Why Do Men Lie?

Posted by Princess MoMo on Jan 14 in Dating Advice, MoMo's Musings

Why do men lie?
I’ve been on this earth as a human being (as opposed to fetus, embryo, or whatever other physical form) for 10,327 days. For at least half of those days, if not more, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the opposite sex. (It seems like recently they love me and I hate them.) One of the things that has most irked me is men’s propensity to lie. I’m a fairly blunt person. I tend to serve the truth in its raw form sans sugarcoating. That tendency renders me even less able to understand how or why people lie with such ease over matters that do not warrant withholding or skewing the truth.
At the root of what peeves me about being lied to is not so much the subject matter of the lie, but rather the lack of regard that motivates the lies. When a man lies to me, I feel as though he is insulting my intelligence, my intuitions, and last, but not least, my detective/interrogation skills.
In terms of intelligence, lying communicates that the liar thinks he can outsmart the lie recipient into accepting a false reality. Or, for those of you who believe in more subjective forms of reality (i.e., reality is a matter of perception), the liar is deliberately manipulating the lie recipient’s perception.  The liar is trying to prohibit the lie recipient from forming a factually based reality.
As far as intuitions are concerned, a woman’s are a strong force. Very rarely have mine led me astray. They are astonishingly accurate. When a man lies, he is in essence turning me on myself. I start to question my gut feelings and intuitions and attempt to write them off rather than turn on him and his bullshit. This sets the stage for insecurity.
Finally, with respect to interrogation/detective skills, I can’t understand why men that are in their mid-twenties and older haven’t realized that a woman scorned has sharper interrogation/detective skills than Sherlock Holmes, The Mystery Gang, the FBI, and Hanns Scharff combined. You thought waterboarding was bad? That’s nothing compared to methods of a woman who suspects she is being lied to.
Though being a lie recipient may fill me with rage, the bottom line is that it is not worth expending energy understanding the motives or reasons of the liar. I have often times wondered and even asked them directly, why they lied. None of the various answers has satisfied me. And, the real answer (the one so rarely, if ever, given) is usually obviously one or both of the following: i.) They’re too cowardly to state the truth; or ii.) they don’t want to give any basis with which you can possibly tell them to fuck off because they want you around even if they don’t have the balls to be honest with you.
So, I’m turning over a new leaf. In response to my curiosity as to why guys lie, I’m going to respond to myself with, “Who cares?” There’s no reason to spend any time during my 10,328th day or beyond attempting to ascertain why someone doesn’t have enough respect to be honest with me.
It’s time to stop digging deeper for answers we already have. Trust your gut. Too many women rationalize a guy’s behavior because they don’t want to believe the truth.  Stay true to yourself and don’t ignore your internal sensors.  Once you know someone has lied to you and you’ve confronted him about it, there are only two options:
1. Cut ties if you are unwilling to accept the lying. I prefer this option because if the liar knows you know he has lied and you stick around, you’ve just provided positive reinforcement for future lies. He knows you’ll stick around for more reality distortion.  Once you start believing his lies, it’s too late.
2. Remain in your current situation if you are willing to tolerate it. Accept that he will continue to lie because the leopard does not change his spots, but unlike leopard spots, lying isn’t pretty and fun. A variation of this option that I’ve found tempting in the past is to continue on with the liar and engage in the same deceitful behavior; however, why go against your own nature and remain in a toxic situation?
Unfortunately, there are no refunds on time. Rather than asking a shark why it insists on eating at our bloody flesh, we should get the fuck out of the shark-infested water as quickly as possible once we realize that we’re bleeding. Do not turn back and explain to the shark why you’re exiting the water either. That’s a post for another time. THE END.


comments: 10 »

10 Responses to “Why Do Men Lie?”

  1. Titanium Ak says:

    I have never lied in my life

  2. Titanium Ak – I kind of believe you. You’re not the people pleasing type.

  3. (Most) men lie because they have a physical need for variety, while also believing you are too stupid and/or insecure to actually confront them. If you do confront them, they simply deny. Because women are almost bred to have low self-confidence and/or be subservient to men, they are usually at least moderately successful in convincing the woman that either she is partially to blame, or that he is not guilty at all.

  4. Nicole Drique – They do not have a physical “need” for variety; they may have a psychological desire for it, though.

    I totally agree with the rest of your comment. And, if no one is holding them accountable, why should they change?

  5. Psychological/ Physical need… I actually kind of think it’s both. But, either way, porn should suffice. Imho, accountability should be on both sides. More discussion needs to happen at the start of relationships, as to what’s permissible and what is out of bounds. It’s not “changing” a guy, as much as both people being on the same page, and seeing each other as equals in a broader sense.

  6. Agreed about the upfront discussions, but no one likes discussing things nowadays apparently and if they do, things are subject to unilaterally change without further discussion.

  7. Thrown Away says:

    A lie is a seed. Every mind is fertile ground for a lie to grow. When the lie grows it quickly spreads like a weed with the potential to destroy the fragile garden of the mind. These weeds will hide the problem areas of your garden which require attention, but go unnoticed. These weeds will also distract you from all the beauty in the garden. As a result, you eventually begin to neglect the good areas of the garden until they also become problem areas.

  8. Thrown Away says:

    You can turn the garden in your mind into your own personal paradise, or you can allow it to become the devil’s personal playground where liers will forever toy with your emotions and self esteme. Don’t allown ANYONE to trample or litter your garden. Be mindful of who you allow into your garden, and pay close attention to how they treat it.

  9. Thrown Away says:

    Turning back to tell the shark why you’re leaving is like asking the shark for a better line of bullshit that will convince you it’s okay to let shark eat away at your self esteem