Some people get booty-called/texted. Evidently, I get cuddle-called/texted. Princess MoMo: Turning grown men into interactive teddy bears since 1999. 4:26 am Guy: Hey u. hanging in there? 4:27 am Me: Yes I am. You? 4:28 am Guy: Come cuddle 4:28 am Me: Why? We haven’t even talked in weeks 4:29 am Guy: It will […]
Dating WEBSITE fail
Not all dating websites are created equal. I think I’ve officially found the one with the lowest collective male IQ. I signed up for this site on a Sunday and quit by Tuesday morning. I did not respond to a single message that I received because none have passed my strict English usage standards. Below […]
Princess MoMo’s Profile on a Dating Website
Headline: Caveat Emptor Cliff Notes: Don’t message me if you suck. I’m awesome and I’m looking for an equally, if not more, awesome mate. I used to have a warning against writing to me if you suffer from GI conditions. You might be wondering why I have an aversion to those with stomach and digestive […]
Memorable Quotes by Others
Guy: “So I know for a fact we could make really cute and talented kids but do you think we could get along? Only asking because I’m drunk at a bbq.” Guy: “you handle breaking up like a warrior….lol…maybe I’m a little chauvinistic but I always picture a chick crying into her cat after a break up […]
Gchat: Ms. Ed
8:25 PM Bob: and how is the love of my life? me: tired 8:26 PM Bob: poor baby me: can’t you become a super billionaire and marry me? 8:27 PM Bob: i’m working on bebe *on it 8:28 PM me: hurry Bob: gonna take a lil time i’m not a GW prince or jr. oil baron i have to […]
Gchat: Accounting for MoMo’s men
Janet: ooh is this a new boy? 2:54 PM me: yes a new one Janet: :) the one from your fb post? w/ the excellent response? me: what posts? no this one is from real life Janet: :) nice me: umm well, no there are some complications Janet: :( what? me: i.e. coworker 2:55 PM Janet: interesting […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 3, The Final Chapter
To review Part 1, click here. To review Part 2, click here. EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN Introduction: It just seems that there is no progress since I have met you. My heat is still fucking broken. And the guy has changed the thermostat THREE times. And just to clarify, my responses are the ones […]
April 13, 2011 Specimen Dissection
Before describing the date, I’m going to include some of the messages we exchanged on the dating website. Him: That was hands down the funniest profile I’ve EVER read! “You’re” to much… I found myself laughing hysterically. You must get some classic emails… Me: Thank you. So are your pictures recent? If so, you look INCREDIBLE for […]
The “calm” before the storm – Century Link
The status messages preceding the conversation with Century Link: April 13, 2011 8:43 am: Waiting out with bated breath from 8-1 on the Century Link wizards to resolve the technology issues at my residence. If I don’t post again before 1, I’ve suffocated. 10:19 am: The time is now 10:19 a.m. Do you know where your Century […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 2
EMAIL FROM SPECIMEN TO PRINCESS (in response to this) my nuts are better. while having essentially an opposite mental and emotional connotation than your opening, it too is a great opening line. I thought it necessary to tell you, because with my recent healing I feel as though I just stopped pms’ing. It is amazing […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: Mike
I once sent an email to a specimen I was dating at the time with the subject line “A picture for you” with the following picture attached to the body. After all, a picture is worth a thousand words.
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 1
EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN i just got my period. great opening line, i know. but the implication is that i didn’t know i was pmsing this last week. i had a suspicion because i was inexplicably bitchy in the way that i am when i’m pmsing. umm but the thing is that i just […]
Late Night Phone Calls: Geographic Constraints
Princess MoMo: Damnit Phil. I was really hoping you’d accept this friend request earlier. I wanted to drunk dial you this past weekend and I thought your number may be on your profile, which incidentally it is! Boo. Phil: lol, feel free to drunk dial it whenever! Princess MoMo: If only it were that easy Phil. You see, […]
Online Dating Fails: Family-Tie-Breaking-Grammar
Guy: Me, LLC, believes Me, Inc. is an established and successful organization driven by creativity and passion. The CEO may be sarcastic, but definitely intelligent and playful and deserving of the same. A successful business partnership is no doubt in teh near future for Me Inc. Seriously, great profile…all of it. And when did English […]