me: what events are you doing this weekend Bob: lima friday panache sat. though friday i may end up taking off cuz i have to go to the bank sat. morning @ 8 11:49 PM me: what’s panache and what are you doing at lima Bob: we have the new 3rd floor for ourselves me: so […]
Specimen Dissection aka date recap April 21, 2011
On April 21, 2011, I went out with a specimen that I met circa 2005 on a dating site. (I began experimenting online dating during the dial up days.) Contact was reestablished with said specimen through facebook. Recently, I decided to shut down one of my facebook profiles in favor of a new one. He […]
Online Dating Fails: Benefactor
Guy: I would consider you in any capacity you had you had in mind, desired, wanted…. Princess: What are my options? Guy: Seriously, your options are entirely up to you. Princess: I need a menu from which to select. Guy: For starters: 1. Benefactor of some negotiable persuasion 2. Dating Princess: Please elaborate on point […]
Online Dating: Most frequently asked question: “Where are you originally from?”
Guy: you live in the north east you’re in the legal field you’re single those are 3 out of 5 things i look for in a woman :) Please respond within 3 business days or I will commence in eating my weight in ice cream. Princess: What are the other two things? I have a […]
Online Dating Fails: Booze
Guy: Well you definately tell it how it is which you should no one wans to waste time and we are all looking for somthing so i hope my pics pass your long and hard judgement lol im 29 from staten island i worked as a trader for last 9 yrs and about 6 months […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: Program for Mike to Attend
I have an account with $456,879,457,348,230,120,234,436,234,742.23 (USD) that I need to transfer to your country. If you choose to accept this mission and it is successfully completed you can keep 1% of the total amount. If not, I will have to kill you. Okay so I got an email of programs for graduating seniors. I […]
Online Dating Fails: Dan, like many of his cohorts, sucks at English
Guy: hi my name is dan and im from bridgewater nj and it looks like we have some things in common. ide like to get to know eachother better if you are intristed .let me know .Dan Princess: “ide” like to to inform you that I’m not “intristed.” Best of luck.
Emails to Ex Specimens: Mike misses Princess MoMo
Princess MoMo, Hello. My name is Michael [redacted]. I miss your big beautiful eyes and your sparkling personality. I have traveled far and wide and you were right, there are no replacements for the Princess. Ironically, as I typed the last line I found a strand of your hair. I know you are about to say “its not […]
Adventures at the Dentist: An intruder trespasses upon the oral kingdom
In order to fully grasp the terminology in this post, you must familiarize yourself with the first in the series of Princess MoMo’s Dentist Adventures. Every six months, I grant permission to a certain individual and his minions to enter into my oral kingdom for purposes of cleaning the peasants and their homes. I store […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: Mike makes a picture for Princess MoMo
Previous Correspondence with Mike: Princess MoMo makes a picture for Mike Mike responds to the picture Mike’s message and attached photo (original photo has been altered in order to protect the identity of Princess MoMo): Hope you are having a wonderful day. It was a busy day at the office but I just want to know […]
Online Dating Fails: Servant Part 2
A few weeks after the initial exchange, this guy wrote to me again. Guy: Still as elegant as ever. Nice to gaze upon you again :) Princess: Believe it or not, I was thinking about you this weekend. On Sunday, I was tasked with the laborious errand of modern day hunting and gathering, otherwise known as […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: Mike’s Response
In response to the lovely picture I sent him, Mike wrote: haha. It’s amazing how I threw you out of my car and house, you ruined my b-day and made me miss the championship game last night but yet you still can make me laugh. Is this the “waning” off period? Is that how u […]
Gchat: Princess Paparazzi
Getbetter: tell me more fun stuff from your bday 7:10 PM A.R.: we had a bunch of mexicans at the pre-party doing the macarena and serenading us 7:15 PM A.R.: if you’d like to witness it, Princess has videos 7:17 PM Getbetter: oh my Princess, i bet she does and i bet she posted each […]
Princess MoMo’s Memorable Quotes
Before you rush to judge someone else, ask yourself, “Am I a sober monk?” If the answer is no, don’t judge. You see, I don’t have many natural flaws, so I drink so that I will have a vice. Levels out the playing field. I’m really doing it for others. I’m an altruistic drinker. One […]
66 minute conversation with Century Link Incompetents; transcribed while conducted so excuse typos.
Century Link: Hello. Thanks for calling Century Link. Me: Hello. Let me walk you through my day today. Centuraly Link: Ok Me: I woke up this morning and showered. I then clothed myself in professional attire. You know why? Century Link: Why? Me: Because I anticipated going to work today. But that didn’t happen. You […]