Guy: So i passed all your tests. Read my profile and let me know if you might be interested. Hope your having a good weekend. Conrad Princess: Conrad – Unfortunately, you did not pass all of my tests as you used “your” rather than “you’re” in your message. :( Guy: so just because of that you […]
Online Dating Fails: Never
Guy: Hey so when do we get to meet lol :) names Vito Princess: Hopefully never. Guy: Lol nice. Yea I’m ugly and boring good answer :p
Online Dating Fails: The Poor Grammar Epic is Spreading
Guy: Well hello…after reading what you had to say on your page and seeing your pics I would forever regret not getting in touch with you. We would be a really really good match I think eventhough I am 1 inch shy of your minimum but bigger and better than most in several more important […]
Someone’s failed attempt to make it to my house
Well! M! I just walked into my parents house…..Spent the last 6 hours driving- trying to find your place. Just when my phone started to beep and die, as I passed the blurry (I can’t see at night, even with my glasses) ‘We Sell Eggs’ sign, I decided it was time to give up. It […]
Gchat: Dating Bailout
j: if these girls knew hot tall smart guys why wouldnt they keep them for themselves? me: how many do they need? i only want one not a dozen so they shouldn’t be greedy either j: maybe obama can tax them on their men so that they have to give one up redistribution of men […]
Online Customer Service
Online chat customer service is awesome. Here’s an exert from a convo with at&t wireless: Keyon: Ok, All of our wonderful plans are separate, We have the Unlimited voice plan for $69.99. We also have Unlimited Messaging for $20.00. And we have the DataPro 2GB for Blackberry’s for $25.00. Princess: that doesn’t sound so wonderful […]
Texts from this Morning
Some people get booty-called/texted. Evidently, I get cuddle-called/texted. Princess MoMo: Turning grown men into interactive teddy bears since 1999. 4:26 am Guy: Hey u. hanging in there? 4:27 am Me: Yes I am. You? 4:28 am Guy: Come cuddle 4:28 am Me: Why? We haven’t even talked in weeks 4:29 am Guy: It will […]
Dating WEBSITE fail
Not all dating websites are created equal. I think I’ve officially found the one with the lowest collective male IQ. I signed up for this site on a Sunday and quit by Tuesday morning. I did not respond to a single message that I received because none have passed my strict English usage standards. Below […]
Princess MoMo’s Profile on a Dating Website
Headline: Caveat Emptor Cliff Notes: Don’t message me if you suck. I’m awesome and I’m looking for an equally, if not more, awesome mate. I used to have a warning against writing to me if you suffer from GI conditions. You might be wondering why I have an aversion to those with stomach and digestive […]
Memorable Quotes by Others
Guy: “So I know for a fact we could make really cute and talented kids but do you think we could get along? Only asking because I’m drunk at a bbq.” Guy: “you handle breaking up like a warrior….lol…maybe I’m a little chauvinistic but I always picture a chick crying into her cat after a break up […]
Gchat: Ms. Ed
8:25 PM Bob: and how is the love of my life? me: tired 8:26 PM Bob: poor baby me: can’t you become a super billionaire and marry me? 8:27 PM Bob: i’m working on bebe *on it 8:28 PM me: hurry Bob: gonna take a lil time i’m not a GW prince or jr. oil baron i have to […]
Gchat: Accounting for MoMo’s men
Janet: ooh is this a new boy? 2:54 PM me: yes a new one Janet: :) the one from your fb post? w/ the excellent response? me: what posts? no this one is from real life Janet: :) nice me: umm well, no there are some complications Janet: :( what? me: i.e. coworker 2:55 PM Janet: interesting […]
Emails to Ex Specimens: The Fishman Swims Upstream – Part 3, The Final Chapter
To review Part 1, click here. To review Part 2, click here. EMAIL FROM PRINCESS TO SPECIMEN Introduction: It just seems that there is no progress since I have met you. My heat is still fucking broken. And the guy has changed the thermostat THREE times. And just to clarify, my responses are the ones […]
April 13, 2011 Specimen Dissection
Before describing the date, I’m going to include some of the messages we exchanged on the dating website. Him: That was hands down the funniest profile I’ve EVER read! “You’re” to much… I found myself laughing hysterically. You must get some classic emails… Me: Thank you. So are your pictures recent? If so, you look INCREDIBLE for […]