my nuts are better… It is amazing what healthy balls will do for a man’s mental state.
EMAIL FROM SPECIMEN TO PRINCESS (in response to this)
my nuts are better. while having essentially an opposite mental and emotional connotation than your opening, it too is a great opening line. I thought it necessary to tell you, because with my recent healing I feel as though I just stopped pms’ing. It is amazing what healthy balls will do for a man’s mental state.
That paragraph probably doesn’t have much to do with what is to come, but subconsciously, since I am in a happy/more pleasant state of mind, I am sure some effect will trickle into my response. With all of that said, these are in no way standard things that won’t change with the slightest amount of rational thought as I, to quote the intelligible Kelly C., change my mind more than a girl changes clothes. I hate her, by the way, and think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. So, on to the numericized points.
1. What I bring to the table is neither fake nor stupid. Please do not make false allegations toward my contributions to our relationship for personal gratification. In doing so, the terms used are now applicable to the actions coming from your end. Let it be noted, that I said actions, not directly you.. I don’t think you are either fake or stupid, rather I prefer terminology along the lines of cute and smart. Lastly, you were the one who put ‘normal friends’ on the table. Indian giver. Native American style. I have no knowledge on the trading practices of people from India or the East Indies.
2. The difficulty of such a friendship is agreed upon. I really enjoy kissing your face.. and the body attached there to. The standard of attractiveness you have set is also agreed upon. You look good, no arguing that point. Please see point 6 for the other people/agreement thing. You mildly lost me with the horse reference. Either way, it is unfair to the horse to cast aspersions against his intellectual capacity because you have negated a deeper understanding of his being. I will however, take you calling me a horse as a compliment. Steed-like.. Endowed.. Enjoys spending time outdoors.. Qualities that I agree I share.
I will however, take you calling me a horse as a compliment. Steed-like.. Endowed.. Enjoys spending time outdoors.. Qualities that I agree I share.
3. I’ve come to learn your non-fencedness in regards to essentially everything. I like that about you. I do appreciate the walls going up and coming down. Don’t think for any second that I don’t. But if it ends up the walls stay how they were, we might have to build an addition on the top of the wall to prevent 6’6″ big penised men from scaling it. Although, the automatic call alarm, while ineffective, was a nice touch.
4. I didn’t think either of those things. Especially the latter. Especially since most fish don’t actually have sexual intercourse. The female lays the eggs and then the male later fertilizes them. Not much enjoyment there. See point 6 for further elaboration.
5. I’m not an economics major.
In many other aspects its because I don’t want to get hurt. Call me selfish, but deep down inside there is a fragile kid who is scared of putting himself out there. Unless the dragon ate him. I haven’t checked in lately since I gave him a years supply of m&ms to live off of months ago.
6. So here’s the deal. I like you. I enjoy our interactions. My lacking of laying fish eggs with you comes on the basis of a several different factors, some of which include:
-The first and foremost, yes, I’m confused about everything and rediculous.
-In many other aspects its because I don’t want to get hurt. Call me selfish, but deep down inside there is a fragile kid who is scared of putting himself out there. Unless the dragon ate him. I haven’t checked in lately since I gave him a years supply of m&ms to live off of months ago.
-You are leaving in a couple of months. And in the last however many months we’ve known each other, we’ve hung out three times. [granted – vacation, etc..]
-While erasers are on all pencils because everyone makes mistakes, the debacle when we were starting out definitely isn’t helping.
The term mutually exclusive gives me nervous belly. While I’ve dated several people since I was in a serious relationship, you’d be the first for the next level. Bare with me.
I was really looking forward to that certificate. It sounded quite nice. I suppose if the worst case scenario happens, the silver lining does help. Out of your friends I’ve met, I do like Rick the best.
goodnight.
EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN
I have neither the time nor desire to spend time responding to reindeer games as I am not santa claus
2. I’m slightly inebriated and in a cab on my way out
3. You spelled ridiculous wrong and in your last facebook message to me, you used are instead of is and I’m still not over it
4. I’m now at my destination so I have neither the time nor desire to spend time responding to reindeer games as I am not santa claus
reindeer are the only species of deer in which both the males and females grow antlers. regardless, i don’t play games with them.
EMAIL FROM SPECIMEN TO PRINCESS
1. i thought it was rather substantial.
2. have fun.
3. i did spell ridiculous wrong. i checked the message and there was no error between the usage of ‘are’ and ‘is’. i’m now bothered by your false correction.
4. reindeer are the only species of deer in which both the males and females grow antlers. regardless, i don’t play games with them.
I don’t care if you’re bothered by my false correction as I’m often bothered by your mere existence.
EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN
Stop bothering me unless you have something real to say. I don’t care if you’re bothered by my false correction as I’m often bothered by your mere existence. Now I need to focus 100% on dancing rather than 50% dancing 50% blackberrying. I need to kick off my 6 day weekend. Stop bullshitting me. I told you luke warm isn’t my style and I have readjusted the temperature with you for an unprincess like time. It’s running the fuck out.
tell him to grow a pair. i thought he had healthy balls but he’s acting like he has no balls at all.
PRINCESS’S FRIENDS’ REACTIONS
FRIEND1: Hes smart, and I like him. He said exactly what we predicted but in a really entertaining way. That being said, he did not answer the question or admit that he would not talk to you … he is buying time.
FRIEND2: oh wah wah he’s scared. whatever. tell him to grow a pair. i thought he had healthy balls but he’s acting like he has no balls at all.
2 Responses to “Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 2”