Online Dating Fails: Lewdser

Posted by Princess MoMo on Aug 10 in Epic fails, Men, Online dating

Call me an idealistic prude, but I simply cannot imagine the opening message/approach reprinted below being met with success.

Specimen: i will suck your titties. lets hook up this weekend?

Princess MoMo: You will do no such thing.

Specimen: are you sure baby? i know your smooth titties are craving for some fun.

Princess MoMo: I have never been more certain of anything in my life.

Specimen: lets hangout baby. then u can decide.

Princess MoMo: Perhaps I'm not being clear. I am in no way, shape or form interested in meeting you. Let's say I were to be badly maimed before this weekend arrives. Let's further assume that you were the only penised human being willing to bestow attention upon me at that point (though you're probably a superficial being – and I don't fault you for that). I still wouldn't want to hang out with you.

In the event that this isn't convincing enough, let me detail the reasons why I am not inclined to meet you.

1. Your opening message lacked any sort of tact.

2. Your intelligence level (based upon your messages and your profile) leaves a lot to be desired.

3. Physically, you're not particularly attractive.

4. This is just a hunch, but you don't come off as particularly ambitious.

5. You remind me of the annoying guys on the street who "holler" at me and make odd kissy noises when I walk by. They are scum.

In closing, you may want to reconsider your approach on these sites. I would also suggest having a vasectomy.

comments: 5 »

5 Responses to “Online Dating Fails: Lewdser”

  1. WTF?!?! If that isn’t the most insulting, disrespectful, desperate trash I’ve heard come from a complete stranger, then I don’t know what is. Your reply to it made me laugh though.

  2. Karthik Raju says:

    Seems like an internal monologue would have proven useful here as well.

  3. Oh, there’s more. I thought he would stop after my second message. No such luck.

  4. By far, the vasectomy reference was the funniest thing I have heard in a long time. Especially considering he won’t have the slightest clue as to what you actually mean by saying that!! Lmfao!! I’m still laughing!!!