To avoid the drudgery of reading one lame-ass message after another in the cyber dating world, I very recently implemented a new rule. The rule is that cyber suitors must write to me in rhyme. My online dating profile is styled in the form of the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Here […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART II)
FOR PART I, CLICK HERE Textual relations with Mr. Chameleon ensued. I communicated my desire to see him that night. He reluctantly told me that he had a blind date set for the night. Shortly thereafter, he said she bailed. So, as circumstance would have it, we ended up meeting up for what was […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART I)
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about a specific specimen in detail. To make up for that, this piece will cover at least four of them – a far stretch from the Fantastic Four. For the past seven months, I’ve been in an unlabeled relationship with one we’ll call Mr. Bullshit. Mr. Bullshit and […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part IV
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II CLICK HERE FOR PART III ThePureRican 10/7/2015 9:43:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Arabia, please, I’ve just been exhausted/ I see I’ve gotten to you so bad that you’ve completely lost it/ Back to tex’, call me Rex, a Fine Tyrannosaurus/ Lil’ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part III
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II ThePureRican 10/6/2015 9:00:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content I apologize, I was riding, didn’t mean to stop our debate/ I truly wish you a Happy Birthday, a Blessed day and night to celebrate/ Don’t get too comfortable though, tomorrow take a look/ Philoso_Phish […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part II
CLICK HERE FOR PART I ThePureRican 10/6/2015 1:41:25 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Oh, here we go, this chick acts like she wrote the book of rhymes/ Trying to get technical, okay, let’s get it on, it’s lunch time/ See nothing on my country? Let’s be honest, not the case or is it?/ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess
ThePureRican 10/5/2015 6:34:07 PM Report this message for inappropriate content The Pure Rican is the PUREST, Arabia, of all pure/ So be careful what you ask for/ Because if this Rican licked your labia, you’d be hooked, askin’ for more/ Trust me, it’s not a joke, I’d be willing to make the bet/ ThePureRican, once […]
Dating: Too many toothpastes
It’s 7 a.m. (Ok, it’s really 7:14 a.m. because it took you 14 minutes to get out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready for work.) So, it’s 7:14 a.m. You rub the sleep out of your eyes while reaching for your pink toothbrush. The oral kingdom needs to be cleaned! To your disappointment, […]
The Wedding Crasher – Mr. Daywalker
On rare occasion, I cross state lines into the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania. On this particular evening of November 14, 2014, I headed to the Valley Forge Casino for the night to meet a friend for a comedy show. I hastily packed before leaving. I went to step out of my bedroom with my overnight bag, […]
Mr. Hong Kong Part IV (Let There be Light)
Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part I (Vegas Pink Monkey). Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part II (The Getaway). Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part III (Sodom, Gomorrah, and Rihanna). That night, Mr. Hong Kong and crew said let there be light; and so we went to Light. If I […]
Homeless Penis
Apparently, a pastor wrote that women are penis homes. Finding that concept hysterical, I wanted to incorporate it in conversation. So, I did.
Mr. Hong Kong Part III (Sodom, Gomorrah, and Rihanna)
Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part I (Vegas Pink Monkey). Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part II (The Getaway). Vegas is a strange place. It is like the land of drinking make believe. Scraps of food and an hour of sleep a day are sufficient to support 12+ hours of Goosing and […]
Mr. Hong Kong Part II (The Getaway)
Click here for Mr. Hong Kong Part I (Vegas Pink Monkey). Was it love at first sight? No. My sight was probably pretty blurred at that point. (Actually, it wasn’t. My liver won organ of the year for its performance in Vegas that week.) Anyway, the club isn’t a place for love; it’s a place for Goose, music, […]
Mr. Hong Kong Part I (Pink Vegas Monkey)
Once upon a time (July 2, 2013), I boarded a plane to LA. A friend from Jersey (we’ll call him “Bill”) and I went to visit a friend who lives there (we’ll call him “Brian”). The following day, we three amigos drove to Vegas. The desert temperature rose to a soaring 120 degrees, but we […]
Mr. Pharaonically Insane – The Ice Grill
The Ancient Egyptians are rolling in their graves. I got too cocky in my dating and didn’t prescreen properly. Mr. Pharaonically Insane sent me a message with his number and I called him. We chatted for a bit and he asked if I wanted to meet up. He told me he lives in Somerset, which […]