Why not to write in your online dating bio: Here are the most cliché things I’ve observed on Bumble, a dating app similar to Tinder except that it requires women to initiate contact and has an expiration time on matches. Looking for a “down to earth” girl. – Really? Do these men frequently encounter women […]
Mr. Swiper – A Tinder Tale
Mr. Swiper, a suitor from Tinder, had just moved to New York from Boston over 4th of July weekend. He’s originally from Minnesota. I don’t know what our Tinder exchange consisted of and I cannot check it because he’s unmatched me. But, we pretty quickly moved from Tinder to text. He then also pretty […]
The Easter Bunny
I recently made the error of relegating my eggs to solitary confinement in someone’s basket of hypocrisy, insecurity, and self-absorption. Should I tell you how I really feel? Ok. So, I had posted a lovely, poetic piece about my initial encounters with Mr. Redcoat. As is the case with many first encounters, Mr. Redcoat sent […]
Mr. Super Annoyer – Six and a half years later
Six and a half wretched YEARS ago, the specimen gods shat up Mr. Super Annoyer into my life. Aside from the party at which I met him, I willingly subjected myself to him once more. That was all. At the conclusion of that day, a day long ago, I explicitly stated to him that I was […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART II)
FOR PART I, CLICK HERE Textual relations with Mr. Chameleon ensued. I communicated my desire to see him that night. He reluctantly told me that he had a blind date set for the night. Shortly thereafter, he said she bailed. So, as circumstance would have it, we ended up meeting up for what was […]
The Unfantastic Four: Mr. Bullshit, Mr. Rainman, Mr. Ken Doll, and Mr. Chameleon (PART I)
It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about a specific specimen in detail. To make up for that, this piece will cover at least four of them – a far stretch from the Fantastic Four. For the past seven months, I’ve been in an unlabeled relationship with one we’ll call Mr. Bullshit. Mr. Bullshit and […]
Strong Hands
I am curious as to what he wants to ask. Does he want to put my hands to use building something?
Dating: Too many toothpastes
It’s 7 a.m. (Ok, it’s really 7:14 a.m. because it took you 14 minutes to get out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready for work.) So, it’s 7:14 a.m. You rub the sleep out of your eyes while reaching for your pink toothbrush. The oral kingdom needs to be cleaned! To your disappointment, […]
Facebook Stripped Me of My Name #MyNameIs
On my birthday, in the midst of thanking my Facebook friends for taking time out of their day to wish me a good one, my Facebook account was suspended. Why? Because, apparently, the Facebook overlords felt I was not using my “real name.” I reviewed Facebook’s name policy, which reads, in pertinent part, as follows […]
Homeless Penis
Apparently, a pastor wrote that women are penis homes. Finding that concept hysterical, I wanted to incorporate it in conversation. So, I did.
Mr. Local Engineer
The inaugural date after over a year hiatus comes to you courtesy of Tinder. Mr. Local Engineer and I matched. Below are the initial messages. After additional back and forth, we determined that we live in the same town. He asked if I wanted to meet up that night. I agreed. If you recall from […]
Mr. Pharaonically Insane – The Ice Grill
The Ancient Egyptians are rolling in their graves. I got too cocky in my dating and didn’t prescreen properly. Mr. Pharaonically Insane sent me a message with his number and I called him. We chatted for a bit and he asked if I wanted to meet up. He told me he lives in Somerset, which […]
McDonald’s Drive Thru
I love McDonald’s. In particular, I love the new Buffalo Ranch McChicken sandwich. There’s just something about buffalo sauce that delights my oral kingdom. Once upon a time (around November or December of 2013), I was driving home from the mall when the urge to order one of these delectable sandwiches struck me. Luckily, there […]
Another Slave Application
LetmecaterU 4/2/2013 8:51:17 PM Hi. I’m john and i’d like to present You with a unique topic for the sole purpose of conversation. don’t worry… my intention draws nothing more.. hopefully You can exchange opinions with me. keep an open mind. If a guy admitted he wanted, very badly, to be submissive for You, catering […]
Mr. Super Annoyer (Updated 3-5-13)
Well, it’s been over three and a half years since I’ve communicated with this guy, yet he doesn’t see that as a reason to stop sending me messages. For the backstory, click here. It appears that he will never let up. He is now pleading for my friendship just two days after he wrote that […]