I’m out of titles for the Mr. Lambo series. As usual, the pink Editor’s Notes provide my commentary. —————————————————————————————————————————————— Recently Princess and I have not been spending much time together. We live different lifestyles which sometimes makes it difficult for our schedules to match. I prefer to wake up at an early hour and […]
Online Dating Fails: MoMo’s Claws Come Out
Thirty-nine out of 40 times, I will respond to the online dating HATERs in the manners I prescribed in my post devoted to the topic of these HATERs. The other one out of 40 times, I will foolishly heed to my guilty pleasure of ripping into these douchers. Doucher: U should realy get over […]
Mr. Lambo Update (MoMo’s Version)
On Jan. 6, 2012, I texted Mr. Lambo asking if he was opposed to us dating other people. He was taken aback. What prompted my inquiry was that I had conversed (once) with a potentially new specimen, Mr. Detective. A few days later, Mr. Detective texted, suggesting that we go shooting. Intrigued by the idea […]
Why I’m Single: Exhibit 204823048023
shycalm88 1/25/2012 7:19:23 PM 9-5 free after or before…lol if your awake… looking for friends someone fun,silly and whos cool. The following images were attached to this message.
Most Eligible Bachelor
You know, maybe I am too picky. With all of these wonderfully qualified, eligible bachelors that contact me on the interwebs, there is no other plausible explanation for the fact that I’m single. Oh wait, yes there is. The bachelors aren’t actually wonderfully qualified; they’re ridiculous (not in a good way). Today’s most eligible bachelor […]
Mr. Lambo Update by Mr. Lambo
Below, courtesy of Mr. Lambo, is a brief summary of the past couple of weeks. The pink “Editor’s Notes” are my comments. ——————————————————————————————————————————————- The past 5 weeks have been interesting. Despite our obvious differences, we continue to spend time together and seemingly grow closer. We’ve had our ups and downs just like everyone else, but […]
To Catch a Predator + Survey
Back in the day, online dating was taboo. Now that it is mainstream, it is not uncommon to encounter profiles of people I know. On Monday night, a guy with whom I went to middle and high school messaged me. The picture he had up on the site was of a sunset, but his location […]
NEW! Online Dating Profile
Inspired by the creation of a new online dating profile on PlentyofShit, I wrote a new profile narrative. My old one isn’t too shabby, but let’s see what kind of response the new ones garners. Once upon a time, in a strange far far away land known as New Jersey, there lived a maiden by […]
Online Dating Fails: PlentyofShit – Four Hours in the Inbox
The popular online dating website, PlentyofFish, or as I like to call it, PlentyofShit (“POS”), abruptly canceled my profile. My guess is that my “suspicious” activity yesterday of opening every one of the multitude of messages in my POS inbox for purposes of extracting blog fodder tipped them off. I wrote to them inquiring as to what they […]
Online Dating: Smile
Specimen: hey how are you? i really like your smile alot :) do you have aol or yahoo so we can talk?? Analysis: Please note, “a lot” is two words, not one. Next, why would the fact that he likes my smile compel me to chat with him? I analogize this message to the expression, “Nice […]
Online Dating Fails: Ethnic Smile
Specimen: Hello there! I hope all is well! You have a nice smile. What is your ethnicity? Analysis: I’ve been getting a lot of compliments on my smile lately. I thought it was limited to online crap, but I was out this weekend and some guy stopped me to tell me how dazzled he was […]
Online Dating Fails: Another Marriage Proposal
Specimen: hey wats up.. you have a beautiful smile. can i marry u ? i already bought your ring and wedding dress! Analysis: But, he doesn’t know my dress or ring size! In all seriousness, this message isn’t clever or appealing. It’s not even original. Here are examples of others who have suggested marriage in […]
Date Dissection 12/30/11 – Mr. Lamborghini (Third Date – Mr. Lambo’s Version Part II)
Click here for Part I of Mr. Lambo’s rendition of the facts of the third date. After leaving Olive Garden we headed further into my hood (aka PA). Our next stop, a popular local bar in Bethlehem. The entire ride to Bethlehem I was still thinking about our kiss. Not that it was a big deal, […]
Online Dating Fails: Graffiti Nation
Now, I usually don’t post pictures of the specimens who message me, but as the saying goes, “A picture is worth a thousand words.” I’m not in the mood to write that many words, so here are 2000 words worth of pictures, plus a few words. Tysofly: HEY HOW U DOIN Analysis: Regardless of his […]
Online Dating Fails: Bullshit Grammar, Great Legs
Sometime ago, I broke down the online dating haters into four categories. Can you identify which category this one falls into? (Click here for the “HATERs” post.) Hater: You are nuts what maters is you are able to make a connection on a computer and talking and meeting not the grammer bullsh*tyou have great legs […]