Seriously, I might start packin’ heat when I go to Shoprite. First, that place is ALWAYS overcrowded regardless of the time of day. Second, somehow I always end up behind the jerkoff who needs a price check which takes 2340534 minutes, but I can’t easily go to another line because I’ve already placed my items […]
Dating Advice: Girl Behind the Desk vs. Mall Girl
Guy: Are you available for some dating advice? P-Mo: Yes, what’s up? Guy: I have no problem approaching and talking to a member of the opposite sex when out at bars or concerts. My problem is girl beh P-Mo: Please define “beh.” Guy: Sorry. The girl behind the desk at the dentist office or the […]
Factory Inspection
Once a year, Princess MoMo has her factory inspected. MoMo looks forward to this appointment even less than her semi-annual oral kingdom cleaning visits. This year, MoMo switched factory inspectors because her former one is located too far from her residence and place of employment. Like most other inspections, factory checks are stressful. In anticipation of having the […]
Online Dating Fails: Shakespeare had a dream…
Shakespeare Specimen: Subject line: Dreamed about you… Opening Message: Dreamed about you for so long Didn’t want to wake up this early… Nothing is the same since you’ve gone I should have been over you already… All I do is think about you all day But I know that you forgot about me… And all […]
Online Dating Fails: Lucky
Specimen’s opening message: Ooooh, Arabic…it would be so taboo dating u Specimen: Ohhh, Christianity :(… Princess MoMo: Luckily, you don’t have to worry about dating me. Specimen: yep, luckily ;) Analysis: This clown incorrectly presupposed that he was in some way desirable to me. Moreover, based on a review of his profile and photographs, his arrogance is unfounded. […]
Fiesta at Shoprite
For some reason, it seems like we’re always in need of milk at the house. So, I stopped by Shoprite to pick up some. To my surprise, the parking lot was packed. I thought to myself, “WTF is this bullshit? It’s Thursday night in Bumblefuck, NJ…why is everyone at Shoprite?” Then I remembered that there’s […]
Lions and Lions and Apes….Oh My!
On August 14, 2011, a call from a specimen came through on my device. I met this specimen through my online dating escapades last year. Our first date was on Sunday, June 20, 2010. We met for dinner. Conversation wasn’t particularly riveting, but I attributed that to us being exhausted from the weekend shenanigans . […]
The Breakup
We had been together six long years. The union began in 2006 when I was just a college girl. I was young and unassuming then, blinded by material things and the prospect of having a Sidekick. I wasn’t quite ready to break things off with the previous one though. For some time, I […]
Gchat re: Earthquake
MoMo: You didn’t like it? Inar: it was awesome! i think i’m the only one who knew what was going on made it right to my doorway just like they train you MoMo: What did you do in the doorway? Inar: you’re supposed to stand in doorways so ceiling shit doesn’t fall and crush you […]
Online Dating: Blast from the Past
Specimen: Hi Monica. How have you been? Have not talked to you in several years. Hope all is well Princess MoMo: Hi. Please refresh my recollection. Specimen: We met several years ago when you were studying at Rutgers. We had dinner and continued to talk. We last talked in ’09. I relocated […]
Craigslist Scams: Beware of these fuckers
Because I switched wireless carriers, I posted my former device for sale on Craigslist. Along with serious inquiries, I’m in receipt of many “phishing” ones. Note, the phishers always offer well above your listed price for the product. Remember, if it seems too good to be true, it usually is. Below is one of […]
Online Dating: Balls
MoMo is no stranger to online dating. She’s been on/off the circuit since she was 17, when online dating was new and taboo. Below is a message exchange between her and a guy she met back in the day. The two periodically catch up with one another. Of course, they’re facebook friends. MoMo shared a […]
The Trolls of Craigslist
Have you ever wondered who replies to craigslist personals? Apparently, a lot of people do. I posted an ad under the women seeking men section on Friday night around 10:15 p.m. for entertainment purposes. (I’ve posted on there in the past, so I was prepared for the influx of messages I was about to […]
MoMo the MiscreANT
Last time there was an ant roaming around on MoMo's office desk, her conscience stopped her from killing it. But that little fucker (the ant, not her conscience), decided to reappear today. This time, MoMo overcame any internal moral opposition to ant assassination. Because these desk ants move at a very high rate of speed, […]