Why not to write in your online dating bio: Here are the most cliché things I’ve observed on Bumble, a dating app similar to Tinder except that it requires women to initiate contact and has an expiration time on matches. Looking for a “down to earth” girl. – Really? Do these men frequently encounter women […]
Online Dating Greetings: Don’t Cockblock Yourself
“Hi.” “How are you?” “How’s your Tuesday?” “How was your breakfast?” “How are your holidays?” “You’re pretty. I’d like to get to know you.” “We have a lot in common. Let’s chat.” Garbage. Landfill quality, non-recyclable garbage worthy of no response other than, if at all, “thanks for the trash.” Think about it. If […]
Mr. Swiper – A Tinder Tale
Mr. Swiper, a suitor from Tinder, had just moved to New York from Boston over 4th of July weekend. He’s originally from Minnesota. I don’t know what our Tinder exchange consisted of and I cannot check it because he’s unmatched me. But, we pretty quickly moved from Tinder to text. He then also pretty […]
The Easter Bunny
I recently made the error of relegating my eggs to solitary confinement in someone’s basket of hypocrisy, insecurity, and self-absorption. Should I tell you how I really feel? Ok. So, I had posted a lovely, poetic piece about my initial encounters with Mr. Redcoat. As is the case with many first encounters, Mr. Redcoat sent […]
Mr. JW: Another Prematurely Meet the Family Tale
Mr. JW comes to us from the cyber world of dating. Our first meeting was a simple “let’s grab drinks” tryst. We got along well enough, but it was nothing to write home about…yet. A few days later, he suggested another date. His idea? Mini golf. He earned points for that, not because I like […]
Ashley Madison Leak: Is Ignorance Bliss?
Hell hath no fury like a hacker scorned. One such hacker or group of hackers epically unleashed this fury by obtaining the personal information of a multitude of users of the infidelity-promoting dating site Ashley Madison. Do I personally have any sympathy for those exposed? Nope. None. Zero. Initially, a little part of me like […]
Dating: Too many toothpastes
It’s 7 a.m. (Ok, it’s really 7:14 a.m. because it took you 14 minutes to get out of bed and into the bathroom to get ready for work.) So, it’s 7:14 a.m. You rub the sleep out of your eyes while reaching for your pink toothbrush. The oral kingdom needs to be cleaned! To your disappointment, […]
Mr. Super Annoyer’s Messages Annotated by Princess MoMo
For the backstory, click here. Below are my notes/comments (in pink) to Mr. Super Annoyer’s messages. Have you ever wondered what a girl is thinking when she doesn’t respond to you? See below. everythingheisnt 3/31/2012 11:35:01 PM Oh my godddddd! I can’t believe I found you here! [Me neither. Apparently, I can run, but […]
Why Do Men Lie?
Why do men lie? I’ve been on this earth as a human being (as opposed to fetus, embryo, or whatever other physical form) for 10,327 days. For at least half of those days, if not more, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the opposite sex. (It seems like recently they love me and I […]
Shut ‘Em Down
Sometimes (very, very rarely to be precise), I feel bad for harshly shutting down guys on dating sites. No one likes rejection. But then, I rethink my perspective and realize that I am actually doing them a service because I’m directly letting them know that their approach is a failure. If they heed the warning, […]
Online Dating Fails: The First of the April Fools
Not only do dating sites offer annoying ghosts of dating present, but also ghosts of dating past. I checked one of my online dating sites this morning (though I find myself virtually never responding to anyone these days) to find that one of the ghosts of dating past had written me a message. Below is […]
Online Dating Fails: Astute Observation
rush_blue 2/26/2012 6:26:17 PM response request:) rush_blue 3/3/2012 1:42:34 PM are u blowing me off Analysis: Why yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing, Mr. Rush_Blue. Messaging, “response request :)” and actually expecting a response is ballsy. How about putting some thought into the message? I commend him, though, on recognizing and […]
Another Cut/Paster
At a minimum, if you’re going to send the same message over and over and over again, make it a clever one. And, if you’re not even going to spend the time customizing messages, spell out “you.” JKro 2/1/2012 5:51:19 AM I just wanted to let u kno that u are absolutely gorgeous. I’m […]
PMS: The Cheese Stands Alone
Background I mostly deal with the male gender. A vast majority of my friends are men. My only sibling is y-chromosomed. And, most of the humans with whom I work closely are of that persuasion as well. Throughout my experiences, I’ve discovered that men don’t understand women, particularly their mood swings. Men: You don’t […]
Princess MoMo’s Valentine’s Day Advice
Male Friend: You there Princess? MoMo: sup Male Friend: I have a dating question I have plans with [Girl] tomorrow for V-Day but I’m bored with her and will probably be ending it shortly My question is, should I break it off today and note keep the facade going through V-Day thus cancelling […]