Princess MoMo,
Hello. My name is Michael [redacted]. I miss your big beautiful eyes and your sparkling personality. I have traveled far and wide and you were right, there are no replacements for the Princess. Ironically, as I typed the last line I found a strand of your hair. I know you are about to say “its not mine it must be some other bitches,” but there are no other bitches and your hair is very unique so I’m sure its yours. I apologize for not calling you when I was away – it felt like an ok move at the time but when I called you the other day I immediately realized when you answered that it was pretty shitty when you greeted me with a sarcastic “Heeeeeyyyyyyyy”
Anyways, I know what you are thinking and it is not true. It is not a case of me just contacting you when I have nothing better to do, rather it is just a case of a lack of common sense. I really am sorry and I hope to see you soon.
p.s. sorry to make you watch that crappy movie Snakes on a Plane
Miss u,
Mike
Princess MoMo’s Response:
M-
I’m glad you properly introduced yourself because when I first saw the email, I wasn’t quite sure who it was from. Thanks for clearing things up.
Anyway, we are on different pages right now. Or as I like to put it, we’re not even in the same book. I want something more substantial and long term and you just want to do what feels right temporarily. I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t want to get caught up in a relationship for 2 or 3 years, or even 1 year, just to break up because there is no potential long term prospect in that relationship.
Furthermore, grad school really is demanding and if I’m going to devote time to someone, I want it to be worthwhile. I can’t deal with the up and downs we have or your selectivity with regard to talking to me. I’m not going to put up with not being a priority over bars, oceans, airplanes, and perhaps most troubling, snakes.
I don’t really know what else to tell you other than I’m not going to give up weekends to see you. It is essential that I get reading done over the weekend and clearly you saw that that didn’t happen last time you came. Moreover, having me in your life will just get in your way of meeting someone new. If you really do want to be just friends, that means that if we see each other, we’ll sleep in different beds, you can’t kiss me, you shouldn’t really miss me, and neither of us has to be a priority to the other.
It’s really weird that you seemed to really not give a shit about me and now that I’m gone, you’re having second thoughts. Think it through. Do you miss me or just having someone around? Because you can find other people to have around. Clearly those people won’t be as funny, cute, charming, smart and sexy as me…clearly. But there are others.
Have a great day.
To view other correspondence with Mike:
so what are you going to do about Mike? He might be a Jim in disguise, be careful.