Seriously, I might start packin’ heat when I go to Shoprite. First, that place is ALWAYS overcrowded regardless of the time of day. Second, somehow I always end up behind the jerkoff who needs a price check which takes 2340534 minutes, but I can’t easily go to another line because I’ve already placed my items […]
Online Dating Fails: Shakespeare had a dream…
Shakespeare Specimen: Subject line: Dreamed about you… Opening Message: Dreamed about you for so long Didn’t want to wake up this early… Nothing is the same since you’ve gone I should have been over you already… All I do is think about you all day But I know that you forgot about me… And all […]
Online Dating Fails: Lucky
Specimen’s opening message: Ooooh, Arabic…it would be so taboo dating u Specimen: Ohhh, Christianity :(… Princess MoMo: Luckily, you don’t have to worry about dating me. Specimen: yep, luckily ;) Analysis: This clown incorrectly presupposed that he was in some way desirable to me. Moreover, based on a review of his profile and photographs, his arrogance is unfounded. […]
The Breakup
We had been together six long years. The union began in 2006 when I was just a college girl. I was young and unassuming then, blinded by material things and the prospect of having a Sidekick. I wasn’t quite ready to break things off with the previous one though. For some time, I […]
The Trolls of Craigslist
Have you ever wondered who replies to craigslist personals? Apparently, a lot of people do. I posted an ad under the women seeking men section on Friday night around 10:15 p.m. for entertainment purposes. (I’ve posted on there in the past, so I was prepared for the influx of messages I was about to […]
Online Dating Fails: ADAMesque Messages
In the piece of writing that inspired the creation of this blog, I categorized men into four groups: JIM, SAL, ADAM and DICK. There are a lot of ADAMs trolling around dating sites. Below are some examples of ADAMesque messages. I never reply to this type of lame message from lackluster beings. […]
Online Dating Fails: Spanish Elephants
Specimen: Hola! :-) Hi there! I don’t know why I typed “hola” since I’m not Spanish at all, but oh well. So how has this site been for you so far? Hopefully no horror stories! I guess I should probably write something more witty, catchy, or funny, but here’s some random stuff about me… I […]
Online Dating Fails: Lewdser
Call me an idealistic prude, but I simply cannot imagine the opening message/approach reprinted below being met with success. Specimen: i will suck your titties. lets hook up this weekend? Princess MoMo: You will do no such thing. Specimen: are you sure baby? i know your smooth titties are craving for some fun. Princess MoMo: […]
Date Dissection: Gay Edition (Guest Submission)
Yesterday, during my regularly scheduled facebook perusal, I stumbled upon a status message about an unenjoyable ongoing date. The status message poster was looking for a way to dump his date. Being the humanitarian that I am, I offered a suggestion. See below. Status Message: Douchebag date: wow, you're one sexy soy sauce surprise! I […]
Grammar Nazis – Cyber Thuggin’ 4 Life Yo
I recently joined a facebook group called, "You Know You're From Rutgers University when…" Prior to joining said group, I was of the belief that Rutgers is a decent school, with at least an average level of admissions standards. Some of the members of this facebook group lead me to question that belief. Before […]
Online Dating Fails: Generic, Cheesy, Grammatically Flawed Crap
Specimen: I loved reading your profile, it really caught my eye. I am a hopeless romantic, that believes if your lucky enough to find the right person you always try to keep them swept off there feet. I love to write poetry, short stories, and aspire to write a novel. I am not a […]
Online Dating Fails: New Series – Name that HATER!
I recently released a post in which I theorized the motivations of various categories of male online dating HATERs. I thought it would be fun if we all play a game called, "Name that HATER." Below is a message from a male specimen. See if you can identify which type of HATER he is. (Don't […]
Online Dating Fails: Mirror, mirror on the wall…who’s the least perceptive of them all?
Preface: What is one to do when blatant honesty doesn't work? In his defense, persistence is often the difference between success and failure. Not in this case though. 7/19/2011 12:10:39 AM Specimen: Hey there, how are you doing?? You seem cool and we should chat :) I am a good guy so you should reply […]
Online Dating Fails: Will you marry me?
Specimen: Would you like to get married, have kids and start a family with me?? Princess MoMo: No, thank you. Specimen: Why? Am I that ugly? Princess MoMo: I know this may come as a shock, but there’s more to relationships than looks. Specimen: I am shocked…most of the women on here judge men […]
Online Dating Fails: Guest Submission
For better or for worse, Princess MoMo is not the only female who receives less than stellar messages from online dating specimens. Below is an exchange that comes to you courtesy of a friend of Princess MoMo. Jul 28, 2011 – 3:42pm Specimen: Hi there. I think you're cure. Not sure about those button […]