly-over-fuel-subsidy-probe-report/
http://247ureports.com/oil-subsidy-report-more-details-on-oronsanye-escapades-jonathanobasanjo-oil-cabal-others/

This is not a SCAM and neither is it intended to be so in all it’s ramifications.I need to allay your fears because of the rampancy of incidences of Scam all over the world.

Now, I have the sum of $29 Million which was genuinely earned from government contractors, as GRATIFICATIONS, who I have assisted in the past using the instrumentality of my prestigious offices in government.

I have successfully taken out this money in CASH and have it currently deposited in a safe SECURITY VAULT overseas to avoid it being confiscated by the government since the laws of our lad prohibits my holding such amount as a formal civil servant and to avoid any probe by the anti-corruption agencies.

I will now like your assistance to move this funds into the BANKING SYSTEM since I intend to utilise part of it to finance my “Governorhship ambition in 2015” to become the next Governor of my State.

Thus, I will want you to use your experience to move this money into a safe bank account on my behalf; and I shall join you in your country to arrange the re-distribution and possible investment.

For your services, I propose to give you a share of 30% of the total sum.

Please, revert back to me immediately with your PHONE number so that we can commence this process immediately, as time is of great essence.

Sincere regards.

Stephen Oronsaye

III.  Response Sent to Scam Emailer 

Hello Steven!

I am so excited about your legitimate request. I would have never imagined that today would be the lucky day that an elite professional such as yourself would reach out to me. I reviewed your Wiki page and it is quite impressive. After reviewing said page, I began thinking, “This is too good to be true. It must be a scam.” But, then, as if you read my mind, you assured me it is not a scam. I thank you for that.

Now, let’s get down to business regarding the $29,000,000. If we’re going to team up, you’ll need to tell me the location of the SECURITY VAULT. I would like to inspect it to make sure it is secure enough to hold the funds while we master a plan to move the money. I’m not saying that I don’t trust your vault selection abilities, so please don’t take it that way. I would just like to assess its safety myself. I would also like to count the money. That might take me a while because it has been quite some time since I’ve counted to 29,000,000. And, Steven, I believe you to be a reasonable man, so you’ll understand that I view us as partners in this operation. We’re like two peas in a pod, if you will. Thus, I am interested in a 50% share in the money.

There’s also another condition if I am to help you. You said you plan to run as a candidate for the Nigerian Governor position. Congratulations! I wish you would have told me sooner. I have political aspirations of my own. But, I realize that sometimes we have to start small. So, what I’m asking is that you allow me to run your campaign for you. I have Photoshop skills that will be useful for creating a logo. I’ve been told I’m somewhat of a wordsmith, so I could effectively handle the campaign slogan as well. If you trust me to help you with $29,000,000, surely you can trust me to be your campaign manager, right?

That leaves one more issue to address — my phone number. I would love nothing more than to give you my phone number, but, unfortunately, I’m currently out of prepaid minutes. Let’s Skype instead. It’s probably best if we chat virtual face-to-face anyway. What do you say? Are we going to do this? ORONSAYE 2015!!!