Princess MoMo

Specimen:

your profile was a delight to skim through. 

I wish you an incredible amount of luck in finding a man patient enough to deal with such a pessimistic person as yourself. The pretentiousness of this was seriously tragic yet beautiful. I hope i'm never as mean spirited as you possibly are to people in your life, seeing as grammatical errors frighten/frigten and anger/angur you so, i can only imagine your reaction to say, a loved one making a mistake in basic arithmetic! By your shallow/self serving criteria, i suppose i passed. I'm a high school graduate and a community college graduate with an associates degree in computer technology, with a minor in computer forensics. I own my own home and two automobiles, one (a Nissan Maxima, '06) for driving to work, and one (a 95 Honda Odyssey van) for nice long trips with my band who i partake in "gigs" from time to time. I'm 27 years old, though my profile put me as 24 for whatever reason. Yo hablo Espanol, je parle' Francais, and i speak English with the dignity and respect each of those languages deserve. I write to you for a reason though, in case you are still reading! (not likely, shallow people respond very negatively towards any criticism, tend to ignore it to lessen the bruising of their fragile ego) I write to you to tell you that i'm rooting for you. I truly hope that you find whatever it is you looking for. This is either a really pointless prank you put on men to subdue your anger towards them, or you are serious about this, and that makes this even more sad to read. by the by, your website is trite and incredibly boring, why showcase even more vapidness there when you've done so well here! The only part i agree with is that you are in a way awesome, being you are very ambitious, intelligent and beautiful. Be that as it may, i could never find myself interested in anyone like you, who gloats of her regal stature, while exhibiting the mannerisms of a mean spirited, pessimistic soul in search of self worth. But my dear, i do wish you luck!

Cliff note: i apologize for not putting this love letter in paragraphs for you. Please don't think any less of my grammatical skills, as i just don't feel like looking back and correcting. Bye Legal lady!
-Miguel "Reyno" Torres

MoMo's Response:

 What a waste of your time, not to mention mine.

Analysis: Why would someone spend this kind of time writing a message about how much he thinks a stranger on the interwebs sucks? When I get messages like this, I wonder if they'll be followed up with an invoice for the psycho-therapeutic analysis. The adage, "You get what you pay for" applies perfectly here. I'm paying nothing and that's exactly what I'm getting. Except actually, I might be getting worse than nothing.

Back to the specifics on this clown: In addition to my inability to comprehend the motive behind putting in time writing this trash-talking message, I am also unable to rationalize his reasons for listing his credentials and material possessions, including two breath-taking motor vehicles: a Nissan Maxima '06 and the '95 Honda Odyssey van for trips with his band. And let's not forget his language skills…hopefully the UN is reading this blog post because he's clearly an ideal candidate. He's rooting for me though, so I guess I can go to bed without crying myself to sleep tonight. Thanks for the trash Jose, or whatever your name is.