Conversation between P-Mo and her cyber bff re: Mr. Plane:
Cyber bff: I’ve decided that it is slightly suspicious to have a farm and not have any animals. Not even a couple of dogs?
Princess MoMo: So do you think he’s disguising burial grounds for his female specimen victims as a farm?
Cyber bff: Possibly. Or, he is not an animal lover. (Almost) equally, not ok.
Princess MoMo: He told me that he feeds apples to the horses on neighboring farms. So, unless he’s like the witch in Snow White serving poisonous apples, it would seem that he does not hate animals. His explanation for having no animals is that he likes to pick up and travel whenever he feels like it without having to arrange for the care of other living creatures.
Cyber bff: Time for the guy to put down some roots.
Princess MoMo: Have you forgotten about the ten basil plants he has?
Cyber bff: Oh, right. Even I can keep those alive. (What single guy needs 10 basil plants?)
Princess MoMo: Well, if indeed he is living on cemetery grounds, the basil may serve to freshen the surrounding aroma. Alternatively, maybe he’s a cannibal and he uses the basil to season his human cuisine.
Princess MoMo: More important, his communication frequency is unsatisfactory. On Saturday morning, he told me he’d call me that night; he didn’t. Sunday night, I texted him and within the hour, he called me. I missed the call because I was asleep. Monday, I texted him again. No response or call. And nothing so far today. I assume he’ll call tonight, but in my world failure to respond to a text within 24 hours is inexcusable, barring death of the text recipient, his close family members/friends or device issues.
Cyber bff: Has this topic been discussed?
Princess MoMo: Yes. The communication topic has been discussed. The discussion commenced at 11:20 p.m. last Tuesday. It seemed to resonate until Saturday.
Cyber bff: That just shows you that it’s never really going to change.
We’ve got two (part time) kids, [my boyfriend] cooks and uses basil a lot, and we wouldn’t need 10 basil plants. Something is fishy. Maybe you can teach one of the huahuas to be a cadaver sniffer and bring him over to the farm. (Zeus doesn’t look smart enough for it)
Princess MoMo: Astute observation about Zeus not being the brightest canine in the pack. I’m not really sweatin’ Mr. Plane, or any other specimen at the moment. He’s fun and provides blog-worthy adventures, but I no longer vest significant amounts of interest in these guys in the initial courting phase.
Cyber bff: Generally, big dogs that smush themselves into little beds, tend to be a little light on the IQ scale. Plus, he has that blank, deer-in-headlights look on his face.
Mr. Plane would be better off with less grandiose dates and more attention to detail.
Princess MoMo: Agreed. We’ll see when/if he has anything else to say. His usual call time is between 11 – 11:30 p.m., unless he wants to make plans, in which case he’ll call earlier. Note, his preferred and almost exclusive channel of communication is by telephone conversation. He no longer responds to my texts via text, nor has he satisfied my request for his email address. To my knowledge, he does not subscribe to any social media platforms.
Cyber bff: He hasn’t given you his email address? Very bizarre.
Princess MoMo: He does not share our fondness for all that is electronic communication. Maybe he’s secretly part Amish.
Cyber bff: Amish people don’t have planes.
Boys who do not like electronics are mildly upsetting to me (read: my boyfriend).
Princess MoMo: The good news is that he is seemingly capable of fixing things. That’s a desirable trait in a man. The device aversion is mildly upsetting to me too. Whenever we hang out, he wants me to be apart from my device. That causes me separation anxiety.
Cyber bff: There is a happy medium between complete device abondment and fixation on fb updates. He should be able to understand the difference. My boyfriend doesn’t know how to fix things, but he is very capable of calling (and paying) those who do.