Princess MoMo

I recruited a brother from the same mother to accompany me on a trip to Party City.  My objective was to acquire some props and décor for an upcoming Princess MoMo-hosted social gathering.  I grabbed the keys to my motor vehicle, but my brother decided that he would drive.  I danced my way to his car.  Upon placing my ass in the passenger seat, I asked him if his seats were equipped with heating capabilities.  To my dismay and the dismay of my ass, the answer was no.  He proceeded to the highway.

Suddenly, I observed the most frightening of  living creatures descending from the rear view mirror.  My natural reaction was to continuously scream like a demonically possessed banshee birthing a set of quadruplet baby banshees without epidural analgesia.  

 My arguably irrational response to the eight-legged motherbugger crawling down my way almost caused my brother to swerve his car off of the road.  Once he realized why I was on the verge of cardiac arrest, he began hysterically laughing at my ongoing screeching.  I beseeched him to pull over the car and get this itsy bitsy spider out of there.  I perched my body up against the passenger-side door in an effort to distance myself from the sinister arachnid.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he pulled over into a deserted gas station.  Before he could bring the vehicle to a complete stop, I opened the door and jumped out without unfastening the seat belt.  I then had to reach in and click the button from a distance before I ran to the opposite end of the gas station.  All the while, my brother was still laughing at me!!  Unfortunately, the terroristic insect pulled a bin Laden and was no where to be found.  As you might expect, I do not negotiate with spiders.   I  instructed my brother to declare jihad against bin Spider and that I would not get into the car until it was seized or killed.  But, evidently, the mephistolphelian critter successfully managed to take refuge in some clandestine cave-like crevice within the car and we could not capture it.  I uneasily got back into the vehicle knowing that it was waiting out for me.  I sat on the edge of the unheated seat knowing that at any moment, the diabolical vermin could stage another attack on us.