Mr. Buffalo Bill and I Bumble matched and exchanged some decent banter. Because we live near one another, we agreed to meet for a drink. I presented my exit strategy pre-meeting, notifying him that the drink would have to be quick because I had to go walk my creatures. I spotted him seated at […]
Online Dating Clichés
Why not to write in your online dating bio: Here are the most cliché things I’ve observed on Bumble, a dating app similar to Tinder except that it requires women to initiate contact and has an expiration time on matches. Looking for a “down to earth” girl. – Really? Do these men frequently encounter women […]
Shout out to Traitor Jo’s Friends…
Stuck in my business like in a dope fiend’s arm, a needle Thought by now you’d have overdosed, too much MoMo’s lethal You’re toxic and shitty, matter of a fact, you’re not friends, you’re fecal Bet you’ve been refreshing my site, searching for some more, a saucy sequel You can’t get enough of this rhyming […]
Traitor Jo Rap
Honesty is the best policy, but your pathology had you chronically lying to me, now you come with an apology for the distorted and twisted chronology, but it’s not genuine, much like reverse psychology, time to clean up that shit, call it a cleansing colonoscopy No hard feelings or bad blood, bet you can relate […]
Online Dating Greetings: Don’t Cockblock Yourself
“Hi.” “How are you?” “How’s your Tuesday?” “How was your breakfast?” “How are your holidays?” “You’re pretty. I’d like to get to know you.” “We have a lot in common. Let’s chat.” Garbage. Landfill quality, non-recyclable garbage worthy of no response other than, if at all, “thanks for the trash.” Think about it. If […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: An Ode to Aladdin Part III
Part I Part II GenericHero 7/25/2016 11:43:50 AM Report this message for inappropriate content You got some fancy words but so do I I don’t need 5 syllables to be soundin’ fly Got you researchin’ words cause my rhymes you hatin’ I’m more dangerous then internet datin’ Now all bets are off and my game […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Ode to Aladdin Part II
CLICK HERE FOR PART I GenericHero 7/23/2016 5:27:38 PM Report this message for inappropriate content see it was early in the morning before I had my coffee If mistakes cant be made, I think i’d rather be free Its just I hate even finding the apostrophe Its so much quicker to ignore it but now […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Ode to Aladdin
GenericHero 7/22/2016 9:40:11 PM Report this message for inappropriate content I finally found a girl who likes to spit waited all day and all damn night but sh!t it seemed like im the only one who could drop a line but then I found a rappin jasmine, and damn was she fine I had a […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Surrender
CJ0806 2/7/2016 2:12:39 AM Report this message for inappropriate content Your rap is copying the fresh prince song. I can do much better than that. Yo my name is Chris, I have to go piss, I’m in grad school because I’m looking for a tool to become successful, I’m in marketing but like farting, I […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: 90s Rap Theme
workorbeach 1/26/2016 5:11:41 PM Yo, Philosophish, let’s kick it! Hey hey baby Hey hey baby All right stop Read this email and listen Jay is here with a brand new invention The beach grabs a hold of me tightly Favorite place to spend my days both daily and nightly Will it ever stop? Yo, No […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Marty aka Lil Bitch
Me: It’s cute how you initiated contact, now you say I’m too thin. Something else clearly lacking thickness is your little bitch skin. I kept it 100 and honest with you from the gate. In return, you’re mailing me insecurity-fueled hate. I’m flying nowhere; can’t board the plane; I’m the bomb. Now run along, […]
Mr. JW: Another Prematurely Meet the Family Tale
Mr. JW comes to us from the cyber world of dating. Our first meeting was a simple “let’s grab drinks” tryst. We got along well enough, but it was nothing to write home about…yet. A few days later, he suggested another date. His idea? Mini golf. He earned points for that, not because I like […]