Princess MoMo

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part I
Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part II
Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part III
Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part IV
Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part V
Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part VI

Brief Recap of Parts I-VI:
I met a couple on a cruise in 2010. In 2012, I received an invitation to their wedding. Things were coming to an end with Mr. Lambo. (I owe you a story on him, too.) I needed last minute date to the wedding on Feb. 19, 2012. I asked Brandon Singer, largely for entertainment value (i.e., quality blog material). I hadn’t seen him in six and a half years, but the day we met, he asked me to be his date to a wedding a few days later. So what’s the difference between us? We can start at the penis. (Eminem lyrics.) Aside from the anatomical differences, I, unlike Brandon Singer, kept my promise whereas he bailed on me less than an hour and a half before the wedding. Thankfully, my friend Sheldon agreed to play wedding date substitute.

During the cocktail hour, I spotted a skinny jeans wearer. I thought, “What the fuck?” Little did I know that I would be spending the evening with Mr. Hipster in NYC. He ended up sitting next to me in the reception hall. For illogical reasons, I found myself engaged by this character. I agreed to go to NYC with him to watch his “gig.” Have I ever mentioned my distaste for guitars and gigs? Yeah, I’m pretty sure I have, but lest there remain any doubt: guitars and gigs = turn offs. Yet, there I was being escorted by a guitar man in a bird-shit-covered rapist van to a gig. You see kids, this is why drinking is bad. (Truth be told, I was 100% sober when I agreed to this adventure. But, before leaving, I made sure my patience was swimming in a pool of red wine.)

In Part VI, I pretty much finished my rendition of the facts. Part VII was intended to be Mr. Hipster’s version, but, like Brandon Singer, he reneged on a promise to me. Despite urging on my part, I still have not received Mr. Hipster’s post. So, instead, I present you with the negotiation process:

March 8
Princess MoMo: If you have time and any recollection of our encounter, please write up your perspective of the interaction. Thanks.

March 9
Mr. Hipster: Awh, you miss me

Princess MoMo: False, but I would appreciate an entry from you if you wouldn’t mind.

Mr. Hipster: Be nice

March 10
Mr. Hipster: MoMo, look — you throw up barricade in front of your emotions, which are so clearly vibrant — at least blatantly apparent to me — most morons that you date don’t even have a clue why they are on this planet let alone figure out what you got going on — point being – admit that you miss me and I’ll write up the perspective

Princess MoMo: You’re bribing me?
Oops. I meant you want me to bribe you?

Mr. Hipster: Sweetheart, I just want you to be real to yourself and live a fulfilled existence

Princess MoMo: Honey, my existence coincided with yours for a few hours. All I ask of you is that you summarize those hours for entertainment purposes. Meanwhile, you want me to change my way of being. That doesn’t seem like an even exchange, now does it?

Mr. Hipster: Stop lying to yourself and me, admit that you want to see me again- someone that is an intellectual match for you- and I will admit something as well

Princess MoMo: What do you have to admit?

Mr. Hipster: There are conditions sweety, you have to confess first

Princess MoMo: Fine. I thought of you since we met.

Mr. Hipster: Oh so there is a warm heart somewhere deep in there… But there is so much more in there, just release it… It will feel good, I promise you

Princess MoMo: Confession?

Mr. Hipster: Yes, not the things you write for your blog fans… The truth

Princess MoMo: I meant what is your admission.
The truth is I would like like your version of the events.

Mr. Hipster: When you [CENSORED], it was amazing, I want to [CENSORED]

Princess MoMo: Let’s keep this pg-14 rated.

March 11
Mr. Hipster: This is not not my confession, this is just what I’m telling from me to you

Princess MoMo: Geez, if that’s not your admission, I’m afraid to know what is.

Mr. Hipster: when do I see you again, and we spend [CENSORED]?

Princess MoMo: Never. If you wanted to see me again, you would have reached out to me or asked for my number.

Mr. Hipster: awh, is someone hurt?

Princess MoMo: No.
If I wanted to talk or see you, I would have reached out myself.

Mr. Hipster: and you did!

Princess MoMo: Did I at all insinuate that I wanted to see you? I simply asked for a write up, which I asked for the day we met.

Mr. Hipster: why so much anger in your tone MoMo,
look

Princess MoMo: There is no anger whatsoever.

Mr. Hipster: you hated everything about me as a human being, I actually really liked your company and thought you were really clever in your mannerism
so me not reaching out is just going along with you saying that you despise artistic human beings

Princess MoMo: Seriously, I harbor no ill-will toward you. None. I don’t care that you didn’t contact me. I mentioned the fact that you didn’t contact me in response to you asking when we’re going to see one another again.

Mr. Hipster: i think you’re really cute, and although you tore everything about me apart, i still enjoyed being with you
i’ll write up the thing, give me a few days

Princess MoMo: Thank you
I look forward to reading it.

Mr. Hipster: and you don’t have to be a stranger my # is (646)REDACTED
use it wisely
and with a lot of precaution

March 23
Princess MoMo: Any progress with the write up?

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Your “likes” and comments are REQUIRED.  Failure to do so will result in years of disenchantment and may cause an increase in heart rate, palpitations, sweating, nausea, vomiting, difficulty breathing, pallor, dizziness, weakness, shakiness, headache, apprehension, nervousness, anxiety and, in rare cases, death.  Thanks.

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RELATED POSTS:

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part I

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part II

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part III

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part IV

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part V

Click here for I Hate Brandon Singer Part VI

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