On Saturday night, Princess MoMo discovered that her group of friends was no longer present in the bar. But more disturbing, one of said friends had absconded with her device! MoMo was alarmed. She did a scan of the bar for a specimen worthy to help her track down her missing apparatus. She approached her target and explained her dilemma. She then informed the specimen that he would have to accompany her on a leisurely walk to her friend’s house in an effort to locate her beloved device. At first, he resisted, but like many of her victims, he quickly realized that resistance was futile. As they neared her friend’s homebase, MoMo spotted the individual who was tasked with the safekeeping of her device. Princess MoMo was happily reunited with her mobile equipment. After the recovery process, MoMo spoke of her lovely blog to the assistant detective specimen.
On Monday, she received an email from Mr. Detective. It stated the following (note: I changed the name of the company to protect the identity of the Detective and the place of his employment, as well as his mobile address):
An intruder accosted YankeeDeath’s 12th floor office refrigerator this morning. Office sources say the attack was highly coordinated, well-planned, and carried out over the span of several weeks. A plastic bowl containing the accoutrements of a poor man’s salad (cauliflower and carrots, no evidence of a dressing) were left to succumb to a bacteria-aided, slow and painful death, causing a stench so foul that it elicited the immediate response of the senior administrative assistant which can be read below.
I believe it is the growth of sloth and ignorance that becomes the undoing of any society. It is clear the perpetrator of this crime is ignorant to the fact that despite its distinct fractal dimension, the aborted inflorescence meristem buds of northeastern Mediterranean cauliflower have a shelf life of less than 21 days in a refrigerated unit. Perhaps in ten years, this assailant will be tracked down and brought to justice.
Grand Central Station, which connects directly to the scene of the crime, is swarming with armed guards and additional police forces. Very little work has been accomplished on the 12th floor today. Most employees have engaged in spirited discussions over bin Laden’s death. Some have argued that we should have brought him in alive or that it only will spur his followers into acts of retaliation. I could rant on that topic for several days but I’ll try to instead be more productive. We have a gloating killer in our midst, targeting the species Brassica oleracea, who must be tracked down.
News bulletins aside, I thought it would be useful to exchange mobile device addresses. The digital address assigned to my device is Fifty-Five, Fifty-Five, sixty-nine, twenty…six hundred and five. Hope your day was entertaining as well.
Begin forwarded message of official communication disclosed to 12th floor list-serv:
From: ####@yankeedeath.com
To: undisclosed_recipients;
Subject: Refrigerator in Large Pantry
It is everyone’s job to check whatever food you may have in the refrigerator. Whoever belongs to the red plastic bag in the refrigerator, there has been an odor in the fridge for the last week and this morning I investigated and threw out your rotted head of cauliflower and carrots.
If you use the refrigerator, at the end of each week, please check if you have anything left in there and if it is outdated, please toss it. Your co-workers will thank you for this and so will I. It is not my job to clean out the refrigerator.
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Princess MoMo’s Response: My favorite part is that in the original email, the senior administrative assistant states that s/he had to “investigate.” RSI: New York. (Refrigerator Scene Investigation).
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