Princess MoMo: Wow, I can’t believe your profile is longer than mine!!! You should refine your grammar quiz though. Check out my version for ideas.
[I reprinted the text of his profile at the end of this post.]
Specimen: thanks…. I think. I can be a bit pedantic at times :-) I got a laugh from yours… and you’re not the only girl who seems to get annoyed with poor grammar.
I find you quite attractive and I’m curious as to your ethnic background. I’ll also have to look up your business.
I’m [NAME REDACTED, and I hope this leads to us having a drink :-)
Specimen: I just finished reading your entire profile and had skimmed over the witty “me inc.” section…..so, as I thought you ran a business, apparently you work in legal.
That’s great, I need a criminal defense lawyer often.
Are you an attorney?
I’m totally kidding about needing criminal defense, and my father is in federal law enforcement.
Princess MoMo: Egyptian. Employment-wise, I’m an attorney.
I’m MoMo. As for drinks, I’m game.
Specimen: Great.
908REDACTED, should you care to start with SMS
We can set something up for later in the coming week if you’re schedule permits.
Princess MoMo: Revise this sentence and then I will consider
texting you: “We can set something up for later in the
coming week if you’re schedule permits.”
Specimen: Did I send that? the Droid auto-correct features drive me nuts sometimes. Trust me, I have never misused your, then, etc.
:-)
Princess MoMo: Lies this soon?
Princess MoMo: I was joking with you. Hope you’re not offended.
Specimen: not at all…. thick skin and a good sense of humor. I’m actually really intrigued by the prospect of a female who may be smarter than me….. lol
[A few days elapsed during which we exchanged a few texts and spoke on the phone once.]
Specimen: The article you linked to was fascinating… and so true.
As for the blog; I really enjoyed the reading, as it’s quite amusing, however, it does give me some pause, hoping I won’t be a test subject lol…Just don’t use my name as it impacts my career.
I love the use of “specimen”. You have a wonderful command of the English language. I look forward to correcting you and maybe teaching you a few new words. I’ll have to brush up on my vocabulary and grammar!
It was my pleasure speaking with you today, and I look forward to getting together, hopefully later this week. I hope to present a bit more positive representation of bachelors in NJ lol.
THE DATE:
Several days went by between the first time we spoke and the next time he called – ten days to be exact. There were a few texts exchanged in between the two calls, but that wasn’t enough to keep him relevant. In fact, when he called the second time, I had to scrounge for his messages on the dating site in order to figure out his name. (I don’t program contacts into my device unless I intend to maintain communications with the specimen for longer than three weeks. You may be wondering how I am able to identify who is calling/texting me if the numbers aren’t stored. I recognize the numbers.)
Anyway, we ended up talking for over two hours. (Which in real people phone time may seem like an eternity, but for MoMo, it’s par for the course. I’m not a player, I just talk a lot.) We met up for a drink the following day.
First impression: Nice hair and teeth. As usual, I was wearing heels that night. Once I stepped out of the MoMo-mobile, I realized that he was not as tall as I had anticipated. On the dating site, he was self-advertised as 5’10 1/2″. I did not have a tape measure on me to confirm my conclusion that he is not 5’10 1/2″, but I can fairly accurately gauge a specimen’s height. Notwithstanding his gel-ed up hair, which generally adds to the vertical appearance of a Jersey specimen, he still was definitely not the advertised height.
Once I approached him, he gave me a quick hug and kiss on the cheek greeting. Turn off. I’m a huge advocate of personal space, which means that I don’t like complete strangers encroaching upon mine. I usually warn specimens prior to meeting them that they should not touch me right away, but I had forgotten to do so. My distress was alleviated by a delicious chocolate martini.
Conversation went well with him. But, he struck me as a goody-two-shoes. I expressed my perception to him and I explained that while woman may find the “nice guy” desirable in terms of making a good husband and father, the “bad boy” has an almost irresistible sex appeal. He told me he was far from an altar boy. I wasn’t quite convinced.
The following day, he drunk texted me. (I welcome drunk texts/calls because I find them amusing.) Because it was after 2 a.m. on a Friday night, naturally, I was inebriated as well. I told him to come rescue me from my location. He said he couldn’t due to his drunkenness and I dropped my standard “thanks for the trash” line.
The End
HIS PROFILE:
Please see end note if you’d like to send me a message…
What I most enjoy in life is taking pictures of my shirtless muscular body in the mirror and misspelling the words in my profile :-)
Greetings ladies, and cougars Grrrrr :-) You’re welcome in, but trannys, grannys, prostitutes, and gold diggers, stay away. College girls are free. If you happen to have those two dimples above your butt, move to the front of the line. Ok, maybe you can come in granny, but only if you’re a GILF. There will be a test on the difference between “your” and “you’re” to gain entry, unless you’re a model – then you don’t even have to be literate. International passports are welcomed.
On a slightly more serious note, let’s see if I can win the award for longest profile….
I’d consider myself a motivated, nice, decent guy. I’m generally an “open book”. I consider confidence in myself and my abilities to be one of my strong points. I am totally new to online meeting sites like this, and I still have some reservations about what to expect. I enjoy adventure, don’t sweat the small stuff, and enjoy having fun. I work a lot but enjoy having a good time and going out, or staying in and enjoying a movie or some time with friends. I do enjoy kicking back a few drinks. I listen to indie, club, and rock music and enjoy seeing a live band when I get the chance. I’m open to new experiences, and I really thrive on good conversation.
As for how I look, I’m 180 lbs, 5’10.5″ with a slightly stocky build. I’m strong, with a working man’s hands, but I clean up nice. I generally have pretty short hair, a little gel, and a trendy look. I don’t have great abs but I do have strong arms. I’m handsome, maybe an 8.5 out of 10 (I guess). If you’re taller than me with heels on, I find it sexy. I am not the type of guy who you feel awkward with. I’m a manly sort of guy who enjoys making a lady feel special, desired, sexy, delicate, appreciated. I’m a guy with presence. I like it when a girl is proud to hold my hand in front of everyone, and you can be.
Although it may sound a bit pretentious, I would say that I am an intellectual. I own a business and also teach HS, which requires a lot of my time, but I try to maintain balance in my life. I am very close with my family, and I appreciate my friends as well. Honesty and integrity are things that I take seriously for myself and others. I have many goals for the future and they include building a home and raising a family, as well as having a successful business to travel and enjoy the finer things in life. I can be romantic. I am not the clingy or jealous type, and I enjoy the company of a woman who has some of her own interests as well. I’m attracted to slender girls, who know how to be sexy without trying too hard. I’ve traveled a fair amount, and I’ve dated European women in the past, so I don’t mind exploring something new. Some brains and a good sense of humor are a must, because I joke a lot. I don’t appreciate superficial types. I’ve had fulfilling relationships in the past, and I have no trouble meeting women, but figured I’d look at all options to improve the quality of dating in my life.
As for logistics, I’m in Union County – If you’re in NY, I’m about 25-30 minutes from the city and I get in when I can, but generally not every week. I know the neighborhoods and a few good spots, but I can’t always name the latest new little underground lounge spot. If you do, great, I’m always up for it, and don’t worry, I won’t show up in sneakers.
I lied, I’m not Catholic. I go to a Presbyterian church on occasion, was baptized Methodist, and attended Lutheran Sunday school. I’m not really into church, but I do have faith, and I’ve read most of the bible. Why lie?… I thought they should just have a category for “Christian”.
Strong points: see above…confidence, motivation, adventurous, goal oriented, stable, fun loving, smart, financially savvy, humorous, christian values, well traveled,
Weak points: sometimes I “put my foot in my mouth” /speaking without thinking first. I’m not the best conversationalist over phone, sms, or online chat. I prefer to make plans to get together in person. I find that my humor is often completely lost using technology and I try to keep conversation over wiring brief. I have been known to talk too much (and write too much). I’m not always the best at reading emotions. I’m very picky in terms of attraction. I’m a reformed smoker with a tendency to slip (in past relationships, either we both tend to smoke or she doesn’t tolerate it and I thank her for it). I enjoy sarcastic humor and no topic or person is exempt :-) I am too technical. I drive way too fast. I fall hard. I work too hard. I dream too much.
I’m not really into watching sports on TV. I don’t watch football, baseball, basketball, etc. I do watch some international competition, and I like to play volleyball and kick around a soccer ball. I also enjoy ripping up a downhill on a mtn. bike, or skis and I have jumped out of planes, but never with another dude strapped to me. I do inline skate often(rollerblade), but no I don’t do spandex.
So, I’ve gone on bragging about myself and tried to give a few caveats as well, but if you think we might be a good fit, then don’t be shy about saying hello. If my current dating situation has changed, or if I’m not interested, I will extend the courtesy of a “no thank you”. I would ask the same.
note: if you’d like to send me a message, please don’t feel shy about it – what’s there to lose? Please don’t be intimidated if you don’t consider yourself a genius, but please don’t be a few IQ points short of a plant. Please also realize that we cannot change what we like and I am attracted to slender girls. That doesn’t mean petite, as I like both tall and shorter women, it’s just that I don’t find myself attracted to thicker thighs, big butts, etc. Some guys like large breasts, others like a badonkadonk (sp?), I like a sexy midriff with a belly button piercing. Sorry if this makes me sound like a jerk, but I’m hereby relieving myself from that guilty feeling I get when politely declining correspondence with someone I know there is no opportunity with. As for a date, if you’re looking to share your latest STD, thanks for the offer, but I’m not your guy. Oh, and at least try to spel da wirds in yur masage correktli. Thanks for reading my rant – if you don’t think I’m a****by now, say hello :-)
Oh, and my list of check box exceptions: Must smoke, must do drugs (ideally intravenously), must have messaged other users looking for interspecies sexual encounters, must be married, widowed, and divorced. I’m kidding of course, but please be fun :-) We’ve all done stupid sh*t, own up, and have a few good stories about when you weren’t a responsible adult.
Rollerblading???? Cmon.
If he rollerblades, he might as well wear spandex. What’s the real difference?