Specimen: Hey there…I’m Steve. You are, by far, the most gorgeous woman on this website and I would like to talk with you and maybe get together sometime?? Princess MoMo: You wrote to me less than two weeks ago. Have you forgotten or are you trying to trick me? Specimen: Trying to get you to […]
Date Dissection 8/20/11
In April of this year, this particular specimen messaged me on a dating website. Shortly thereafter, we spoke on the phone. We made plans two weeks in advance to meet for dinner on April 29. Communication was extremely light during those two weeks. Frankly, I just wasn’t into this guy because of the […]
Online Dating Fails: Stalking Straight from Atlanta
The dating site that I’ve renamed stalkerdate.com continues to live up to its newly coined URL. (Prior stalkerdate.com predators: HippyMike, David the Lion Beast, The Young and the Relentless, and The Third Time is not the Charm.) The users of stalkerdate.com have demonstrated that distance is no object when you’re stalking online. Today’s addition comes […]
Zebra Print Gear
It’s no secret. I love zebra print. For example, the MoMo-mobile is decked out in zebra print, including front seat covers, furry dice, front and back floor mats, a zebra beenie baby and a zebra umbrella. Similarly, my office walls are adorned with two zebra print pieces of art and a baby leopard tapestry. Luckily, […]
Online Dating Fails: The Way You Make Me Feel
Specimen: If I had to sum you up in one song when I saw you, it would be Michael Jackson’s – “The Way You Make Me Feel” Princess MoMo: How’s the line worked on other women so far? Specimen: idk, I only sent that message too you! Princess MoMo: Ok. Elaborate as to why I remind you of that song. […]
Online Dating Fails: Cold as Ice…
Specimen’s opening message: Your cold Princess MoMo: You’re* Specimen: LOL WOW You actually wrote back to correct me. Goodluck fishing, hope you dont get too many bottom dwellers
Shoprite Rant
Seriously, I might start packin’ heat when I go to Shoprite. First, that place is ALWAYS overcrowded regardless of the time of day. Second, somehow I always end up behind the jerkoff who needs a price check which takes 2340534 minutes, but I can’t easily go to another line because I’ve already placed my items […]
Dating Advice: Girl Behind the Desk vs. Mall Girl
Guy: Are you available for some dating advice? P-Mo: Yes, what’s up? Guy: I have no problem approaching and talking to a member of the opposite sex when out at bars or concerts. My problem is girl beh P-Mo: Please define “beh.” Guy: Sorry. The girl behind the desk at the dentist office or the […]
Factory Inspection
Once a year, Princess MoMo has her factory inspected. MoMo looks forward to this appointment even less than her semi-annual oral kingdom cleaning visits. This year, MoMo switched factory inspectors because her former one is located too far from her residence and place of employment. Like most other inspections, factory checks are stressful. In anticipation of having the […]
Online Dating Fails: Shakespeare had a dream…
Shakespeare Specimen: Subject line: Dreamed about you… Opening Message: Dreamed about you for so long Didn’t want to wake up this early… Nothing is the same since you’ve gone I should have been over you already… All I do is think about you all day But I know that you forgot about me… And all […]
Online Dating Fails: Lucky
Specimen’s opening message: Ooooh, Arabic…it would be so taboo dating u Specimen: Ohhh, Christianity :(… Princess MoMo: Luckily, you don’t have to worry about dating me. Specimen: yep, luckily ;) Analysis: This clown incorrectly presupposed that he was in some way desirable to me. Moreover, based on a review of his profile and photographs, his arrogance is unfounded. […]
Fiesta at Shoprite
For some reason, it seems like we’re always in need of milk at the house. So, I stopped by Shoprite to pick up some. To my surprise, the parking lot was packed. I thought to myself, “WTF is this bullshit? It’s Thursday night in Bumblefuck, NJ…why is everyone at Shoprite?” Then I remembered that there’s […]
Lions and Lions and Apes….Oh My!
On August 14, 2011, a call from a specimen came through on my device. I met this specimen through my online dating escapades last year. Our first date was on Sunday, June 20, 2010. We met for dinner. Conversation wasn’t particularly riveting, but I attributed that to us being exhausted from the weekend shenanigans . […]
The Breakup
We had been together six long years. The union began in 2006 when I was just a college girl. I was young and unassuming then, blinded by material things and the prospect of having a Sidekick. I wasn’t quite ready to break things off with the previous one though. For some time, I […]