Specimen: hi im kon u are cute tex me lets talk 215REDACTED not oin hre alot hwt nationalty are u Princess MoMo: Is there an issue with your fingers? Specimen: wht u mean sweety Evidently, including all letters in a word was too much to ask from this specimen.
Annoying Facebook Messages From a Random Person Who Sucks
Facebook Unattractive Cantankerous Kid (“FUCK” for short): Hi Princess Princess MoMo: I’m not really interested in exchanging bullshit messages. If you have something substantive to write, fine. If not, don’t bother sending me two word garbage. Thanks. FUCK: Wanna say that to my face? Princess MoMo: No thanks. You’ve further proven you have nothing of substance to […]
Online Dating Fails: Asphyxiation
Guy: hi cutei I see yr pics y looks so sweet .call me my numbet 569/xxx/5071 Princess: I would say don’t hold your breath waiting on me to call you, but I actually think you should. Guy: ok
Online Dating Fails: Black Kettle
Guy: wow u sound incredible look forward to talking to u more do u like to ski or snowmobile or go boating or camping at all Princess: No. I actually don’t like any of those things. Moreover, your writing is atrocious. Guy: whats moreover mean well nothing like calling the kettle black duh u smart Princess: […]
The Landfill of Dating Websites: Why Euthanasia should be Legalized.
For purposes of blog research and development (thanks Joe), I’ve joined several new dating sites. Based on my experiences, I can tell you that there is certainly a difference in the quality of users from site to site. On Sunday night, I added a new site to my online dating portfolio, Richmen.com. Upon posting my […]
Online Dating Fails: Autism
Guy: almost awkward… i have a slight form of autism… and am looking for a very cool person… to be friends with and would like to go beyond that… but… check my profile out… and thank you for taking a moment to check me out… even if you are not interested… Princess: Well, yes, that […]
Princess MoMo is terrorized
I recruited a brother from the same mother to accompany me on a trip to Party City. My objective was to acquire some props and décor for an upcoming Princess MoMo-hosted social gathering. I grabbed the keys to my motor vehicle, but my brother decided that he would drive. I danced my way to his […]
Online Dating Fails: Dan, like many of his cohorts, sucks at English
Guy: hi my name is dan and im from bridgewater nj and it looks like we have some things in common. ide like to get to know eachother better if you are intristed .let me know .Dan Princess: “ide” like to to inform you that I’m not “intristed.” Best of luck.
Emails to Ex Specimens: Mike misses Princess MoMo
Princess MoMo, Hello. My name is Michael [redacted]. I miss your big beautiful eyes and your sparkling personality. I have traveled far and wide and you were right, there are no replacements for the Princess. Ironically, as I typed the last line I found a strand of your hair. I know you are about to say “its not […]
Online Dating Fails: Servant Part 2
A few weeks after the initial exchange, this guy wrote to me again. Guy: Still as elegant as ever. Nice to gaze upon you again :) Princess: Believe it or not, I was thinking about you this weekend. On Sunday, I was tasked with the laborious errand of modern day hunting and gathering, otherwise known as […]
Gchat: Princess Paparazzi
Getbetter: tell me more fun stuff from your bday 7:10 PM A.R.: we had a bunch of mexicans at the pre-party doing the macarena and serenading us 7:15 PM A.R.: if you’d like to witness it, Princess has videos 7:17 PM Getbetter: oh my Princess, i bet she does and i bet she posted each […]
66 minute conversation with Century Link Incompetents; transcribed while conducted so excuse typos.
Century Link: Hello. Thanks for calling Century Link. Me: Hello. Let me walk you through my day today. Centuraly Link: Ok Me: I woke up this morning and showered. I then clothed myself in professional attire. You know why? Century Link: Why? Me: Because I anticipated going to work today. But that didn’t happen. You […]
Online Dating Fails: Keepin’ it real
Guy: Id honestly try to talk to you, but Im a 25 year old Pot head/ Union electrician, and i have semi-yellow teeth. but hey at least America still has dreamers right?? Princess: At least you’re honest and realistic. That’s admirable.
Online Dating Fails: Is Dennis Dead?
Subject line: Hey Im dennis Im dying to talk to you Message: Hey I’m dennis as you know. I think your EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL, and I REALLY WISH FOR ONE CHANCE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, AND SHOW YOU I’M WORTH YOUR RESPONSE!. I live in bensalem pa. I’m 28 I hope age,and distance is […]
Online Dating Fails: Dennis is alive and it turns out he is a menace.
Not too long ago, I posted Mr. Dennis’s opening message to me on this dating site. This is the sequel. Subject line: wow a stuck up grammer bitch you are Message: are you serious you make a big deal over the simplexity of certain words. I’m glad I have no chance with you Ms. […]