Princess MoMo

Before describing the date, I’m going to include some of the messages we exchanged on the dating website.

Him: That was hands down the funniest profile I’ve EVER read! “You’re” to much… I found myself laughing hysterically. You must get some classic emails…

Me:  Thank you. So are your pictures recent? If so, you look  INCREDIBLE for your age.

Him: “for my age” huh…?! Thanks for the backhanded compliment… lmao  Ya, they’re less than a year old. Last summer, halloween, and a vacation in Jan. etc..

Me: Very nice. I wouldn’t mind swimming in your gene pool.

Him: That could be arranged… lol j.k. So, have you actually gone on any dates off of here? Oh…, and by the way what’s “your” name? lol

[Peopletalk messages exchanged – nothing interesting]

Guy: Ha, guess that’s a good thing.  Been good, just stayin busy between work and the gym. (Summer is coming have to make sure I look good for my age ;) lol Any plans for the weekend?

Me: I’d like to see this body of yours in person. I’m in DC for the weekend.

Guy: Well, when you get back we’ll have to meet up for a drink…What you doing in D.C. business or pleasure?

Me: Pleasure. Your number?

[numbers exchanged]

[texts exchanged]

[phone conversation exchanged]

And now onto the date (April 13, 2011)…

This date was conveniently scheduled on the day of waiting out for the Century Link douche that never showed up.  In the process of the 66 minute conversation with Century Link, I texted the specimen I was meeting and asked to make the date a little bit later so that I could wait some more for the Century Link motherfucker that never showed up.  He texted back asking if 7 was good.  I forgot to respond because I was ranting on the phone to Century Link customer service.  So I arrived at the restaurant at 7:04.  The specimen was no where in sight.  I texted him, “here.” And he responded that he would leave his place now because I never texted back.  More waiting out after waiting out on another guy for 11 hours that day.  Not good.

I did what any rational self-respecting individual would do and ordered some Goose, cran and orange juice at the bar.  The specimen arrived at approximately 7:27 pm.  I was texting on my device when he surfaced.  I sensed his presence, but my text had to be completed before I acknowledged him.  He came attired in a blue collared shirt which teetered on the line between fashionably acceptable and gaysexual.  I visually inspected this garment several times throughout the course of the night and ultimately determined it was the former, and not the latter – or maybe I just had too much to drink and my gaydar was compromised.  Said blue-shirted specimen sat next to me at the bar and ordered himself a gin and tonic.  I discussed with him my epic battle with Century Link.

We then moved to a table.  I confessed to him that the biggest disappointment of the date so far was that he was wearing a shirt at all.  See below for a visual depiction of why I was disappointed.

The conversation went smoothly and consistently.  Here are some highlights:

Him: I have this friend who is really funny on facebook.

Me: Oh really? I’d be interested to see this.  Can I friend him?

Him: No, he wouldn’t be able to take your abuse. He’s fragile.

Me: You think I’m abusive?

Him: I’ve only known you for an hour and yes.

Me: My only flaw is that I am a human being.

I’m sure there were others, but I can’t recall them right now and I’m bored with this post.

Anyway, the date lasted a shocking four hours.  At which point, he was a perfect gentleman and walked me to my car.  We calendared a second date for two days later, he made fun of me for having a tattoo of  my ex-boyfriend’s name and for having my car all decked out in zebra print, told me to text him when I go home and hugged me goodbye.

On my way home, of course I got pulled over because the police seem to love harassing the Princess.  Fortunately, I was not issued a citation.  I texted the specimen when I got home and he responded.  As a result of this immediate post-date communication and advanced scheduling of a second encounter, I don’t have to worry about him being a JIM, SAL, ADAM or worst of all DICK!

Grade: B+

Explanation: While he did almost everything properly on this first date and the conversation was  great, I didn’t get the “I can’t wait to see him again” feeling.  There’s two likely possibilities for that: 1. He’s unexciting; or 2. I’m no longer capable of that feeling.  I report, you decide.  Additionally, the date went too smoothly to provide me with a quality story for my blog.  I date for the greater good: to entertain you.