Honesty is the best policy, but your pathology had you chronically lying to me, now you come with an apology for the distorted and twisted chronology, but it’s not genuine, much like reverse psychology, time to clean up that shit, call it a cleansing colonoscopy No hard feelings or bad blood, bet you can relate […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: Picasso
Picasso2015 11/26/2016 8:32:32 AM Report this message for inappropriate content It’s too early for this shit, but im a real MC too legit , Sucker for a challenge, I guess that’s my talent, middle eastern roots, so you know I got game, I’m on one like Khalid but I ain’t on snapchat for the fame, […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: An Ode to Aladdin Part III
Part I Part II GenericHero 7/25/2016 11:43:50 AM Report this message for inappropriate content You got some fancy words but so do I I don’t need 5 syllables to be soundin’ fly Got you researchin’ words cause my rhymes you hatin’ I’m more dangerous then internet datin’ Now all bets are off and my game […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating: 90s Rap Theme
workorbeach 1/26/2016 5:11:41 PM Yo, Philosophish, let’s kick it! Hey hey baby Hey hey baby All right stop Read this email and listen Jay is here with a brand new invention The beach grabs a hold of me tightly Favorite place to spend my days both daily and nightly Will it ever stop? Yo, No […]
Mr. Redcoat: ‘Twas 13 Nights Before Christmas
‘Twas 13 nights before Christmas, when all through the City Drunk Santas were stirring, sipping, and getting shitty; Amateurs were imbibing with not a bit of a care, We even witnessed one person fall off her chair. Predators were prowling for prey to place snug in their beds, While visions of getting it in […]
Epic Rap Battles of Online Dating
To avoid the drudgery of reading one lame-ass message after another in the cyber dating world, I very recently implemented a new rule. The rule is that cyber suitors must write to me in rhyme. My online dating profile is styled in the form of the theme song from Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Here […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part IV
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II CLICK HERE FOR PART III ThePureRican 10/7/2015 9:43:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Arabia, please, I’ve just been exhausted/ I see I’ve gotten to you so bad that you’ve completely lost it/ Back to tex’, call me Rex, a Fine Tyrannosaurus/ Lil’ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part III
CLICK HERE FOR PART I CLICK HERE FOR PART II ThePureRican 10/6/2015 9:00:15 PM Report this message for inappropriate content I apologize, I was riding, didn’t mean to stop our debate/ I truly wish you a Happy Birthday, a Blessed day and night to celebrate/ Don’t get too comfortable though, tomorrow take a look/ Philoso_Phish […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess Part II
CLICK HERE FOR PART I ThePureRican 10/6/2015 1:41:25 PM Report this message for inappropriate content Oh, here we go, this chick acts like she wrote the book of rhymes/ Trying to get technical, okay, let’s get it on, it’s lunch time/ See nothing on my country? Let’s be honest, not the case or is it?/ […]
POF rap battle: PureRican vs. Fresh Princess
ThePureRican 10/5/2015 6:34:07 PM Report this message for inappropriate content The Pure Rican is the PUREST, Arabia, of all pure/ So be careful what you ask for/ Because if this Rican licked your labia, you’d be hooked, askin’ for more/ Trust me, it’s not a joke, I’d be willing to make the bet/ ThePureRican, once […]
Mr. Local Engineer
The inaugural date after over a year hiatus comes to you courtesy of Tinder. Mr. Local Engineer and I matched. Below are the initial messages. After additional back and forth, we determined that we live in the same town. He asked if I wanted to meet up that night. I agreed. If you recall from […]
Mr. Pharaonically Insane – The Ice Grill
The Ancient Egyptians are rolling in their graves. I got too cocky in my dating and didn’t prescreen properly. Mr. Pharaonically Insane sent me a message with his number and I called him. We chatted for a bit and he asked if I wanted to meet up. He told me he lives in Somerset, which […]
Online Dating: Poetic Exchange
Interestingly, my new online dating profile has been inspiring poetic messages. I am pleased with that result. Below is an example. Shakespearean Specimen: Prince MoMo I may or may not be, but certainly a troll you shall not see. Whether you seek my company or that of another, I value my lady as taught by my […]
Online Dating: Mr. Riddles Part 3
Click here for Mr. Riddles Part 1 Click here for Mr. Riddles Part 2 Mr. Riddles: Emily Blunt, Let’s get something straight: I said from the beginning that I only messaged you to prove that all guys aren’t idiots. Also, my claims are not unsubstantiated because I failed to answer your futile attempt at weeding […]