Princess MoMo

Saltyballs Specimen:

Lol

You are ridiculous! We are going to get arrested!!!

We have to be friends… I am crazy.

What are your thoughts?

-me

Princess MoMo:

Why do you think I'm ridiculous?

Saltyballs Specimen:

Haha! Your profile just tells me how crazy u are!! Ur sarcasm! My sarcasm gets me in trouble… Can u text?

My empire is called saltyballs, Inc. I'm not joking. That's my Facebook URL. Haha. Ur so crazy. I enjoyed your profile…

Princess MoMo:

Saltyballs-

I'm not into having text conversations. It gets annoying and kills my device battery.

Saltyballs Specimen:

Your phone must still have a wire that needs to be plugged in. Stuck in the 1990s. We will upgrade you princess!

Lets chat ? What's Ur number

917REDACTED, buzz me.

Princess MoMo:

Let's talk tomorrow.

 I ended up talking to Saltyballs on the phone.  To my surprise, he seemed crazier and more high energy than I am.  However, there was a distinctive homosexuality to his voice quality.  I told him that my gaydar was sounding off.  He took it as a compliment, stating the stellar fashion sense and good looks of males who like males in a more than platonic way.  On Thursday, he called me in an effort to schedule a Friday night rendezvous.  I told him of my policy of not going out on first dates on Friday or Saturday nights.  (I staunchly adhered to this policy for years, but recently I became a little lax on it.  After forsaking a few of these critical days for specimens that weren't around less than week later, I've vowed to reinstate, in full force and effect, the no first dates on Fridays or Saturdays rule.)  Saltyballs was not pleased with this policy.  He said that I should make an exception for him because we "really connect."  I asked him how he was able to determine that we connected after only one phone conversation.  He said he just knew.  Irrespective of any actual or perceived connection, I was not willing to sacrifice a Friday.  He texted me in a final attempt to convince me to break my own rules.  But alas, if I don't follow my rules, who will?