Princess MoMo and a specimen for whom she has not yet coined a name had a date scheduled for Friday, April 29, 2011. Arrangements for this date were made roughly two weeks in advance. However, thanks to sloppy facebook practices on MoMo’s part, she not only canceled the date, but potentially offended the specimen.
On Thursday, April 28, 2011, Princess MoMo had the misfortune of sitting through a continuing education class. During the class, MoMo whined to one of her colleagues about lack of success in finding Prince MoMo. Her callous colleague mocked her and stated that she was not really looking for a suitor, but instead, going on “joke dates” for purposes of her “stupid fucking blog.”
Shortly after this conversation, she received a text from Mr. Didn’t Actualize Notwithstanding Interest Existing initiaLly (“DANIEL”). (View portions of the text exchange.) This was the first of at least 1,188 texts between MoMo and DANIEL from April 28 to May 22. MoMo was faced with a dilemma. Should she go out with nameless specimen with whom communication had been sporadic over the course of the preceding two weeks or with DANIEL who impressed her with his fancy wordsmithing? MoMo is a sucker for English mastery (which she eventually discovered DANIEL lacked because he sucks at adverbial phrases). So she opted to cancel the prearranged date in order to meet and confer with DANIEL. But, before canceling, MoMo decided to conduct an “instant survey” on facebook. Her “instant survey” status read something to the effect of, “Should I cancel a ‘joke date’ in favor of a real date but at the expense of a quality blog post?” MoMo, an expert facebook user, set the security settings on this individual post such that yet-to-be-named specimen could not see it. However, MoMo realized that there was a typo in her status. She hurriedly reposted sans typos. However, in her rush to correct the typo, she failed to appropriately reset the security settings on the status.
Upon arriving at her castle, MoMo texted yet-to-be-named specimen (“YTBNS”), “Can’t do tomorrow.” He responded, “No problem!!! I would of hated our ‘joke’ date to of interfered with your real date.” MoMo replied, “All of dating is a joke.” MoMo realized that surprisingly, her conscience was still in tact and she felt bad. YTBNS made matters worse by sending a picture text of a bobble-head zebra piggy bank with the message, “sorry you feel that all dating is a joke…i was even stupid enough to get you a gift. it was a glass zebra bobble head bank.” MoMo apologized profusely via text, facebook message and voice mail. YTBNS didn’t respond until a few days later when he texted, “hey momo, no need for an apology. i have no ill feelings towards what happened.”
Fast forward almost a month to May 23, 2011. MoMo was sitting in her office performing her real people functions. The office mail guy approached her door with a package. MoMo, expecting it was some work-related delivery, asked, “You have a box of shit for me?” The mail guy laughed and handed MoMo the package. MoMo saw the sender’s name on the return address label and immediately knew what the box contained – the zebra-bobble head. This meant that YTBNS had done some detective work to retrieve MoMo’s office address on the interwebs. She opened the box to indeed find the bobble-head and also a handwritten note from YTBNS. The note stated,
Dear MoMo,
Even though it brings me much grief, I have decided to grant you full custody of Zoe the Zebra. I have realized that her rightful place is seated on your office desk. Please take good care of my baby
YTBNS
P.S. ~ Zoe is a great Listener. (She is not much of a talker) And her favorite snacks are quarters and dimes. She hates pennies.
MoMo posted on YTBNS’s facebook wall, “I am in receipt of Zoe. Thank you. She is in good hands. If you would like to arrange visitation rights, please let me know.” He responded via text, but to date, no joint custody agreement has been reached.
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