‘Twas 13 nights before Christmas, when all through the City Drunk Santas were stirring, sipping, and getting shitty; Amateurs were imbibing with not a bit of a care, We even witnessed one person fall off her chair. Predators were prowling for prey to place snug in their beds, While visions of getting it in […]
Mr. JW: Another Prematurely Meet the Family Tale
Mr. JW comes to us from the cyber world of dating. Our first meeting was a simple “let’s grab drinks” tryst. We got along well enough, but it was nothing to write home about…yet. A few days later, he suggested another date. His idea? Mini golf. He earned points for that, not because I like […]
Mr. Crazy, Esq.
I don’t write these stories; they practically write themselves. Once upon a time, I attended a reputable institution of higher learning. While there, I met Mr. Crazy, Esq. We weren’t best friends and we weren’t lovers. One might categorize us as kind-of-friends, at best. I’ll explain how we met later in the story. Anyway, one […]
Mr. Super Annoyer – Six and a half years later
Six and a half wretched YEARS ago, the specimen gods shat up Mr. Super Annoyer into my life. Aside from the party at which I met him, I willingly subjected myself to him once more. That was all. At the conclusion of that day, a day long ago, I explicitly stated to him that I was […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating
To avoid the drudgery of reading one lame-ass message after another in the cyber dating world, I very recently implemented a new rule. The rule is that cyber suitors must write to me in rhyme. My online dating profile is styled in the form of the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Here […]
Mr. Clambake
In search of a first date idea? Try a clam bake. In our initial messages on a dating site, Mr. Clambake mentioned his plans to attend a clam bake in the upcoming weeks. His excitement was uncontainable. I can’t honestly say that I was intrigued by the idea of this glutton-fest. As is typically […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART II)
FOR PART I, CLICK HERE Textual relations with Mr. Chameleon ensued. I communicated my desire to see him that night. He reluctantly told me that he had a blind date set for the night. Shortly thereafter, he said she bailed. So, as circumstance would have it, we ended up meeting up for what was […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART I)
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about a specific specimen in detail. To make up for that, this piece will cover at least four of them – a far stretch from the Fantastic Four. For the past seven months, I’ve been in an unlabeled relationship with one we’ll call Mr. Bullshit. Mr. Bullshit and […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part V
ThePureRican Stalking you? LMFAO…Princess, The King’s Back, damé beso, yeah gimme kiss/Sorry, you just came up first when I searched for worst poet on Plenty of Fish/Gawkin? in disgust, Babygirl, more like hackin’/Swiped left on “Meet Me”, NEXT, King got back to mackin’/Now you can see how much your lyrics are just a small […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part IV
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II CLICK HERE FOR PART III ThePureRican 10/7/2015 9:43:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Arabia, please, I’ve just been exhausted/ I see I’ve gotten to you so bad that you’ve completely lost it/ Back to tex’, call me Rex, a Fine Tyrannosaurus/ Lil’ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part III
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II ThePureRican 10/6/2015 9:00:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content I apologize, I was riding, didn’t mean to stop our debate/ I truly wish you a Happy Birthday, a Blessed day and night to celebrate/ Don’t get too comfortable though, tomorrow take a look/ Philoso_Phish […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part II
CLICK HERE FOR PART I ThePureRican 10/6/2015 1:41:25 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Oh, here we go, this chick acts like she wrote the book of rhymes/ Trying to get technical, okay, let’s get it on, it’s lunch time/ See nothing on my country? Let’s be honest, not the case or is it?/ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess
ThePureRican 10/5/2015 6:34:07 PM Report this message for inappropriate content The Pure Rican is the PUREST, Arabia, of all pure/ So be careful what you ask for/ Because if this Rican licked your labia, you’d be hooked, askin’ for more/ Trust me, it’s not a joke, I’d be willing to make the bet/ ThePureRican, once […]
“Dear Fat People” Response
My two cents on the “Dear Fat People” video: 1. It wasn’t funny, but not because of the subject matter. It just wasn’t funny. I haven’t watched anything of hers that I found funny. She’s annoying and her videos make me feel epileptic. 2. This “I’m so offended, boy who cried bullying” epidemic needs to […]
Strong Hands
I am curious as to what he wants to ask. Does he want to put my hands to use building something?