Princess MoMo

Bob: i always thought you were the slapper

not the slappee

me: even the best of us need to be slapped back to our senses sometimes

2:45 PM Bob: an almost humble statement from Princess MoMo

i’m in shock

2:47 PM me: one shock after another for you over there

2:48 PM Bob: its a good thing i’m young

otherwise i’d have had a heart attack by now

me: i have that effect on people

sending them into cardiac arrest

2:49 PM Bob: yeah, but for different reasons

2:50 PM me: such as

Bob: one of two things

2:51 PM either a) damn that’s a good lookin broad

or b) damn this is some serious verbal abuse

me: i prefer b

2:52 PM Bob: i prefer none of the above

i mean you’ve never really gone off on me and yelled at me

but the lil tid bits i have dealt with are more than enough for me

2:53 PM me: i’m just not for the faint at heart

Bob: or those who enjoy peace and quiet

2:54 PM though like i said

i feel i get away with a lot more than some people

2:56 PM me: do you think you’ll be invited to my wedding?

2:57 PM Bob: nah

it would imply you calming down enough to settle down and not get bored

so you can’t be invited to an event that can’t occur

2:58 PM but assuming the day does arrive that said event occurs, i’d say we’re friends, but not that good of friends

3:12 PM me: calming me down?

3:13 PM Bob: yup

me: you don’t think i’m calm?

3:14 PM Bob: calm may not have been the best word

but you know what i mean

you get bored of things quickly

3:15 PM me: well if i found a perfect guy, that wouldn’t happen

it’s just a matter of finding him

Bob: good luck sweetheart

cuz the same thing goes for guys looking for chicks

3:16 PM me: i think my bff and i are good catches

Bob: yeah

i agree

me: but we attract flies as if we’re piles of shit

Bob: but finding a guy who meets your specs is the issues

3:18 PM that’s cuz you want a guy who’s pretty and smart

not gonna happen

me: why not

we’re pretty and smart

and fun

Bob: yeah

but pretty guys are gay

or idiots

just a fact

3:19 PM me: fine

then i’ll just go eat cereal

Bob: ?

bon appetit

me: i’m literally going to go eat cereal

Bob: nice work

3:21 PM me: it’s too hot to eat hot food

Bob: make pasta

toss it in the fridge

then you’re done

me: i want to eat it now

there’s already pasta in the fridge

3:22 PM Bob: then problem solved

me: no i’m eating cereal

so

i need hobbies

can you think of any

Bob: tons

3:23 PM but are they ones you would enjoy, not so sure about

3:24 PM me: well it can’t be out doors

i don’t like that sort of activity

nature related things are out

Bob: k

me: ok so suggest please

3:26 PM Bob: ok

how do you feel about tools and stuff?

and building things

3:27 PM me: wtf?

be serious here

Bob: i was

me: do i give off maintenance man vibes?

3:28 PM Bob: just saying

it’s fun

what about getting into art

it’s theraputeic

therapeutic

3:29 PM me: yea i can do crafting

Bob: so start painting

3:30 PM me: you want me to paint you a portrait

Bob: doesn’t have to be

i already have a big portrait up on the wall in my living room

but you can do landscapes

still life

abstract

or volunteer

i’m actually signing up to coach kids football

and i’ll do bball this winter

3:31 PM me: what can i volunteer to do?

i don’t want to clean anything

Bob: yeah

but im not cleaning anything

3:32 PM i’m coaching kids

how to block

how to work out and run drills

me: i know

Bob: tackle people

me: so what can i do

Bob: what’d you do in high school?

me: i’m just saying i don’t want anything that involves cleaning

i played field hockey

Bob: besides school and partying?

me: and track

Bob: so coach field hockey

me: i didn’t party in hs

Bob: really?

me: i don’t want to coach

3:33 PM can’t i do something to fix the brains of kids

Bob: nope

me: i can’t tutor?

Bob: you could

as a volunteer

me: why as a volunteer

Bob: go talk to the local elementary school or middle school

you want to work and do it that way instead?

3:34 PM me: well if i’m spending my time doing something, i might as well make money right?

Bob: ideally

3:35 PM me: i mean how hard is any level math from 1st grade – hs

shit’s all easy

3:36 PM Bob: fact

3:37 PM me: same thing with all of the other subjects

i don’t know why they made school so easy

Bob: i’m not arguing the fact

me: and i don’t know how anyone fails that shit

3:38 PM Bob: don’t ask me

but mostly they get tied up with outside shit

3:39 PM me: no

i think they’re actually stupid

at least some of them

they never even learn how to use english very well

let alone numbers

Bob: eh

some people just pick things up differently than others

3:40 PM and it’s hard to do that in a public classroom setting

especially with an idiot teaching them