I’m out of titles for the Mr. Lambo series. As usual, the pink Editor’s Notes provide my commentary. —————————————————————————————————————————————— Recently Princess and I have not been spending much time together. We live different lifestyles which sometimes makes it difficult for our schedules to match. I prefer to wake up at an early hour and […]
Online Dating Fails: PlentyofShit – Four Hours in the Inbox
The popular online dating website, PlentyofFish, or as I like to call it, PlentyofShit (“POS”), abruptly canceled my profile. My guess is that my “suspicious” activity yesterday of opening every one of the multitude of messages in my POS inbox for purposes of extracting blog fodder tipped them off. I wrote to them inquiring as to what they […]
Guest Submission: Mr. Marathon Runner Part III
Click here for Mr. Marathon Part I Click here for Mr. Marathon Part II Brief Overview: Mr. Marathon Runner is a douche. For more details on his douchery, click on the links above. January 9, 2012 Female: I am on a date with William aka Marathon man.. Having chips, wine and listening to Jay-z at […]
Online Dating Fails: Another Marriage Proposal
Specimen: hey wats up.. you have a beautiful smile. can i marry u ? i already bought your ring and wedding dress! Analysis: But, he doesn’t know my dress or ring size! In all seriousness, this message isn’t clever or appealing. It’s not even original. Here are examples of others who have suggested marriage in […]
Online Dating: A day in the online dating inbox (December 30, 2011)
Have you ever wondered what an online dating female’s inbox looks like on a given day? Wonder no more! These are the messages I received on December 30, 2011. Mind you, I’ve had a profile on this particular site for 10 months, which means that the number of messages has significantly dwindled because many users […]
Online Dating Fails: Five times the messages, five times the failure
11/29/2011 10:18:32 AM Subject Line: friends with benefits Hi, I’m Kyle. Check mine out and let me know what you think. Thanks 11/29/2011 11:14:49 AM Subject Line: 2nd try Hi, I’m Kyle. I like your profile and I think we would make a great match. Please check mine out and let me know what you […]
The End of Mr. Lambo (False Alarm)
After the release of Mr. Lambo’s rendition of our second date with my charming Editor’s Notes, Mr. Lambo gave me what I perceived as the silent treatment. Initially, I figured he was toning down the amount of contact because I had expressed that the excessive communication was making me feel smothered. I sent him a facebook message […]
Online Dating Fails: Valentino
Specimen: Hello, I would like to take a moment and write here in this message, just to let you know that I went through your profile and pic and I liked it. I would like to know more about you. My name is Valentino, I leave and work in Manhattan. I know this and other […]
Guest Submission: Mr. Marathon Runner Part II
Click here for Part I December 29, 2011 Female Friend: So I get a text message last night while I was out cold with this fucking cold and it’s of the dish he was suppose to make for me tonight.. So basically he’s enjoying it while it’s hot and I am suppose to enjoy his […]
Online Dating Fails: Great Conversationalist
Specimen: Hi, how are you, Im Randy nice to meet you, just came across your profile and I think you look great on your pictures, Im very easy going and def. I can hold a good conversation, so it would be nice if we could get to know each other, even if it means just […]
Online Dating Fails: Just saying hi
Specimen: hi..I am kinda new at this online dating thing but thought you where cute and just wanted to say hi.. ——————————————————————————————————————————————- Analysis: This message is analogous to walking up to a female specimen at a bar and saying, “I’m new to dating, you’re hot, but I have nothing else to say.” It doesn’t fly. […]
Guest Submission: Mr. Marathon Runner
A blog reader and now cyber friend has been reporting her dating ongoings to me. Initially, she started with an interesting mission: 30 dates in 30 days. I did not get reports on each of the guys, though. When she told me of her idea, I expressed my skepticism and asked a series of questions. […]
Online Dating Fails: Does anyone get this joke?
Subject Line: Well, Hey, Look at You Hey girl hey, I just stumbled on your profile while I am sooooooooooooooooooo not busy at work, but so is the life on a Monday during this unpredictable weather, and I thought you seemed very very interesting, not to mention very good looking and I’d love to see […]
Date Dissection 12/18/11 – Mr. Lamborghini (MoMo’s Version)
Click here for the initial online dating site exchange with Mr. Lambo. Click here for Mr. Lambo’s rendition of the facts detailed below. I called him the evening after our message exchanges. At first, I didn’t think I would like this specimen because he talked continuously for many minutes about how cool he is and […]
Date Dissection – Hide your kid, hide your wife – 12/16/11
How We May Or May Not Have Met On October 27, 2008, I met a new friend in DC. During my last few months in the District, I met several people through that friend. Mr. Surprises may or may not have been one of those people. On December 7, 2008, I attended a party with […]