Once a year, Princess MoMo has her factory inspected. MoMo looks forward to this appointment even less than her semi-annual oral kingdom cleaning visits. This year, MoMo switched factory inspectors because her former one is located too far from her residence and place of employment. Like most other inspections, factory checks are stressful. In anticipation of having the […]
The Breakup
We had been together six long years. The union began in 2006 when I was just a college girl. I was young and unassuming then, blinded by material things and the prospect of having a Sidekick. I wasn’t quite ready to break things off with the previous one though. For some time, I […]
MoMo the MiscreANT
Last time there was an ant roaming around on MoMo's office desk, her conscience stopped her from killing it. But that little fucker (the ant, not her conscience), decided to reappear today. This time, MoMo overcame any internal moral opposition to ant assassination. Because these desk ants move at a very high rate of speed, […]
Princess MoMo on Politics
What started out as a grammar nazi comment on a facebook status, turned into a lengthy political "debate." I generally refrain from these sorts of discussions because I get too fired up; however, I made an exception because I was in some kind of vicious mood yesterday. The names of the liberals have been changed […]
HATERs, BITCHES, JEWs, and BULLLLYs
My online dating profile garners much attention, both positive and negative. This post focuses on the motives of the naysayers. I am going to put on my pseudo-psychotherapist hat and provide my theories as to why a Headstrong Asshole That Exhibits Rudeness (“HATER” for short) would write unconstructive messages to women. Theory One: A […]
Specimen Suitor Attempts to Lure me in with Princess MoMo Speak
On Saturday night, Princess MoMo discovered that her group of friends was no longer present in the bar. But more disturbing, one of said friends had absconded with her device! MoMo was alarmed. She did a scan of the bar for a specimen worthy to help her track down her missing apparatus. She approached her […]
Gchat: Princess MoMo seeks hobbies and eats cereal
Bob: i always thought you were the slapper not the slappee me: even the best of us need to be slapped back to our senses sometimes 2:45 PM Bob: an almost humble statement from Princess MoMo i’m in shock 2:47 PM me: one shock after another for you over there 2:48 PM Bob: its a good thing i’m young otherwise […]
Gchat: Princess MoMo getting on a guestlist
me: what events are you doing this weekend Bob: lima friday panache sat. though friday i may end up taking off cuz i have to go to the bank sat. morning @ 8 11:49 PM me: what’s panache and what are you doing at lima Bob: we have the new 3rd floor for ourselves me: so […]
Online Dating Fails: Servant Part 2
A few weeks after the initial exchange, this guy wrote to me again. Guy: Still as elegant as ever. Nice to gaze upon you again :) Princess: Believe it or not, I was thinking about you this weekend. On Sunday, I was tasked with the laborious errand of modern day hunting and gathering, otherwise known as […]
Princess MoMo’s Profile on a Dating Website
Headline: Caveat Emptor Cliff Notes: Don’t message me if you suck. I’m awesome and I’m looking for an equally, if not more, awesome mate. I used to have a warning against writing to me if you suffer from GI conditions. You might be wondering why I have an aversion to those with stomach and digestive […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 3, The Final Chapter
To review Part 1, click here. To review Part 2, click here. EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN Introduction: It just seems that there is no progress since I have met you. My heat is still fucking broken. And the guy has changed the thermostat THREE times. And just to clarify, my responses are the ones […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 2
EMAIL FROM SPECIMEN TO PRINCESS (in response to this) my nuts are better. while having essentially an opposite mental and emotional connotation than your opening, it too is a great opening line. I thought it necessary to tell you, because with my recent healing I feel as though I just stopped pms’ing. It is amazing […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 1
EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN i just got my period. great opening line, i know. but the implication is that i didn’t know i was pmsing this last week. i had a suspicion because i was inexplicably bitchy in the way that i am when i’m pmsing. umm but the thing is that i just […]
Princess MoMo’s Glossary (work in progress)
Superseded by the Glossary Page 23er – A prime-aged specimen. ADAM – Captain Average Dull And Mundane Advisory Board – A group of friends with which one confers to gauge one’s perception of reality. bullshitary – Complete and utter bullshit. Device – A reference to a Smart Phone. Example: I keep my device on silent […]