Years ago, I used to drive through Philly very often on my travels back and forth between Jersey and DC. One billboard always caught my attention. It says, “I HATE STEVEN SINGER.” Every time I saw it, I wondered what it is about. But, by the time I’d get to my destination, I’d have forgotten […]
Ironing the Floor
I woke up possessed by a cleaning demon. Unable to exorcise it, I began to unclutter my sleeping chambers. During that process, I laundered several articles, including clothing, my pink sheets and zebra pillow cases, my blanket and (this is where the trouble began) the two little area rugs that sit outside of my bathroom […]
NEW! Online Dating Profile
Inspired by the creation of a new online dating profile on PlentyofShit, I wrote a new profile narrative. My old one isn’t too shabby, but let’s see what kind of response the new ones garners. Once upon a time, in a strange far far away land known as New Jersey, there lived a maiden by […]
Online Dating: A day in the online dating inbox (December 30, 2011)
Have you ever wondered what an online dating female’s inbox looks like on a given day? Wonder no more! These are the messages I received on December 30, 2011. Mind you, I’ve had a profile on this particular site for 10 months, which means that the number of messages has significantly dwindled because many users […]
Bagel with Cream Cheese
So my mom has been cooking since I woke up hours ago. However, nothing is ready to eat yet. Finally, I decided to microwave a hot pocket. Unfortunately, the usually satisfying food item seemed to have expired. Still, none of whatever my mom is cooking was ready. I resorted to the next path of least […]
Differences in Approach: Flowers vs. You Suck
Last week, I was in a castrating mood. On Monday, Mr. T was banished from the Princess MoMo Kingdom. On Tuesday, Mr. Car was similarly exiled. That Friday, Mr. T had flowers delivered to my office. To that point, I hadn’t heard from Mr. Car, aside from him “liking” someone’s comment on one of my […]
Sour MoMo (Gchat with Mr. Car)
Mr. Car: I had such bad sleep last night Princess MoMo: dreaming of disco? Mr. Car: actually the night turned differently than expected Princess MoMo: how so Mr. Car: well, there was fun involved dancing and drinking Princess MoMo: cool Mr. Car: yes, and the lovely company of a 47yr old woman haha Princess MoMo: […]
Spiders, Spiders Everywhere!!! They Must Die.
The longstanding war against Al-Spida (rhymes with Al Qaeda) continues. As you may recall, earlier this year, the leader, evil motherbugger bin spider, of this terrorist cell ambushed Princess MoMo. Unfortunately, MoMo lost that battle. For some time after the incident, MoMo was undisturbed by the eight-legged thugs. As a result, her spider alertness […]
A Battle of the MoMos: A look into my mental sphere
A. Background Emotions. Who needs them? Since roughly the age of 12 or 13, I’ve been trying to suppress mine. Almost a decade and a half later, I still haven’t succeeded. During my college years, my “you can’t affect me” masquerade was fairly effective. I held the MoMo feeling fortress down and all potential trespasses were shot on sight. In 2006, […]
A Piece of MoMo’s Mind: Why First Dates Involving Planes And Weekend Getaways Are Not A Good Idea. (Camping isn’t a good idea either.)
I recently went on the most outlandish of first dates in the extensive history of MoMo dating. Dude showed up in a single engine aircraft and swooped me up to Martha’s Vineyard for the weekend. Fun times? Yes. Relaxing? Yes. Blog worthy? Abso-fucking-lutely. Copacetic? No. “Why not,” you may ask. Or you may […]